轉載千里走單騎的翻譯和解讀 

https://callvoter.com/2020-golden-globe-ricky-gervais-monologue/

Hello and welcome to the 77th annual Golden Globe Awards, live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel here in Los Angeles. I’m Ricky Gervais, thank you.

大家好！歡迎來到第77界金球獎頒獎現場。我們是在洛杉磯的比佛利希爾頓大酒店進行直播。我是Ricky Gervais，謝謝大家。

You’ll be pleased to know this is the last time I’m hosting these awards, so I don’t care anymore. I’m joking. I never did. I’m joking, I never did. NBC clearly don’t care either — fifth time. I mean, Kevin Hart was fired from the Oscars for some offensive tweets — hello?

你會很高興地知道，這是我最後一次主持頒獎典禮，所以我已經不在乎了。開個玩笑而已….我從來就沒有在乎過。NBC顯然也不在乎，這是他們第五次邀請我。你們想想，Kevin Hart, 就因為發了幾個冒犯人的帖子，被奧斯卡開除了，你們再看看我？

Lucky for me, the Hollywood Foreign Press can barely speak English and they’ve no idea what Twitter is, so I got offered this gig by fax. Let’s go out with a bang, let’s have a laugh at your expense. Remember, they’re just jokes. We’re all gonna die soon and there’s no sequel, so remember that.

幸運的是，好萊塢外媒辦事處基本上不懂英語，也不知道推特是啥，所以他們又請了我，還是通過傳真發的聘書。既然如此，那就讓我轟轟烈烈地離場吧。咱們就大笑一場，用你們做代價。別忘了，這都是玩笑。我們不久都會死掉，誰也沒有續集，記住這點。

But you all look lovely all dolled up. You came here in your limos. I came here in a limo tonight and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman. No, shush. It’s her daughter I feel sorry for. OK? That must be the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to her. And her dad was in Wild Hogs.

你們今天都打扮得漂漂亮亮的，坐着豪華車來這兒領獎。我也是坐着豪車來的，車牌還是Felicity Huffman製作的。安靜點兒，安靜點兒。我同情的是她女兒，好不好？那大概是她一生中最尷尬的時候了，哪怕她老爹演過《野豬》。

Lots of big celebrities here tonight. Legends. Icons. This table alone — Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro … Baby Yoda. Oh, that’s Joe Pesci, sorry. I love you man. Don’t have me whacked. But tonight isn’t just about the people in front of the camera. In this room are some of the most important TV and film executives in the world. People from every background. They all have one thing in common: They’re all terrified of Ronan Farrow. He’s coming for ya. Talking of all you perverts, it was a big year for pedophile movies. Surviving R. Kelly, Leaving Neverland, Two Popes. Shut up. Shut up. I don’t care. I don’t care.

今晚有好多名人來到現場，有些簡直就是傳奇人物。單看這張桌子，就有Al Pacino，Robert DeNiro，還有尤達寶寶。哦，不對，那是Joe Pesci，看走眼了。我愛你，老哥兒，千萬別把我做掉。但是今天到場的不止是影視明星，還有全世界的影視公司老總們。他們的背景各不相同，但是有一個共同點：所有人都害怕Ronan Farrow。他下一個目標就是你。提起你們這幫變態，今年真是戀童癖主題的豐收年。逃脫R. Kelly, 遠離Neverland，兩個大主教的故事等等。閉嘴，閉嘴，我才不在乎。

Many talented people of color were snubbed in major categories. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about that. Hollywood Foreign Press are all very racist. Fifth time. So. We were going to do an In Memoriam this year, but when I saw the list of people who died, it wasn’t diverse enough. No, it was mostly white people and I thought, nah, not on my watch. Maybe next year. Let’s see what happens.

