2016-07-09

【Aiden in English】

        I'm not a very superstitious type of person. Not that I don't say a favored team of mine is going to win because I wear my lucky socks since they are considered lucky. The supernatural, fictional idea of having an outside force changing an outcome for the unfavored is not only for the weak but also an unreliable source. This is why your parents don't want you to gamble because you will always lose money. I say "always", not from the fact that everyone loses to the chances, but because he or she does win the odd with the imaginary force of "luck" again. In math class, you learn how probability filters lower and lower in succession for something to happen again, like flipping a coin, "luck" has to be on your side. Most of the time, it just leaves you in the dust, so what is the point of leaning on something that isn't there? 

        Nevertheless, I am going to the Blarney Stone in the Blarney Castle of Cork (1446), Ireland for good fortune. 

        It was not my idea to stand in line for an hour and forty minutes to get the gift of eloquence. The Blarney Stone is the Stone of Scone that gives good fortune to those pilgrims who kiss it, or so they say for over 200 years. It was rumored to be Jacob's pillow that was brought to Ireland by the prophet Jeremiah based upon the Bible. For non-religious people, another rumor is that the rock came from a witch who was saved by a mortal. When the witch found out the man was an enemy, she decided to repay him with this stone as a gift. For the non-supernatural believers, I'm sorry, but everything is technically fictional to you. 

        The stone sits on a ledge hanging out of the top castle battlements. Not the most strategically spot for kissing, but the pictures are quite interesting. People can either interpret the position as crazy or suicidal, anything is possible. Many faces from the silver screen have come here, but none of that I remember, because their acting must suck if they need "luck". Apparently, the world is in bad shape, since the line to the stone must have contained over two-hundred tourists. 

        Nearing the top of the stone, the movement slowed. While waiting, many conversations about the time sprang up around us. "Oh, when it gets to the top, it gets really slow." "It should take about forty minutes from here." "Hey, I can see the top!" "If we don't get there in ten minutes, then I'll..." etc. Rarely any time guesses came true. No one expected a one hundred minute wait, but at the top, people really started to sound mad. "This'd better be the best rock I've ever seen." "Hey, I'll just tell all my friends on Twitter that I've seen this really cool rock that looks exactly like all the other ones in the world!" ... At last, I stood on the ledge of the Blarney Stone on the top, seeing the hole in the ground. It is very smart to have tourists lay back over a gap on the floor fifty feet up with nothing to catch you to kiss a stone that is probably unsanitary and would give me smallpox. With that all discarded, I leaned back and planted my lips on the cold stone. And now, I finally know what mud tastes like. 

        Writing this now, I don't feel all that much luckier. I have all I could ever need, and therefore, I don't need "luck". It is an imaginary idea, and playtime is a thing in the past. But... it wouldn't hurt for a few lotteries wins, am I right?

【紅霞譯文】

        我不屬於特別迷信的一類人，並不等於說我所熱衷的球隊贏球不是因為自己腳上穿着象徵好運的吉利襪子，腦子裡那種超自然純虛構的幻念無非想依賴外力去改變本不看好的結果，其實不過是內心虛弱的表現，何況又極不靠譜，這就是為什麼父母不讓子女賭博，因為到頭來總會賠錢，這裡提到“總會”不是指每次必定倒霉，偶爾也能碰到“時來運轉”。數學課上，大家學過同一事件頻發出現的概率很低，如同扔硬幣一樣，你得靠“手氣好”才行，而多數情況下，你只能聽天由命。既然如此，何苦要對虛無縹緲的事情抱有幻想呢？

        不管怎麼，這回我要親自到愛爾蘭科克市最早建於1446年的布拉尼城堡去親吻那塊能叫人伶牙利口的巧言石。

        為長三寸不爛之舌而不惜耗掉一個小時四十分鐘的時間排隊，實在有悖我的初衷。巧言石類似於蘇格蘭歷代國王加冕時使用的砂岩，過去兩百多年來一直盛傳它能給那些敬拜親吻的朝聖者帶來好運。根據《聖經》記載，這塊斯昆石曾為雅各布的枕頭，後被先知耶利米帶到愛爾蘭。假如你不信教的話，巧言石出自一位巫婆，她曾被凡人救過一命，當巫婆發現恩人竟是自己從前的仇敵時，便決定把這塊石頭作為禮物送給他以表謝意。假如你不迷信的話，很抱歉我沒有更多東西好講，幸虧在你看來說什麼都是無稽之談。

        巧言石懸放在城堡垛口頂部凸出部位，其位置絕對不適合用嘴親吻，但取景照相另當別論，難怪有人以為要不是鬼迷心竅或者成心找死，犯不着抽風作踐自己。許多名星新秀公眾要人都來過這裡，可惜我記不住他們的尊姓大名，因為諸位祈福的樣子肯定不堪入目。顯然世界前景不妙，否則怎麼會有超過兩百名的遊客蜂擁而至。

        愈發接近巧言石跟前，隊列移動得越是減速，我們等來等去，不知不覺地便淹沒在流言蜚語聲中。“哦，爬上城堡之後，方才意識到真正慢的地方還是最高處。”“從這裡到巧言石大約需要四十五分鐘。”“嘿，我能看見上面啦！”“如果十分鐘後我再不爬上去，那麼我將……”等等，難能可貴的是無論何時所有猜想全部百分之百地準確，沒人想要等過一百分鐘，一旦到了制高點，人們的語氣開始變得歇斯底里。“這塊石頭必須是我今生今世見到的最了不起的。”“哼，我得告訴推特上所有親朋好友，本人已經看到了最酷的岩石，它跟天底下其它碎石爛渣沒啥區別！”……等好不容易到達頂端，我站在巧言石所在的堞口上，透過窟窿地表上的一切看得清情楚楚。最令人佩服的是，親吻的時候遊客要背對着高出地面五十英尺沒有任何支撐物的空檔之間，石面大概髒得要命，保不齊還會把天花傳染給我，暫且不說別的，我背臥下去，將嘴巴對準冰涼的石頭，現在總算明白了啃泥巴是什麼滋味。

        寫到這裡，我尚未感覺鴻運當頭，既然做完想做的事情，我不再奢望“運氣”，權當藉機放飛一下幻想，重新回味兒提時代的快樂。但是……真贏幾張彩票又何樂不為，我說得對嗎？