“安妮”八年級演員聚會……

Susan著 小哭譯

星期六晚上最後一場表演之後，我們在M家舉辦了一場只有八年級生參加的聚會。這個聚會可能是我生命中曾經參加過的最重要的聚會。

當第四場表演完後，每個人都因為音樂劇結束了而悲傷哭泣。我們花了那麼長的時間進行排練，而結束竟然來得如此之快。這事兒對八年級生來說尤其難受，因為這是我們在HMS的最後一年。這也是為什麼我們決定在最後一場表演之後在M家聚會。

我是搭G家的車過去的，G是另一個副導演。當我們到達時，每個人都已經止住了哭泣，房間裡充滿了歡樂的笑聲。我們在逆襲上看了一集“我怎麼遇到了你媽媽”。看電視的時候，35個人都擠在地板上和沙發里，一些人還坐在別人的腿上。相互間如此地近距離，讓我們感覺好像大家真的是一個大家庭，儘管事實上我和其中的許多人從來都沒有說過話。

看完電視後，我們討論接下來幹什麼。每個人都有話說，不管E和J說了多少次，我也讓他們閉嘴，以便一次只有一個人講話，他們還是在相互交談着。有人建議我們玩“親愛的，如果你愛我，請你、請你笑一笑”。這個建議獲得了很多人的同意歡呼，於是有人爬到桌子上開始給那些不知道怎麼玩的人解釋規則。這個遊戲的要點就是當別人向你說這個遊戲的名字時不要笑。很不好意思地說，我們很多演員根本做不到。

讓人啼笑皆非的是：扮演主角兒的演員甚至在別人開始講之前就笑了，而不是演員的J，根本就沒有笑。不久，這個遊戲變成了“誰能讓J笑一笑誰就贏！”。令人傷心的是，我們全輸了。

我們每一次讓J笑一笑的努力都失敗了。慢慢地，大家對此不感興趣了，最後我們不玩了，這個遊戲也就結束了。我們去玩另一個遊戲，但是也不怎麼好玩兒，因為人太多了，不可能每一個人都有份兒。然後，有人建議我們發表講演。我們真的都很喜歡這個主意，特別是那些之前哭過的人，因為他們有很多話想說。然而，讓每個人都安靜下來聽別人說話很難，所以我們想出“說話熊”的點子：拿着塑料熊形軟糖罐的人可以講話，別的人都聽他說。即使這很怪異，特別是每個人都開始為一個塑料熊而戰了，但這方法最後管用了！這個熊後來在E（她扮演那個惡毒的漢尼根太太）的手裡停了下來，於是我們都安靜下來聽她開始說。太好了。

在她的講演中，E說到她是多麼地感謝每一個人，特別是那些男生，就算多數男生演的都是小小的配色。她說她覺得不可能再有一個更好的音樂舞台劇家庭了，沒有人可以取代我們。她這樣來結束講話“音樂舞台劇永不結束，對不對？表演的結束並不是意味着我們這個大家庭的結束。”她的講話獲得了歡呼和“我們愛你，漢尼根太太！”這句台詞，但是這次這句台詞的意思不是劇中的諷刺意味，而是它原本的意思。

E的精彩講演之後，MJ（扮演安妮）上來講。即使她在講話的時候在微笑，但是顯然剛才她一直在哭，而且她還在努力控制着不哭。她說了最甜蜜的事情，告訴大家我們是她所能希望得到的最好的劇組，並且在她所參演的所有音樂舞台劇中，“安妮”是她最喜歡的。我們對她微笑，和她一起大笑，當她講完後，我們都開始抹眼淚。

那晚我照了許多照片，記錄了開始幾個人的講演。但是然後，當他們講的話題越來越趨於個性化時，大家開始哭泣，我關閉了錄像機。M的講演真的很動情，主要是因為她感冒了，加上之前還哭過，所以她的聲音很有磁性，聽起來是那麼地悲傷。她這樣開始她的講演，“我想告訴你們所有人一個故事，關於一個女孩在八年級開始時，對她自己沒有多少信心的故事……”，我們專心地聽着，在好玩的地方大笑，在並不那麼高興的時候傷心地點頭同意。當她結束時，真的是在哭。她一邊抽泣一邊說：“現在音樂舞台劇……並沒有結束，因為它永遠也不會結束……但是當表演結束時，這個女孩……她意識到……你們這群人太棒了……我是這麼地愛你們！”

她的講演之後，大家開始擁抱，聚會之前哭泣的那些人又開始哭泣。我為自己沒有哭泣感到很不好。我傷心於音樂舞台劇的結束，我被他們的講演所打動，但是我還沒有動情到要哭的地步。接下來又講了很多，大家開始說他們在家裡的生活並不是最好的，而“安妮”照亮了他們的生活。然後，開始有人離開。那些發完言的人先離開，不久剩下的人不足15個。到這時為止，所有的講演一直是圍繞着對每個人的感謝以及對“安妮”的讚美這兩個方面。但是，接下來，B上場了。

B通常是一個相當不錯的傢伙，總是在排練時跟每個人打招呼，總是看起來很成熟也不會出什麼錯。他演***，他做得很好。然而，他現在站在那裡，樣子與平時很不同。他對着地板盯了一會兒，然後抬起頭看着大家說：“不久前……我爸爸失業了。”這話讓每一個人屏住了呼吸。然後，他說接着他媽媽又得了乳腺癌，他們家不得不搬到一個較小的公寓裡住，因為他們住不起獨立屋了。講到這兒，他開始哭泣。他告訴我們他是怎麼樣地失去了生活的希望，又是怎麼樣試着離家出走的。他跑了三英里出去，感覺不到了腿的存在，然後警察找到了他，把他帶了回來。他不想回家，他不想面對父母也不想回去上學。“我媽媽逼着我參加音樂舞台劇，但是我並不想參加。”他說：“現在……我很高興我參加了。”

