那天跟朋友逛商场，要走的时侯旁边保安对我喊；“站住，你的衣服里面鼓鼓囊囊的装了什么”？

我愤怒的掀起衣服大声吼；这是肉，是肉！我自己的！！

送给大家乐一乐：甲老师在批改英语作文，忽然大发雷霆：“我从来没看过这么烂的英语作文”
乙老师见状问：“写的是什么啊？”
甲老师：“写一个王子和公主的故事。”
“不错啊”  乙说。
“他竟然在开头写王子问公主‘can you speak chinese?'
公主回答‘yes',
接下来的全部都是中文

肚子饿，看见同事桌上有瓶酸奶，想都没想就喝了，

一会同事来了大叫到：“我的洗面奶怎么不见了！108块啊！！”

哥没说话，只是默默的走向厕所，一顿抠嗓子，老难受了，把东西拼命的吐，直到吐出酸水，好不容易吐的差不多了，眼泪叭嚓滴回到座位上时，

同事抱着一个瓶子说：“吓死我了，洗面奶滚到桌子下了，我的酸奶怎么又不见了呢。
你奶奶个熊滴，喝你点酸奶 把人往死里整～～～

昨天去吃饭，有道菜叫：“女人四十”，上来一看，是一盘黄花菜……今天吃饭，看着菜单不知道点什么好，突然看到有个菜名“男人四十”，也不贵，想了想，女人四十是（黄花菜），想看看男人四十是什么，于是就点了.......服务员上菜道：“男人四十请慢用！”定睛一看，......花心大萝卜！

INSTALLING HUSBAND

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I Upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a Distinct Slowdown in the overall System Performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery Applications, which Operated Flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 Uninstalled another Valuable Program, Romance 9.5 and then Installed undesirable Programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1
What can I do ?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter Command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to Download Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the Applications Jewellery 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, Overuse of the above Application can cause Husband 1.0 to Default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original Package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new Virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be Downloaded into your System.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to Re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are Unsupported Applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Cute Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.