青柳診所手記40

我不知道是不是跟這幾年的疫情有關，最近接觸的病人，不少都有抑鬱症或焦慮症的表現。有的抱怨生活的壓力，有的對未來感到擔心，有的對孤獨表示恐懼，還有的甚至無緣無故就感到疲倦、憤怒、無助、混亂、憂傷。

毫無疑問，針灸、推拿和中藥對於緩解情緒方面的障礙都是有幫助的。我和大師兄治療時，病人在宣泄情緒的過程中忍不住哭泣起來，這是常有的事。最近還有一個病人說，有一天我們治療她後，她把車開到一條僻靜的街道，在車裡狠狠哭了兩小時才回家。

有一個病人N對我說：“我是個多愁善感的人，我總是憂愁着，很多時候，我卻並不知道自己到底在憂愁着什麼。我的生活也是一團糟。我覺得自己一無所有，連一個聊得來的朋友都沒有，到現在，還只能住在父母家的地下室里。我看不到未來。我也不知道明天會跟今天有什麼不一樣。有時候我真的覺得人生沒意思極了！最糟糕的是，我沮喪之至時，我就對我的親人們發飆。其實我內心是很愛他們的，可是我就是忍不住傷害他們。為什麼會這樣呢？”

我說，“那是因為你的心裡有一股未釋放出來的憤怒，你暫時沒有找到好的方式把它表達出來，就只好發泄在你的親人身上。這是最安全的一種方法，因為你的內心知道，你的親人愛你，就算他們不贊同你現在的態度和處境，他們仍會一如既往地守護着你。”

“是這樣嗎？”N苦笑一聲，“那我該如何把我的負面情緒釋放出來而又不傷害別人呢？”

如何釋放出來呢？這天我一邊在水池裡清洗東西時一邊想。

忽然間我抬頭就看到一個有着花白鬍鬚的人正在外面的露台上工作。後來我才知道他叫M，是一個園藝家，阿里醫生這天特意請了他來修剪庭院的果樹。我剛剛見到他時，他面對着我卻看不到我，我卻可以清楚地通過樹枝看到他仰着的臉龐。他時不時眯縫起眼睛，像看一個老朋友一樣溫情脈脈地觀望着眼前的果樹。只見他的剪刀“咔嚓咔嚓”飛舞着，手法超級嫻熟。沒多久，一捆捆的枝條就整整齊齊堆放在他身旁的小車裡。

他一絲不苟地做着他的工作，整整一天，忙得不亦樂乎，臉上卻從沒有露出任何厭煩的表情，而始終是面帶微笑，津津有味地做着那看起來單調而乏味的工作。等他全部拾掇完後，整個庭院面目一新看上去清爽美麗多了。

“您真的熱愛園藝啊。”我忍不住走過去跟他結識一下。

他溫和地朝我微笑着，似乎我也是他相識多年的一個老朋友一樣。

“那當然。我熱愛創造。跟樹木在一起，我的整個身心都充滿了歡樂。你看，這些樹木花草都是有能量的啊。當我在做着我熱愛的工作時，我不緊不慢，完全投入到與自然同步共振的那種喜悅中，至於別人對我是什麼態度，或者街道上的車子在按着喇叭，或者天車在近處呼嘯而過，統統這些我都充耳不聞……”

“您在花園裡工作就等於藝術家在創作藝術作品一樣，這個創造的過程就是療愈的過程啊。”我不由得感嘆，心裡同時想起大師兄說過的話：“自然界就是最好的療愈者。當你滿懷柔情地握着一捧土時，你差不多已經被療愈了一半。”

M像孩子一樣咯咯笑着。“是啊，如果人人都學會去種植自己心愛的水果和蔬菜，他們就沒有時間憂傷了。說真的，這輩子我連咖啡都沒有喝過，既然我有了我心愛的植物們，我還需要什麼來醒腦提神呢？”

