Man and woman are so different. A good couple should really know they are different because of gender, as well as background, grown-up environment, family background, education background, personalities...

Today my husband and I had a fight. So sad ...
He thinks I am panic at child-raising. But I am not. I just like to learn and know more before kids really come to our lives.
Family is very very very important to wives. Husband and children are too.
In one word, family is all to me. So I'd love to spend my time and energy on my family.
But he thinks I am "panic". I am soooo sad, sad and sad.
What does he think I should do? Sitting before TV and looking at chinese programs or series? No, I does not like TV! I like books! I love reading!

I know that I was raised in a not-so-called "right" way. I was raised up with critisms and scolds. I was afraid of authority. I was afraid of people. I had no friends. I could not sleep well all the time...
I cannot afford that my kids grow up like me.
But what is the right way? I haven't seen a right model in my life. I think the way to make up is that I learn more and study harder about the right way.
I learn from books. I ask other moms. I learn from observing classes.
What is wrong with my learning?

I am just learning. I am not panic.
His comment "you are panic" makes me very very very sad. It is like: I studied very hard at cooking and spent a lot of time on dinners, what he comments is "you are panic. stop doing it."

Why he does not understand me? Why he cannot take me as I am?
Am I not good to him any more after the marriage?
Is my habit (reading) not appealing to him after the marriage?

What does he want me to do???