If we can't beat our competitors, we beat our customers．

Now Offering One Free Carry Off.

We're the first airline ever to cause turbulence on the ground
At United our crew members are more important than paying customers.
Let Us Re-Accomodate You．
Please turn off your cellphones. We don’t want video evidence．
We treat you like we treat your luggage
Normal flights have cabin crews, we have bouncers. 
You may have patients, but we don't have patience. 
We Make Offers You'd Better Not Refuse．
We overbooked but you pay the price．
If we can't seat you，we will beat you.
Volunteer, or we’II make you volunteer.
We have Red Eye and Black Eye flights available! 
We will drag you to destination. 
If we overbook, you'II catch a right hook.
We don't ask you．We choose you．
Did you want a window seat or a concussion?