今年的主要類別中，很多出色的少數族裔演員被排除在外。不幸的是，我們對此無能為力。 好萊塢外媒辦事處養着一幫種族份子。 別忘了這是我第五次主持。 我們本來還打算舉辦一次悼念活動，但是我一看死者名單，顯然不夠多元化。怎麼死的大部分都是白人？所以我決定不辦了，這麼種族歧視的事，不能在我眼皮底下發生。 或許明年，看看情況怎麼樣。

No one cares about movies anymore. No one goes to cinema, no one really watches network TV. Everyone is watching Netflix. This show should just be me coming out, going, “Well done Netflix. You win everything. Good night.” But no, we got to drag it out for three hours. You could binge-watch the entire first season of Afterlife instead of watching this show. That’s a show about a man who wants to kill himself ’cause his wife dies of cancer and it’s still more fun than this. Spoiler alert, season two is on the way so in the end he obviously didn’t kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up. I know he’s your friend but I don’t care.

現在都沒人看電影了。 沒人去影院，沒人看電視，大家都在看Netflix。 這個頒獎典禮應該只有我一個人出來，說一句就完：“好樣的Netflix！你包攬了所有獎項，晚安。” 但是不，我們必須拖拖拉拉搞成三個小時。 這三個小時，你本來可以突擊追完整個《來世》的第一季。 那是一個因為妻子死於癌症，所以一個男人想自殺的電視劇，就這都比頒獎典禮有意思。劇透警告，第二季馬上就要開始，所以他顯然沒有自殺。 就像愛潑斯坦沒有自殺一樣。 閉嘴！ 我知道他是你們的朋友，我該說還說。

Seriously, most films are awful. Lazy. Remakes, sequels. I’ve heard a rumor there might be a sequel to Sophie’s Choice. I mean, that would just be Meryl just going, “Well, it’s gotta be this one then.” All the best actors have jumped to Netflix, HBO. And the actors who just do Hollywood movies now do fantasy-adventure nonsense. They wear masks and capes and really tight costumes. Their job isn’t acting anymore. It’s going to the gym twice a day and taking ster0ids, really. Have we got an award for most ripped junky? No point, we’d know who’d win that.

嚴肅一點地說，今年大部分電影都很爛。 太懶。 好多重拍，續集。 我聽到傳言說蘇菲的選擇可能會拍續集。 我的天，那不就是Meryl說一句話的事嗎，“好吧，我就選這個。” 所有好演員都跳槽去了Netflix跟HBO。 現在，只拍好萊塢電影的人都在拍那些科幻垃圾。 他們戴着面具，披着斗篷，穿着緊身衣。 他們的工作已經不需要表演了，每天要做的就是一天兩次健身房，然後服用激素。我們有沒有一個獎給肌肉最發達的癮君子？ 沒有？我們知道誰會贏。

Martin Scorsese made the news for his controversial comments about the Marvel franchise. He said they’re not real cinema and they remind him about theme parks. I agree. Although I don’t know what he’s doing hanging around theme parks. He’s not big enough to go on the rides. He’s tiny. The Irishman was amazing. It was amazing. It was great. Long, but amazing. It wasn’t the only epic movie. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and by the end his date was too old for him. Even Prince Andrew was like, “Come on, Leo, mate.You’re nearly 50-something.”

Martin Scorsese 上了新聞，因為他針對Marvel那堆超級英雄發表了一些有爭議的看法。他說這些不是真正的電影，只是讓他想到主題公園遊樂場。我同意。不過我不理解他去遊樂場幹啥？他身高不夠，啥也坐不了。《愛爾蘭人》很棒，非常好看。太長，但是很棒。 《愛爾蘭人》 還不是唯一的，《好萊塢往事》差不多三個小時！小李子去了首映式，電影演完，他女朋友已經太老了。連安德魯王子也說了，行了，小李子，你都快50多了！

The world got to see James Corden as a fat p*ssy. He was also in the movie Cats. No one saw that movie. And the reviews, shocking. I saw one that said, “This is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs.” But Dame Judi Dench defended the film saying it was the film she was born to play because she loves nothing better than plunking herself down on the carpet, lifting her leg and licking her ass. (Coughs.) Hairball. She’s old-school.

