| 姐姐VS妹妹 |
| 送交者: 网友讨论 2004年02月24日06:49:43 于 [彩虹之约] 发送悄悄话 |
|
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 我自己的父母，他们自以为聪明所造成的伤害，不知害我有多少深。很多时候，不是他们故意的，而是他们从情感上无法面对。你的妹妹，对你的敌意，是因为她无法面对你一直比她顺利这个事实。人心都是很脆弱的。很多事情无法去面对。作为你，很重要一点是学会接纳他们，包括接纳亲人对你的敌意这个事实。很多基督徒在这方面是有欠缺的，表现在，他们爱人，但是不接受他们所爱的人有缺点这个事实，结果就是自欺欺人。我举个例子。教会里有的弟兄人品非常坏，吃喝嫖赌，是个人都看出来了，可是领头的弟兄姐妹就是看不见。因为他们没有勇气去接纳一个人品有严重缺陷的弟兄。学会按照别人的本相接纳别人，是一个很大的挑战。但是主耶稣就是这样作的。主耶稣爱ＰＥＴＥＲ，但是他事先就知道ＰＥＴＥＲ会背叛他。 ＴＨＥ ＬＯＲＤ ＮＥＶＥＲ ＬＯＶＥＳ ＵＳ ＢＥＣＡＵＳＥ ＯＦ Ｗ 是啊，人的爱是有限的，有条件的，只有GOD的爱是无私的。 In the bible, God said the man and woman need to leave their parents and be united with one another. That means they need to love their spouse more than their parents, emotionally detained from parents. However, a lot of parents can not accepted this, and they either still heavily involved, which lead to conflicting between families ; or they feel lost when they did not receipted the #1 love as expected. In these cases, I see that it's perfectly normal your sister love her husband more than you; and love her kids more than your wall. (I said Normal, not perfect). Maybe her husband was giving you some hints by giving some of their feeling. Sooner or later, you need to accepted the fact that she is growing up and have her family now, which is her closed "blood". You are NOT part of her direct family. Sorry to be meant, just want to make a point. You should be very happy for they have such close bonds, and that she has a happy family. Why not give praise to Lord for that? Meanwhile, use that as a reflection, to check: 1) were you able to continue love her by supporting as much as you can, yet do not attached any string to that? The receiption might not appreciated that much, and givers are angry because they do not appreciate. For example, a parent could say that you should buy a safe car, if you buy Volve, I will support you $2000, this way, the parents are dictating what their children are doing; they could really be hurted when their kids really want another car. Yet the other wise way is saying : "You should get a better, safe car you like, don't worry about the price, we will support you for $2000." And only offer opinion when you asked. 2) Do you love your husband and kids more than you love your sister? Your husband and kids might sense that and cause family issues later on. I know an old lady like that, she loved her brother more than anything else. Her daughter bitterly complainted about it. The family was not a happy one. 3) Try to learn how to let it go, get ready before you kids grown up. That said, I agree you are disappointed on certain things, those could be valid reasons. However, some could be personality or habits, for example, her husband's personality; or kids drawing on the wall. Check to see do they tend to buy cheap stuff, or only buy cheap for others while buy expensive for their kids; or do they allow their kids drawing on the wall at their home? If they buy cheap stuff for their kids and allow kids drawing on wall at home, then you can understand some people are CHEAP or CARELESS. (We are guilty on both count here, :). I love shopping in 99cent store; and we gave up cleaning after our daughter). The best you can do is tell the kids ahead of time that you do not allow any kids (include yours) to draw on the wall, then be firm yet not meant after they do that. If they are different at home and at your house, then this is a "quality" issue; you can not do much about it now, you could when she was young. The best you can do is to pray for them, then use them as a mirror to check what other place you might share similar things, and try your best to remind yourself. Some one said that you will be extremly sensitive to certain things, because you share that same things. It's very true for me. After all, be thanksful you have a close sister, and be thanksful for her having a good family. I have an older brother, we are never too close, there are various reasons, for example, we rarely live together because our family got assigned housing very late. However, look back, a big part of the reason is I study very well, and very COMPETITIVE, and my parents were very proud of me, and I had felt that way too. Yet now it's too late. The only thing I can do is to try to be nicer when I talked to him; however, judge by the things go, I did no do a good job either. So, you pray for yourself, not for her, and I need to pray for myself, not for my brother. 看联结：内在的医治http://www.cclw.net/coach/neizaiyizi/index.html hi, "SAD SISTER": I read some of your posts and want to tell you my thinking. 1. your sister continued to give her kid pencil after the kid drew on your wall. This dosn't mean she wanted the kid to continue to draw on the wall. Maybe she just wanted the kid to have fun on the paper.If you think your sister in this way, that may mean there are a shadow in your own heart. Do you trust her? 2. from your posts, you really have a strong opinion against her husband. And you are so confident about yourself, that you didn't realize you have showed this to your sister from time to time. This is annoying and can be hurting to your sister , too. it would push her away from you. My sister used not to like my husband. Her words on him always made me cry. The good thing is that my brother-in-law came in and made friends with my husband, now my sister started to change her attitude. When my sister was against my husband, I feel deeply hurt, because she was misreading his reponse and his actions all the time.when you judge your sister as a person with so many shortcomings, maybe you should check your own attitude , too. your pain is from your judgement which sounds like you want her to be like you but she dosn't. you are not the one who can judge, that's God's job even if the person you try to judge isn't a Christian.Do you want your sister to come to you and come to God,then tolerate her otherwise , you can just push her farther. God bless. Love is a lesson that we need to spend whole life to learn. tolerance is an important part of it. Good luck. 你也要同时学一些辅导学的基本功课，例如如何运用同理心。同理心是要开导人最基本的技巧。不先认同，要想改变他人的想法是不可能的。而真正的认同就是让对方真正感受到你真诚的关心，与真切的了解。换句话说，就是用基督无条件的爱来爱他们，让他们真正感受到神的爱。 有个基本的事实与信念可以在你得到令妹的认同后，与他沟通：每一个父母，都是把他们所知最好的来给他们的儿女，这是天经地义、普世适用的。也许父母的方法不令我们满意，他们的条件无法做到完美，但是他们一定已经尽力了。用他自己的孩子来作例子，应该可以让他体会到这个事实。 我觉得，帮助我妹妹信主，关键在于先说服妹夫信服主。因为妹妹现在一切都顺从妹夫，简直他就是她的上帝。 可说服妹夫信基督真的很难。妹夫本来出生于基督徒家庭。12岁就受洗了。可由于爸爸早年过世，他的基督徒妈妈几年之内多次改嫁，气得他16离家出走。。。总之，虽然他至今还可以整段，整段的背下圣经的原文(他真的背给我们听过)，他现在信佛教，搞得妹妹也信佛。 每次跟妹夫讨论起来我就头痛(因为我确实还没学好圣经)。不过，我要记住您的话，不住的祷告，求神的恩典；不住的等候，等候神的旨意。并同时充实自己，学好真道。没准有一天我真能说服他重新信主，让妹妹得到灵魂的解救。 “因为妹妹现在一切都顺从妹夫，简直他就是她的上帝。” It's not wrong for your sister to love her hubby since she had a bad first marriage. You are still so sensitive and kind of picky to her.
|
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
| 实用资讯 | |
