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一语中的:对名人们的超幽默刻画
送交者: 漂移 2011年01月13日08:05:07 于 [笑林之声] 发送悄悄话

不知是哪位幽默甜菜编写了这个充满智慧的诙谐段子。一两句话就将各位名人的个性,成就,轶事或窘事淋漓尽致地展现出来。下面是众名人们对“Why did the chicken cross the road?”的回答,很多回答后面都是有典故的有些若翻译成中文“笑”果就逊色了)

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010.  This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

 

ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? 

 

BARACK OBAMA:  The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change!  The chicken wanted change!

 

SARAH PALIN:  The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

 

JOHN McCAIN:  My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

 

HILLARY CLINTON:  When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

 

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.

 

GEORGE W. BUSH:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

 

DICK CHENEY:  Where's my gun?

 

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

 

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken.

 

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

  

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain, alone.

 

ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

 

OPRAH:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

 

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

 

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

 

JOHN LENNON:  Imagine... all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, and all we are saying is give the peaceful chicken a chance to cross the road.

 

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

 

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

 

DR. SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

 

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

 

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

 

NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

 

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

   

JERRY FALWELL:  Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

   

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?

 

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