我小的時候，認為基督無非就是一個永恆的靈，是我的良心的一部分，就是這些。從我記事的時候起，我就開始知道基督了。讀聖經故事，去參加主日學，飯前禱告，我就是在這樣的環境中被帶大的。簡言之，我是在一個基督徒的家庭中被養育大的。就像你們許多人知道的那樣，我父親是一個傳福音的人，或者范學德傳道，我的媽媽也是一個信徒。他們一直用福音和基督教來教導我。由於這個原因，我一直知道上帝，並且，在很小的時候，就和他建立了個人的關係。

儘管如此，但我從來沒想到過要受洗。我覺得，無論是我對上帝的知識還是我與他的關係都是不完善的。事實上，我覺得我們之間的關係僅僅存在於禮拜天。在一周其餘的時間裡，我只是簡單地遵循我的良心而已，並且我認為那就足夠了。隨着我長大了，更明白一些事了，我對基督的理解以及和他的個人關係，也都在增長，發展。主逐步幫助我抓住了許多我在過去無法想象的觀念，他漸漸地幫助我在不同的亮光下看事情，並改變我的生命。

由於我在基督教背景下成長，我持續不斷地認識基督，因此，沒有一個特殊之點，在那一個時刻，我開始認識了上帝。但無論如何，這裡有一個要點，上帝伸出了他的手，他改變了我的生命。那一個時刻就是教會2005年的退修會。基督挑戰我，讓我為他而活。他挑戰我去作我感到不舒服的事情。起初，我降低這個挑戰，我有點擔心，害怕，我想，“當我這麼做時，別人會怎麼看我”？緊接着我認識到，我的生命並不是關於我的，而是屬於上帝的。
我必須為上帝而活，因為他為我而死，我凡事都要榮耀他的名。在那一個時刻，我突然感到在我的生命中出現了一個裂縫，無論我怎麼去填滿它，它一直是空虛的。接着我明白了與上帝個人之間的關繫到底意味着什麼。於是，我開始為更多的個人的事情祈禱，我開始把它們與上帝聯繫起來。主幫助我改變自己的生命。

現在我做的每一件事情，我都要為主而作。我把我的生命和我的信賴都放在耶穌的手中，我要學習更多地去愛，主改變了我與之打交道的每個事情。現在，我進去了這樣的情境思考：“獻出你最好的，但不是為了榮耀你自己，而是為了榮耀上帝，以便通過我的行為，讓更多的人認識上帝。”我的生命在許多方面仍然需要改進，但我要把我的生命一直放在我的創造者的手中，他就是耶穌基督。

When I was young, I felt that Christ was simply an ever-present spirit
and part of my conscience, nothing more. I’ve known Christ for as long as I can remember. I was brought up reading Bible stories, going to Sunday school, and praying before every meal. In short, I was brought up in a Christian family. My father, as you may know, is the evangelist or missionary Fan Xue De. My mother is also a believer. They have always taught me about the Gospel and Christianity. Because of this, I have always known God and came to accept him personally very early on.

However, I never felt that I was ready to be baptized. I still felt incomplete in my knowledge of the Lord and in our relationship. In fact, I felt that our relationship only existed on Sundays. During the week, I simply followed my conscience. I felt that that was sufficient. As I grew older and wiser, my understanding of Christ grew and a personal relationship between us developed. The Lord slowly helped me to grasp ideas that were inconceivable to me in the past. He helped me to slowly see things in a different light and change.

Now since I grew up in a Christian setting, I gradually grew in Christ so there is no exact point when I came to know God. However, there is one point where God reached out and changed me. That point was the summer retreat of ’05. Christ challenged me to live my life for him. He dared me to do things that were uncomfortable. At first, I was reluctant to this challenge. I was apprehensive and frightened. “What might think of me when…?” I thought. Then I realized that my life should not be about me, it should be about God.

I should live my life for God since he died for me and everything I do should glorify his name. At that moment, I suddenly felt a gap in my life that seemed to remain empty no matter how I filled it up. Part of my heart and mind craved something. Then I discovered what it was- a relationship personally with God. I then started to pray more often about more personal things. I started to connect with the Lord. He helped me to change my life.

Now everything I do I do for him. I now place my life and trust with Jesus. I have learned to be more loving. He has changed my approach to everything. I now go into situations thinking, “Do your best at this not for glory, but to glorify God so that others may come to him through my actions.” My life still can be improved in many ways, but I will persevere and place my life in the hands of my creator, Jesus Christ.