“可是絕大多數人都不是像您這樣，他們忙忙碌碌，根本沒有時間去親近自然界。有的人想耕耘也沒有土地可以耕耘啊，”我說。

“那總可以從一個小花盆開始，”他搖搖頭開始侃侃而談，“再怎麼樣，你也可以種一盆西紅柿吧？你嘗過你自己親手種的西紅柿嗎？要知道那滋味跟你從超市買來的西紅柿是大不一樣的……我們是自己生活的主人，我們完全可以選擇自己的生活方式，對不對？打個比方，如果去一個地方，開車要5個小時，你為什麼要火急火燎地趕到目的地呢？為什麼每一個紅燈都讓你煩躁不安？為什麼每一個小小的耽誤都讓你唉聲嘆氣？靜下心來好好地欣賞一下窗外的景色豈不很好？你看原野是那麼寬廣，每一個地方的地理風貌都充滿了特色。 生活也是如此，當我們疲於奔命時，我們會迷失在匆忙中......我們總是忘記放慢腳步，欣賞周圍的美麗......這世界上有很多值得欣賞的東西啊……”

我靜靜地聽着他的講話，心裡忍不住想：這真是一個得道的園藝家啊。他的思想跟老子的有什麼不同？兩千多年前的老子不也說過：大自然從不匆忙，但一切依舊完成？

你看那些樹，那些花它們從來都不匆忙，該怎樣就怎樣。這不是很奇妙的一件事嗎？

今天我們在阿里醫生和他的朋友們的幫助下，在露台上種了幾棵枸杞、金銀花、玫瑰和桑樹。阿里醫生在給植物噴灑殺蟲劑之前，不厭其煩地將園裡的所有設備和裝飾都裹了一層塑料紙，連那些石雕的佛像和天使他也給他們罩上了一層防護衣以免把他們給弄髒了。我偶然回頭瞥一眼正一面微笑着一面勞作的他，忽然間就覺得他也宛如一個佛陀一樣。

我們的朋友L蹲在地上，專心致志地搶救一隻看上去受傷了的蜜蜂。也許怕它饑渴交迫，她還拿了一點水，一點蜂蜜放在它的身邊。過了好一會兒，她真的把蜜蜂救起來並且讓它飛走了。我留意着她的眼神，她的微笑，她柔和的表情和舉動，也就是在那一瞬間，我意識到L也是一個得道之人。

我又想起N的問題：“那我該如何把我的負面情緒釋放出來而又不傷害別人呢？”

我想我下次會向他建議：去種一點東西，在創造的過程中，把你所有的憂慮都交給你耕耘的土地。土地不會介意你的負面能量，因為它知道該如何轉化它們。有一天你會發現大自然母親已經把你所有的傷痕撫摸得乾乾淨淨，而展現在你的面前，將是一片果實纍纍的金色果園。

親愛的你，為什麼不試一試？

Whispering of Willows 40

By Dr. Anna Zhao

https://whisperingwillowclinic.com

While it might be a remnant of the COVID Pandemic, many of the patients we have seen lately exhibit some symptoms of depression or anxiety. There seem to be so many indications of fear: the pressures of life; for some, it’s the uncertainty of future; some experience helplessness and loneliness; and some, fatigue, anger, confusion, or lingering sadness.

Definitely, acupuncture, massage and herbal medicine can be helpful in relieving emotional blockages. When Dr. Daniel and I are treating patients, it is not uncommon that patients become emotional and start crying. A patient once told us after her treatment, she drove to a secluded alley, parked and wept for hours before heading home.

A patient of mine, N, said to me once: "I am an emotional person; I am constantly worried. Many times, I don't even know what I am worried about. My life is such a mess. Even now, I still live in the basement of my parents’ house. I can’t see the future. I don’t know how tomorrow could be different from today. Sometimes I really feel that life is exceedingly boring! The worst part is, when I get really depressed, I get mad at those ones who are close to me in my life. I actually love them in my heart, but I just can’t help but hurt them by saying or doing something stupid. Why am I like this?”

I said, "Possibly because you have unspoken anger in your heart. You haven't found a good way to express it, so you vent it on your loved ones. This is the safest way, because you know no matter what you do or say, they will always manage to stay close to you and love you."

"Is that so?" N smiled bitterly, "Then how should I release my negative emotions without hurting others, especially those I care about?"

How? I asked myself, when I was sanitizing some items from the clinic.

Suddenly I looked up and saw a grey bearded man working on the terrace outside. It was later that I learned he was M, the horticulturist brought in by Dr. Ali. He was pruning the fruit trees in the courtyard that day. When I first noticed him, he was facing me but couldn't see me, but I could clearly see his upturned face through the bare branches. From time to time, affectionately he squinted at a tree in front of him as if he was admiring an old friend. I heard his pruning shears clicking and nipping, and every movement of his was skillful and graceful. Not long after, bundles of branches were piled neatly in the cart beside him.

