有日子沒有上來了。女兒的“長篇”故事終於給“吭哧”完了，這回花了差不多兩個來月才寫完。長則長也，結構上掌握起來就不那麼容易了，如果你看着有點散，那可能就是問題所在。我在最後寫了幾個問題，還沒有來得及和她細談，只是和她說起標題來，她覺得我說的有道理，可能會改為“The Rainbow Girls and the Mission to Planets”。

Rainbow Girls and the Broken Telephone Wire

Chapter 1 One day the girls were in the park. They fed the birds. They watched the sky. Soon they were very tired. They went home drowsily. Plop! Sarah dropped on her bed. Everyone else dropped on their beds. “Cock-o-doodle-doo!” Roosters crowed. “Already?” yawned Melanie.

Chapter 2 “Yeah.” Said Sparkle. Sarah started to take her bath. Ruth Rose brushed her teeth. Eliza put on her clothing. Lisa made her bed. Soon all of them were ready. Emma decided to call their friend. When she called nobody answered.”I guess she’s out.” Said Emma.

Chapter 3 They marched out the door on their way to the park. As they walked towards the recycle bins, they fell into a hole. “AAAAAAAAAAAA!” Screamed Lisa. It was a big tunnel because it took one minute before they landed on a pillow. A large one.

Chapter 4 Boing! They bounced on the pillow. A TV turned on. On the screen there was a shadow. The shadow cut one of the telephone wires. The girl gasped. The lights turned on. Larry explained about the movie. “That is bad.” Sighed Carson.

Chapter 5 “We will get him.” So they set off with their gun, the gun that can shoot anything. The first thing to do is to find where the person that cut the telephone wire was. “This is harder than I thought.” Said Madison. “Let’s go to the park and see if he is there.”

Chapter 6 They walked to the park. “Ouch!’’ Said Melanie. The rest of the girls looked up. It was a telephone wire. Lisa took out their gun. “Shoot notebooks!” she yelled. Pop! Pop! Pop! Nine notebooks popped out of the gun and fell on the ground.

Chapter 7 “Our first clue.” Said Lisa. They picked up the notebook that was their color. In it they wrote, “Broken telephone wire near the park.” “ Now let’s check the library.” Said Ruth Rose. “Shoot motorcycles!” Yelled Sparkle. First a little ball came out. The ball exploded. There came before them was nine beautifully polished motorcycles.

Chapter 8 They jumped onto their motorcycle. Zzzzzzzz! They went off to the library. At the library they all borrowed a book. Sarah got “The Beautiful Red Pony”. Ruth Rose had “The Encyclopedia of Orange”. Eliza got “Our Sun”. Lisa had “Plants”. Emma checked out “What’s in the Sky”. Sparkle got “The Purple Planet”. Madison wanted “Pinky the Pink Pony”. Carson liked “Gold Mines”. Melanie had “Auroras”.

Chapter 9 They asked the librarian, “Have you seen anything strange around here?” “Yes,” the librarian said, “he went right into a big hole.” They were shocked. “ Let’s go.” Said Sparkle. “But where do we go?” asked a voice. They turned around. “Hi, my name is Valerie.” Valerie said. “I’m Silver Girl.”

Chapter 10 “Silver Tube.” A huge tube stood in front of them. “Jump in!” she shouted. Everyone jumped in. “We just got our first shield!” Melanie exclaimed. They landed on a moving asteroid. “Welcome girls,” Bad Boy Black said. “And bye-bye.” A huge rock came soaring through the air. “Silver Shield!” Valerie yelled. A silver shield covered them all.

Chapter 11 The rock touched the shield. It broke. “What!” squealed Bad Boy Black. “Well, can you find the pieces of this machine?” He showed them a picture of a machine. “It will get you out of here and all the telephone wires will be fixed.” Start at the sun and end at Pluto.

Chapter 12 Before they even knew it, they were transported into a spaceship. “Let’s put on sunglasses.” said Melanie. They looked in a closet. Ten sunglasses were in there; they put them on and looked out the window. Big flares of fire shot out. “Let’s look for the first piece.” said Sparkle. They looked out all of the spaceship’s windows.

Chapter 13 They didn’t find anything around the windows. Melanie found the control panel and made the ship move. “Better watch out because look!” said Bad Boy Black on the control panel. “Silver Tube!” said Valerie. The tube went right in front of an asteroid! “Whoa.” sighed Eliza. They looked out the windows. “There’s our first piece!” shouted Emma.

Chapter 14 They all looked out Emma’s window. “Somebody or something got to get that piece.” Said Ruth Rose panicking. Melanie accidentally pushed a button on the control panel. “Sorry.” Said Melanie sadly. Two hands went right out of the sides of the spaceship.

Chapter 15 “Cool!” everybody said. Melanie grabbed the piece and it automatically went into the storeroom. Melanie drove the spaceship. “Off to Mercury!” she called. Whoosh! It turned around. “I can see Mercury!” Sparkle exclaimed. In the distance there was a tiny rock.

Chapter 16 Vroom! POW! They landed on the cool side of the planet. “It’s –240˚F out there!” exclaimed Lisa. They put on spacesuits in the dressing room. Then they hopped out of the spaceship onto Mercury. “According to my research, there should be a lot of craters.” said Valerie.

Chapter 17 Hop! Hop! They searched everywhere. “Let’s check over there.” Decided Eliza. But ahead of them was a large crater. They jumped in. “How are we going to see?” asked Melanie. “Golden Beam.” Said Carson softly. A little glow lighted the whole place. They all followed Carson because she was holding the glow.

