徹夜難眠的出國考試

當年也是在 「新東方」讀下來的，大約五六年前吧。那時的男朋友，也就是我現在的先生已到美國，兩人初嘗相思之苦。但由於當時探親簽證不易獲准，所以決定還先考托福和GRE，申請美國學校的獎學金，赴美比較有把握。為著兩人的未來，學習不敢不廢寢忘食，但因報名時已誤了新東方三分之一的課，學起來總有些力不從心。

焦慮之中，GRE考期已至。考前一天的臨陣磨槍之後，夜 醒來時，外面還是萬籟俱寂，心 不禁暗暗叫苦。看了看表，才睡了兩三個小時而已。閉上眼從一數到五百多，依然不能入睡。無可奈何又戴上耳機，磁帶正反兩面都聽完了，心情也越來越沮喪，腦子 亂麻似的。長夜漫漫，何時是盡頭啊！音樂好似無休無止地響著，不知何時我忍不住開始哭泣起來。

第二天還是支撐下來了，但分數比平時模擬考試低了一二百分，申請獎學金已經無望。後來雖以探親簽證赴美，但此中苦楚，想來只有同走出國之路的人，才能體會吧！

跨過信仰的門檻

赴美之後，就加入中國留學生的潮流，改讀會計系。入學前又是一番掙扎，考了GMAT，又補了一年的課。這期間，我因選課的緣故認識了些基督徒，他們介紹我和先生到當地的學生團契參加聚會。起初去的動機只是好奇而已，然而在他們一而再的邀請之下，便有了第二次，第三次。

他們的真摯與熱心令我感動，漸漸的，我也很願意親近這樣的一群人。在團契 不知問過多少個問題，記得最清楚的就是：「假如神是善良的，為什麼世界上還會有苦難？」老實說，從沒有什麼人給了真正讓我滿意的答案。但好奇心還是把我一次又一次地帶回到團契，並促使我開始讀聖經。

有一天我看了電影《耶穌傳》，非常受感動。我在聖經 讀過有關耶穌的描寫，但總覺得那只是個虛構的故事而已。但這部電影深深震撼了我的心，我才意識到 是真實的，而且 替我而死！這樣的愛，在我來看是不可思議的。我很想更多地認識 。於是我隨著電影片尾的禱告，請求 來帶領我的一生。

同樣的失眠夜，不同的心路歷程

　　時間飛逝，註冊會計師考試又提前些日程。考試的範圍中，有一半沒在美國修過任何相關的課，另一半也已忘記了不少。尤其是寫文章部分，更是吃力。補習班開課之前的三個月，我已借了書開始研習。四個月的課程，我也步步緊跟，但沒想到，課程安排只給總複習留了兩三個星期的時間，對我來說遠遠不夠。我一下子慌了，那些日子 ，整個人高度緊張，從早到晚連吃飯也是手不釋卷。

終於又到了考試的前一天，我已近乎心力交瘁了。臨睡前，我又一次向耶穌禱告，求 給我一夜好眠。然而一覺醒來，竟仍是漆黑的半夜兩點鐘。我一下子又委屈又難過，不禁向耶穌抱怨：「跟隨你以後不是一切都會變好嗎？耶穌啊，你知道我的考前緊張症，為什麼不讓我一覺睡到天亮呢？難道你不管我了嗎？」

黑暗之中，並沒有聽到什麼超自然的聲音回答我。然而漸漸地，一股溫暖堅定的力量流進我沮喪的心田。我自己並不明白為什麼，但整個人開始安靜下來，甚至開始歡喜，依稀聽到耶穌對我說：「不要怕，我一直與你同在，我會帶你走過去。」

我知 掌管明天，也知 牽我手

那個長夜就是這樣過去的，我依然是快到天亮才蒙 入睡，渾渾中仍不時為第二天的考試而緊張擔心；但與以往不同的是，耶穌一直給我安慰和鼓勵，在我最需要的時候，賜給我力量， 的愛使我心中平安，能安然入睡。

　　那兩天的考試 ，我雖然十分疲倦，但心 很平安。結果我不僅順利地通過了考試，而且每門成績都在九十五分以上。我知道，數年之後，我也許早已忘記這些關於考試的掙扎，但我會永遠記得這個失眠的夜晚。我知道耶穌掌管明天， 的愛和能力是最可依靠的。

