Second prayer: God’s ways is higher than my ways
Like a lot of people, I had big dreams. I wished to get a PhD from a famous school. Even through I already got assistantship in a small school, I was not satisfied, and wished to transfer to a top school. That summer, I set off to a big city trying to find a summer job and apply for another top university.

I did not have any luck in either of these two.

As I said in a previous post, I walked door to door in China Town, but could not even get a bus boy or dish washer position, because I could not speak Cantonese, and didn’t have enough experience. (My three months experience in a small restaurant in the small town would not count. J See, that’s why I should get a degree from a top school! J ) I cannot describe the mixture of emotions I went through during this “job begging” experience. A few years later, I joked about this, saying that “it completely took away my attitude as ‘Owner of the Socialist Country’ (社会主义主人翁思想)”. (Actually, this experience turned out to be a very positive one to help me fit into the US companies, but that’s outside the scope of this article.)

Meanwhile, my long-term dream was dimming too. It was almost impossible to apply a school in July; tuitions for top school were way out of my reach; and completions were fierce, especially for the limited financial aids. Finally, with help, I talked to a few professors in the EE and CS department, include Chairman of the department, and I got admission to that university in fall semester. But there were no financial aid for the first semester, so I had to come up about $3000 tuition.

As the days went by, it become very clear to me that I will not be able to get the money in time. My parents already exhausted all their resources to borrow the money for me to come to the US; they could not borrow another $3000. My friends in US were mostly poor students, and they did not have much to spare. But I could not bare the thought that I have to give up my chance for a PhD degree, because as I said, I did not have much “meaning” left for life, and getting a PhD. was one of only few goals I could hold on to.

我恨！我恨时运不济，天生英才无人识！
我怨！我怨苍天无眼，英雄落难被犬欺！！
我妒！我妒世道不均，十年动乱国乱民贫，中华人民囊中羞涩，海外求学靠借钱！！！
（我就是忘了怪自己英文不灵，忘了好多同学高分名校，还有全额奖学金。;）)

Soon I needed to make the decision, whether I should go back to my school to continue my Master degree with assistantship, or take a sick leave and skip a semester to make $3000 with the risk losing the assistantship. It was a tough choice, and I struggled with it day and night.

Some of you now guess that must be my second prayer, and money might miracles fall from the sky into my hand, and then I will praise the Lord, have a happy ending, bra, bra…
Well, that’s what I wished for. L I did prayer a lot, and might even pray to God: “ it’s time for you to prove you exists, give me the money and I will believe you.” (Note: I am not very sure about this, since it’s over ten years ago.) However, things did not go as my wish, and money never came.

At that time, I was staying with an old lady, Dr. Chen. Dr. Chen and her husband were a very special couple, their story were nothing short of legendary. (I don’t have time to tell their entire story here.) They lived a super simple life, saving every penny they could save. Even though I was a poor student, I thought they were quite “stingy”, until I learned that they saved over four millions dollars to setup scholarship to help poor Chinese students to come aboard to study, first for Taiwan students, later for Mainland students. I respect her a lot, and she gave me a lot of advices and testimonies.

One day, she told me to pray about this, to lay down the burden to Lord’s hand, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8~9”

So we sat down in her small den (small library/office room), and prayed about my future. I asked the God to guide me and lead me, asked him to take away my burden and show me what should I do.

That was the most amazing, sweet prayer I have, and I remember it for a long time. There was such an indescribable peace among us; I felt as if the four walls were fading away, we were surround by a peaceful whiteness; only the voice of two of us filled the space. I felt released from all the anxiety, all the burden, all the worry… I knew that I should go back to my school, and I knew that’s God’s plan for me, and I know it’s THE best plan.

So I went back to my school soon after that, and the rest is my history.