Chapter 18 They walked slowly. Something shimmered in the darkness. “Look!” called Sparkle. They all looked in the direction Sparkle was pointing at. Carson didn’t put her glow lighter to see what it was, but walked over to it. Everyone followed her.

Chapter 19 As they walked closer the thing turned blue. “A blue gem!” Emma exclaimed. She picked it up. A light showed up. “Find a thing on planet X.” It said. Boom! A hole was above them. They jumped up, right into the spaceship. They took a window in case something was heading toward them.

Chapter 20 “How are we going to get inside Venus?” asked Sparkle. “It’s poisenproof.” said Melanie. “Speaking of Venus we’re in it.” Eliza told them. “This time I’m staying in.” said Lisa firmly. Boing! They were out on Venus. “I guess we’re finding the yellow gem.” said Madison.

Chapter 21 “I want to pick yellow rocks.” said Eliza. She picked one up. “Sun Burn!” she screamed. “You found a gem!” Lisa thought. She was watching them. Before they even knew it they were back in the spaceship. Eliza laid the yellow gem on the part they found on the Sun and she put the blue one there too.

Chapter 22 “Off to Mars!” shouted Sarah. “There’s Earth!” said Sparkle “Wow!” said Melanie. “Bye Earth!” whispered Ruth Rose. POW! “Already?” asked Carson. “I’m staying in.” Lisa jumped out. She picked up red dust and blew it away. Sarah was doing it too. Soon everyone was doing it.

Chapter 23 “Here’s a red gem.” said Sarah picking up a red shining stone. “Wow!” said Emma admiring the gem. They ran back to the spaceship. They put the red shining gem on the thing that they got on the Sun. “Watch for a green gem.” said Lisa.

Chapter 24 “Apple Throw!” yelled Sarah. Apples came out of thin air. They made a path for them. But the asteroids covered it up again. “We’ll have to do it the hard way.” Said Lisa. Vroom! They turned and they twisted. “Catch the green gem!” shouted Lisa.

Chapter 25 Melanie pushed a button on the control panel. Two hands came out. The hands caught the gem. “Yeah!” said Lisa clapping. She put the gem with the other ones. They zipped past the asteroids. On the control panel there were words.

Chapter 26 It said, “You will find flying gems.” “Here’s one right now!” said Sparkle. Melanie pushes the button again. The hands caught the gem. Lisa put the gem on the piece that they got on the Sun. “Look at Jupiter!” said Carson excitedly.

Chapter 27 They looked at Jupiter. Soon it was out of sight. In its place was Saturn. “Catch the flying gem!” yelled Madison. Melanie pressed the button again. It caught the gem. Madison put it with the rest. Melanie accidentally pressed another button.

Chapter 28 Aliens came out of nowhere. They each took one of the girls. The aliens gems, carried to a room in which a sign said, “Do not go in here.” They went inside. There were children, and candy. “Find the gems here.” The aliens said as they put the girls down.

Chapter 29 The girls stared at them. “Then come with us.” said Madison. “We’d be happy to. My name is Bill and they are Mandy, Lily, Robyn, Coco, Will, Ryan, Michael, Skyler, and David.” said Bill as he pointed to each one. “You can eat as you go.” said Lily picking up a gumdrop.

Chapter 30 They all picked up a piece of candy and ate it. “Yum!” said Eliza. “Let’s get going.” said Valerie. Melanie picked up a gem. “Here’s a golden gem.” she said. “Transportation.” said Coco. “Huh, where did it go?” asked Lisa. “I don’t know.” answered Melanie.

Chapter 31 “It went to where it is suppose to be.” said Skyler. “Wow!” said Eliza. They kept on walking. “Help!” a child said. “My kite is stuck!” “Grass Pins.” said Lisa before anyone can say anything. Grass Pins cut the tree branch the boy was standing next to.

Chapter 32 The child pulled the kite out of the tree. “Thank you.” he said. This time the girls skipped while the aliens flew in midair. Soon it turned black. Bad Boy Black said, “Rain will make a flood upon here.” Four girls came out of midair.

Chapter 33 “Who are you?” Asked Mandy. “We are the Nature Girls. My name is Mary and this is Lily, Robyn, and Amanda.” Mary said. Mary and Amanda flew up. “Insect Beam! Air soar!” They yelled. Amanda looked like a bird while Mary was a ball of insects.

Chapter 34 “Animal Change! Plant Tornado!” Lily and Robyn yelled. Robyn turned into a poison dart frog while Lily was a spinning tornado. The nature girls jumped into Lily’s Tornado. “Your turn!” they yelled. “Rainbow Shield!” shouted Melanie.

Chapter 35 All of them jumped into the tornado. Their power gained against Bad Boy Black. “AAAAAAAA!” he yelled. “Yes!” the girls said. Soon they were back on the ground. “Earth.” sighed Lisa. The Nature girls were still there. “We will help you on your journey.” Mary said.

Questions and notes by Dad:

1. In Chapter 8, all “periods/commas” of book titles should be inside the quotation marks. Are these books real books, or you made up them?

2. Chapter 9, “Yes,” the librarian said, “he went right into a big hole.” Who is “he” here?

3. Chapter 11, what does it mean by “Start at the sun and end at Pluto?”

4. Chapter 19, what does it mean by “They took a window in case something was heading toward them.”

5. Chapter 28, the sentence isn’t good, “The aliens gems, carried to a room in which a sign said,”

6. The title is “Rainbow Girls and the Broken Telephone Wire,” but most of the story talks about girls getting gems from planets. Do you need to revise the title?