生活就像轉陀螺一樣，我們每天所要面對的壓力及需求常常超過我們所能負荷的，我們如何應付對這樣的情況呢？但是，你可以擁有夢寐以求的平安，沒有一個人是完美的，也沒有一個人擁有過完美無瑕的生活，但我們每個人都有機會與神建立個人的親密關係，藉著 兒子耶穌基督的救贖，經歷神應許的完美恩典。

　　你現在就可以憑信心藉著禱告接受耶穌基督。禱告就是跟 神說話， 神看重你內心?奶�度过又J雜錚�下脣鼓祷笅壬做参�?: 「主耶穌，我願親自認識您。謝謝您為我的罪死在十字架上。我願意打開心門接受耶穌作我的救主和生命的主。求您管理我的一生。謝謝您赦免我的罪並賜給我永生。使我成為您所喜悅的女人。奉主耶穌的名禱告，阿們。」

如果這個禱告合乎你的心願，請你現在就作同樣的禱告，基督就會照著 的應許進入你的生命。如果你已經做了這個邀請，你要用禱告感謝 已在你的生命中，並且 要永遠與你同在(《希伯來書》十三5)，你已經得到永生。當你多知道你與 神的關係，並且體驗 神的愛是何等長闊高深時，你的生命就會更豐盛。

Study Overseas: The Toast and Roast Behind the Journey

By: Estrella Wei

Shortly after my husband and I married we decided to move to the U.S. I hoped to attend college there on scholarship and so I had to take the TOEFL and GRE entrance exams. In the mist of my preparations for the exams, I fell behind on my classes. I was very nervous about the exams and as the date grew closer, my anticipation mounted.

The day before the exams finally came. I crammed all day and then tried to go to sleep. I tried everything to get to sleep, but nothing worked. My anxiety grew with each sleepless hour. When morning came I was exhausted and drained. I made it through the tests, but when my results came back my scores were about a hundred points lower than my practice tests. I was devastated. All my dreams of getting a scholarship were gone.

The Turning Point: Passing the Doorsteps of Becoming a Believer

After coming to the U.S., I was back to square one trying to apply for college admission. I followed the footsteps of many fellow Chinese students and changed my major to Accounting. The process wasn’t easy though. I had to spend a year studying for the GMAT exam and going through a rigorous application process.

Meanwhile, I met some Christians in my classes, and I was invited along with my husband to attend some student fellowship gatherings. At first we went there just out of curiosity. Their welcoming invitations continued, and we went again and again.

Their sincerity and affection really touched our hearts. I asked countless questions such as “If God is good, why is there still suffering in the world?” Frankly, I wasn’t fully pleased with any of the answers I got. But I was curious, so I kept going and continued reading the Bible.

One day I watched a movie called Biography of Jesus, and it deeply touched me. I had read about Jesus in the Bible, I knew his story, but as I watched the movie it really struck me that he was a real person. I understood that he died in my place and I wanted to know more about him. Right then I prayed and asked him to take control of my life

An Incredible Finish: Sleepless Night Yet Again, but a Brand New Journey

Before long it was time to study for the CPA exam. I started studying three months before the exam. That didn’t give me much of an advantage, though, as half of the topics covered in the classes were completely new to me. I tried my best to keep up with the pace of the class, but there was not much time for the final review. Toward the end, I started to panic and didn’t know what to do. I don’t know how I managed to live through those days.

The night before the big exam I was really stressed. I prayed before I went to bed, asking God to give me a good night’s sleep. But when I woke up, it was just 2:00 in the morning. I was really sad and complained to God. I grumbled to God about my anxiety before exams. “Shouldn’t everything be smooth once I followed your path?” “Why didn’t you let me sleep through the night?” “Are you just going to leave me here to fight my own battles?” As I continued through the list of complaints to God.

I didn’t hear any response in the darkness of the night. Yet there was a warm and firm force building inside my heart that I just can’t quiet explain. I could hear Him saying: “Don’t be afraid, I’ll be here with you and guide your way.”

Like the old times, that long night passed with me still unable to sleep until almost sunrise, and the anxiety about the exam was still there. Nonetheless, the difference was that God there with me to support me, to guide me, and to give me strength when I needed the most.

I passed the CPA Exam and my score for each of the four parts is more than 95%. I know my struggles with these exams may be long forgotten in a few years. But I will never forget this sleepless night. I know He holds tomorrow, and you can take that to the bank.

Life can be a roller coaster. The demands and pressures that modern women face can be overwhelming. What is the answer? Where does peace come from? You can have the peace that you are looking for; there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised. If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.