全世界都看到了James Corden這個慫逼的表現。 他還演了電影《貓》。 沒人看過那部電影，可是那影評，令人震驚。 我看到一個人說：“對於貓來講，這是自人類養狗之後最窩心的事。” 但是朱迪·丹奇夫人為這部電影辯護說，她生出來就是要演這部片子的，因為她最愛的莫過於蹲在地毯上，抬起後腿，狂舔自己的屁股。 （乾咳）那一團毛球， 她是老派作風。

It’s the last time, who cares? Apple roared into the TV game with The Morning Show, a superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing, made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. Well, you say you’re woke but the companies you work for in China — unbelievable. Apple, Amazon, Disney. If ISIS started a streaming service you’d call your agent, wouldn’t you?

這是最後一回主持頒獎了，我是豁出去了。蘋果公司通過一部《早間節目》殺進了電視領域，這個戲非常棒，說的是尊嚴和正直的重要性，由一家在中國經營血汗工廠的公司製作。 好吧，你說你們都覺悟了，但是你在中國的老東家，真是令人難以置信。 蘋果，亞馬遜， 迪斯尼。 如果ISIS開通流媒體服務，你一樣會找你的代理去聯繫，對不對？

So if you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.

所以，如果你今晚得了獎，請不要把這裡當作發表政治演說的平台。 不管什麼話題，你都沒有資格向廣大群眾說教。 你對現實世界一無所知。 你們大多數人上學的時間比Greta Thunberg還少。

So if you win, come up, accept your little award, thank your agent, and your God and f*** off, OK? 

如果你贏了，那麼就上台，接過你的小獎盃，感謝你的代理，感謝你的上帝，然後滾你媽的蛋，行不行？

後記：

Ricky Gervais 這個人不簡單，自己也拿過金球獎。 他本人不是什麼保守派，甚至可以說是個左派，只是看不慣好萊塢的烏煙瘴氣，特別那些淫亂無度的人渣，整天卻像聖母一樣教導群眾。 Ricky的主持風格有點像30年前的好萊塢：自嘲自諷，娛樂大眾。可惜，左派的政治正確毀了好萊塢，昔日風光不再。

Kevin Hart是黑人笑星，堪稱脫口秀第一人，年收入全球居首。已經被聘主持奧斯卡，但是十幾年前開過幾個玩笑，不希望他的兒子成為同性戀，結果又被人翻了出來，他拒絕再次道歉，寧願放棄主持奧斯卡。

Ronan Farrow 就是掀翻性侵大師韋恩斯坦的記者。作為好萊塢首屈一指的大腕， 韋恩斯坦潛規則了無數女明星。Farrow也揭發了NBC的幾個老總，而且還在挖掘。

Felicity Huffman是好萊塢影星，前些日子美國名校欺詐案中的一員，花錢偷改女兒的SAT高考成績，為此剛去監獄裡呆了兩周。

好萊塢的政治正確已經到了登峰造極的地步，無論演技如何，如果黑人不得獎，那就是種族歧視。前兩年#奧斯卡太白了就是一個例子。所以主持人說自己是白人，卻五次主持金球獎，顯然組織者是種族份子。而且死的明星里也大都是白人，所以也應該多元化一些。

Epstein就是那位性奴島島主，因為給無數政要送過雛妓，前些日子在監獄裡離奇“自殺”了，但是沒人相信他是自殺。這件事目前還在猛烈發酵， #EpsteinDidntKillHimself 是推特上長盛不衰的熱搜。主持人後來提到的英國皇室安德魯王子，也是這一樁，跟Epstein交往甚密，糟蹋過無數少女。

頒獎典禮又臭又長，主要原因是獲獎影星們都想藉機博點眼球，無非就是大吵全球變暖，種族歧視，全世界迫害穆斯林，川普是個惡棍等等。Greta就是那個瑞典環保少女，一年不上課，滿世界晃悠。所以主持人諷刺說你們這些影星上的學比她還少，就不要裝什麼磚家了。你們其實屁都不懂，自己過着奢靡的生活，就不要說教了，領完獎滾蛋。