乾隆這首詩是他那一堆爛詩里難得的一首好詩。可能是真動情了吧。可見詩貴真,真才能“言志”。介次不賞析乾隆漢語原作,專討論一番英文譯作。不得不說,譯得也很好!非常遷就西方觀念里的人情味,同時全篇押韻,讀來上口。絕對英文高手。初讀一次,發現有個把小瑕疵,應該是對漢語原文理解有問題。常出現這種現象:寫英文的漢語不爐火純青,旁邊給他解釋漢語原文的英文不爐火純青,這點兒誤差就容易產生小瑕疵。逐句看:
《大行皇后輓詩》
Elegy for the Deceased Empress: Eternal Lament for a Legacy of Goodness
--- “大行”者,人剛死也。誇張地說“他要開始一個遙遠的旅行”了。這是對死者的敬意,清代已經成了皇家專用詞。顯然,譯文沒把這個意思譯出來,deceased 自然無貶義,但也沒有“大行”的敬意。
恩情廿二載,內治十三年。
Twenty-two years of your loving kindness,
Thirteen with you as empress by my side.
--- 治理後宮的“治”沒譯出來,“as empress by my side”只是“內”,沒有“治”。
忽作春風夢,偏於旅岸邊。
Now our dream of spring time breeze has all at once,
By a river-bank been cast aside.
--- 漢語原文中,誰在作“春風夢”?乾隆。夢見誰?夢見皇后。美中不足的是,夢境卻偏偏在“旅岸邊”,誰要“離岸旅行”?是皇后。暗喻皇后的“大行”。譯文雖然更柔情、更悽美,但非常跑偏。
聖慈深憶孝,宮壼盡欽賢。
The dowager remembers keenly your filial piety,
--- dowager等於太后?太后應該是“empress dowager”,沒有前面的empress,dowager只是個守寡的貴婦人。
the imperial consorts stand in awe of your integrity.
--- 這句“awe of your integrity”好!俺說得是比乾隆那個“賢”字用得好。“賢”不足以讚頌一位皇后的全部美德。
忍誦關雎什,朱琴已斷弦。
I cannot bear to recite a single line of “Ospreys Cry,”
--- “什”等於“篇”,用“篇”出律。嗯?俺腫麼又評起漢語原文了?哈哈
Now that the conjugal harp strings shattered lie.
--- “conjugal harp”,嗯,難道有“夫妻豎琴”這類東東?俺真得好奇譯者身邊的中文翻譯是腫麼給他解釋“朱琴已斷弦”這句話的。你可以說“斷弦”比喻的是妻子死了,但“夫妻琴”太誇張了。
夏日冬之夜,歸於縱有期。
Our shared winter nights and summer days,
Must now on some future date depend.
---
“夏日冬之夜,歸於縱有期”這兩句是“抄襲”詩經的“冬之夜,夏之日。百歲之後,歸於其室”,大意是:“沒有了你的冬夜,寒冷孤寂;沒有了你的夏日,炎熱漫長;百年之後,我會來與你葬在一起。”“我會來與你葬在一起”就是“有期”之所指。上面的譯文是否渲染出這層意思?請英文高手判斷。
半生成永訣,一見定何時。
Half a lifetime becomes a parting of the ways,
When might fate permit us meet again?
--- 好!
褘服驚空設,蘭帷此尚垂。
I’m shocked to see your clothes all meaninglessly spread,
Or else the orchid curtains that hang here on the bed.
--- 這兩句譯得好!
回思相對坐,忍淚惜嬌兒。
I recall how you sat before me, all the while,
Suppressing tears of grief for our darling child.
--- 好!
愁喜惟予共,寒暄無刻忘。
To share my joy and sorrow there was ever only you,
Not for a moment will I forget your solicitude.
--- 好!
絕倫軼巾幗,遺澤感嬪嬙。
You surpassed all other women in unrivaled virtue,
--- 好!
Imperial consorts were transformed by your rectitude.
--- 譯得格外好!把抽象的“遺澤”具體的譯出來,反而簡潔。
一女悲何恃,雙男痛早亡。
--- 忍不住又得評論乾隆的詩,介乾隆太喜歡說“車軲轆”話了,這句應該放到前面“回思相對坐,忍淚惜嬌兒”那個地方。
I grieve that there is none on whom our daughter may depend,
--- 這位譯者太喜歡用depend了,前面已經出現了一次。他為了押韻,只好原諒他。哈哈。
I’m pained that both our boys have long since met their end.
--- 介句譯得好,簡練達意。
不堪重憶舊,擲筆黯神傷。
I cannot bear reflect once more on former days,
--- “忍”+前面的“不堪”都用bear。
My tortured soul is dark and I toss my brush away.
--- 借用“my soul is dark”,好!估計洋鬼子們會非常懂。不常讀英文詩歌的中國人也許會產生誤解。
— The Qianlong Emperor, 1748
借酒興閒侃一篇,俺介是典型的“英文二把刀亂砍英文”,哈哈。謬誤之處請E文高手指正。