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女儿带着女儿来看我们,写的一段文字
送交者: jingchen 2018年08月12日23:33:15 于 [海 二 代] 发送悄悄话

女儿带着女儿来看我们,写的一段文字


By Sufey Chen 

I grew up the oldest (and only) girl in a home full of boisterous boys. We were always running, screaming, laughing, fighting, singing, cuddling, bullying each other, and going on ridiculous adventures. We had the craziest ideas and the very best stories with imaginations that ran totally wild. We would sneak out the window and climb on the roof and lay in the afternoon sun... dreaming and talking and passing the time in the most magically mundane of ways. 

Our parents, for the most part, let us run free. I don’t think they could have stopped us if they tried. We outnumbered them, and we challenged them, and we loved them deeply too. We were clever kids, but not easy kids — and rules didn’t stop us, they just made us smarter. 

They set us up with strong values and a strong drive to live and learn and thrive. And they had an innate, implied trust in us — that we would ultimately succeed. 

This inner knowing. Their basic expectation — that we would be smart, successful, well-adjusted humans — this is etched into my being. I think that somehow, beneath it all, they knew we would be okay. 

I’ve caused them much heartache and brought them much joy. As is the nature of things. I’ve criticized them and blamed them throughout my life and told them they should’ve been one way or the other. Yet the more I accept responsibility for my adult self, the more I also understand: ultimately there are no failures, there are no mistakes — there are only challenges that make us stronger, opportunities for healing and growth. 

I am conscious human who has the choice to reconcile the broken parts of me. I can choose to heal what needs healing and make peace with all that is. It’s not always easy and it takes ongoing work, but this is MY work to do. And today I make peace with the beautiful chaos that is my wild and gorgeous family. 

My parents were not perfect. But they are certainly good enough. They gave us everything we need. They are good people. With deeply loving hearts. They are courageous and honest and free. And it brings me relief to know that, at the end of the day, all I have to give to my daughter is me. Me, as I am, in all my divine and imperfect human ways. 

Me — I am good enough. 

Loving my daughter opens my eyes to the enormous love of my parents. 

Loving my parents gives me the courage to devote my everything to my children. 

And seeing my parents love my daughter is the most magical of all. Their blood, sweat, and tears, in raising me... for them, this makes it all worth it. 

I am home with my family and everyone is older and everything has changed. And yet the essence is still here: the deep love, the blood bond, the unconditional ties we have with each other. When we are all together we are still wild, still free. Still crazy kids on crazy adventures, the way we’ll always be. And I’m so grateful. To my beautiful parents. For giving us our family.


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