It was a meticulous task and he was at it almost all day long. No boredom was seen on his face; on the contrary, he kept beaming during the seemingly monotonous job as if he relished every moment. After all was completed, the entire courtyard looked tidy, fresh and marvelous.

I was impressed and felt an overwhelming urge to go out and meet him. "You really love gardening," said I.

Warmly he smiled at me, as if he had known me for years.

"Of course. I love to create. Whenever I am working in nature, joy fills my heart. Do you feel the energy of the trees and other plants? You see, when I am doing the work I love, I am completely immersed in the environment. If people are impatient, or honking their horns, or the Skytrain whistles by, I pay no notice at all."

"I see, for you working in the garden is like an artist creating art. I believe this process of creation is also a healing process,” I responded, while recalling Dr. Daniel mentioning previously that nature is the best healer:  simply holding a handful of soil in your palms causes your heart to become soft, and you are half way on your healing path.

"Absolutely, “M agreed, “if everyone learned the value of nature and how to grow their favorite fruits and vegetables, they wouldn't have time to be sad. To be honest, I haven't had even a drop of coffee in my life. You know why? As long as I have my dear plants, what else do I need to use to sharpen my mind?" He chuckled like a child.

"But the vast majority of people are not like you. They are so busy that they have no time to become intimate with nature. Also, for some people, they have no means to obtain much land for cultivation." I reminded him.

“But they can always start with a little pot big enough to hold their favorite plant. ”M shook his head, “We can always grow a pot of tomatoes, right? By the way, have you ever tasted a tomato grown by yourself? Do you notice how it tastes different from the ones you buy from grocery stores? We are the masters of our own lives. We can choose our own attitude, can’t we? For example, if it takes five hours to drive to a place, during those hours why are you in such a rush to get there? Why do you want to hasten to your destination in such an anxious manner? Why does every red light agitate you? Why does every little delay make you frown and sigh? Wouldn’t it be nicer to relax and enjoy the scenery outside the window? Do you notice the breadth and variation of the landscape when flying by in your car?  Sometimes we all get too lost in HURRYING ON WITH THINGS as we battle through our daily lives… and we forget to SLOW DOWN and just enjoy the beauty around us…THERE IS MUCH to ENJOY!!!!!....”

No doubt, this is a man who had learned the Tao of living, later I thought to myself, for he really knows how to discover and appreciate nature’s beauty. What is the difference between his thoughts and Lao Tzu's who came to the earth more than two thousand of years ago? Didn't Lao Tzu once say: "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."?  And to be sure, the trees and flowers, they never seem in a hurry, but always accomplish what they are supposed to do. Isn't this a wonderful thing in itself?

Today, with the great help of Dr. Ali and his friends, we planted our goji berry bush, honeysuckle, some roses and a mulberry tree on the terrace. Before spraying fertilizer on the plants, Dr. Ali took the trouble to wrap up all the equipment and decorations in the garden, to prevent them from getting dirty. The statues of Buddha and Angels were also wrapped in plastic garments. Casually I turned and glanced at Dr. Ali, and for a brief moment the beam emanating from his face made him look like a Buddha himself.

Our friend, L, was squatting on the ground, trying with all her might to rescue a seemingly injured bee. Perhaps she thought the bee was hungry or thirsty? She even brought some honey and water for the bee. Eventually she managed to set it free again. I watched the gleam in her eyes, the gentle smile on her face, and the harmonious gestures of hers, and it suddenly dawned on me that L is also a person who has discovered the Tao of living.

My patient N's question popped up in my mind once again: "Then how should I release my negative emotions without hurting others especially those I care about?"

How?

Given an opportunity to answer his question, I would suggest to him: go plant something, for in the process of creating, he can also plant his burden in the soil which cultivates new out of old. Mother Nature will happily take our negative energy for she knows how to transform it to something great. One day we will find that the healing hand of Mother Nature not only has erased all our scars, and also brought a golden orchard to our sight, laden with fruits. Isn’t that a cool vision?

Shouldn’t we at least give it a try?