這個故事終於讓我哭了起來。我滿眼淚水，止也止不住。並不是只有我才這樣。先前哭泣的人現在哭得更厲害了，甚至男生們也開始抹眼淚。我們每一個人突然間開始因為B的私人故事覺得大家是如此地親密。B的講演敲開了一扇門，我們開始展示自己的內心世界。他之後，別的人也跟進，分享了他們的困惑，還有他們感覺是多麼地孤獨，以及他們是如何地覺得沒有朋友，他們是怎麼樣地被人欺凌，他們是怎麼樣地被人取笑，最後：“安妮”是如何地成為了他們能夠抓得住的快樂。

我從不知道這些人都在遭遇着困擾。在音樂舞台劇排練和上學時，我看他們都過着非常不錯的生活。他們總是微笑着、開心着，我認為他們有着許多的朋友並且很受歡迎。我從來也不知道他們感覺如此地不安，有人抑鬱到甚至去自殺。我一點也不知道他們的家庭生活正在破碎，也不知道他們正在受欺凌。突然間，我意識到什麼：你所看到的並不是真的。人們總是在他們的公開生活中演着劇，他們展示其好的一面給別人看、藏起令自己傷心與破碎的一面。然而，現實是，他們與我一樣地不安與不自在。那夜很晚的時候，我們分享了部分悲傷，我們說着，我們哭着，我們相互間緊緊地抓在一起。我意識到我有多麼地不了解他們，即使我已經與他們一起在音樂舞台劇里呆了四個月了。

最後，幾乎每個人都離開了。剩下的最後六個人哭得一塌糊塗。我們平靜了一些後，坐在一起，覺得有點不自然，因為我們都在大家面前哭泣了。我給父母打電話，他們過來接上我回家，遠離了聚會的狀態。終於結束了。

現在我回家了，不管E說了什麼，音樂舞台劇已經結束了，我才突然間意識到這個劇對於我意味着啥。我不會只談這個聚會，還會再談談排練和表演。這原來是一個如此美好的經歷。我簡直無法相信我以前竟然覺得排練很枯燥！我已經與他們全部都成了這麼親密的朋友了。B、M、J、C、E、JO……我們之間遠不是幾個一起表演過的孩子而已。我們之間有着更多，我們彼此之間已經緊密相連。我們真的是一個音樂舞台劇大家庭。

 “不要為結束了悲傷，要為發生過高興。”

——摘自……我也不知道是誰說的話，但是這話看起來非常地適合。

 

【小哭介紹背景】昨天很晚了，Susan才把這篇小文給我。本來我還有一些別的翻譯計劃，可是我被她的這篇文章打動了，決定先譯這篇。打動我的不止是她的文字，還有她整個周末的婆娑淚眼。我從沒見過她是如此是屬於某一個集體，我為她因着這個課後活動的成長變化而感動着。她的文章中提到了太多的人了，我邊翻譯邊想，這文章適不適合發表呢？不發表吧太可惜了；發表的話，如何才能做到不傷害其中的任何一個孩子呢？最後我想可能不僅僅是要把他們的名字用字母代表，連他們所扮演的角色信息我也不能透露。

話說音樂舞台劇的四場表演，安排在周四晚、周五晚、周六下午和周六晚。我們家買的是周六下午場的票，而周五中午我去學校當志願者賣票時，最後竟然賣光了周五晚上那一場的票！（八美元一張票並不是很便宜，但絕對是超值！）周六晚上這個聚會的通知是在我們出門看演出的時候主辦家庭才通過郵件通知出來的，我是在觀看表演的時候聽鄰坐晚到的一個爸爸說才知道的。支持孩子參加聚會是責無旁貸的，不過我們的支持力度真的沒什麼，僅僅做到了“相當於不反對”而已：（因為我們周六晚上要在同一個教會的兩個場地，參加兩個團聚活動，從下午五點半到晚上十點，還要帶兩場飯，因此四點鐘看完下午場的表演，六點鐘送Susan參加晚場的演出，之後也實在不可能在八點鐘再提供Susan他們從學校到同學家的交通了。

通知中說聚會在晚上11點結束，所以當11點半了還沒有接到Susan的電話時，我說打個電話問一下情況吧。話音剛落，Susan的電話就過來了，接起一聽，孩子在電話里哭呢。Susan說：媽媽，我們現在還沒有結束，剛才有同學分享了非常感人的故事，我們還要繼續，等一會要你接的時候我再打電話給你。好吧，繼續等吧，我充滿了好奇，到底發生了什麼？

Susan很快就打電話讓我們去接她回家了，回來後一直在哭泣。我們讓她簡單介紹一下聚會的情況，她說這個聚會太好了！太感人了！她從來都不知道原來有那麼多的人在生活中都遭遇着困苦，原來那些看似簡單的人其實很有內涵，都遠不是外表所表現出來的那麼單純快樂。最讓她震驚的是，一些看起來非常受歡迎的人竟然內心孤獨，覺得自己沒有親密的朋友！而她一直以為只有她自己沒有親密的朋友呢！兩周前，Susan從橡樹園的冬令營回家之後，哭了一整周，告訴我們說她突然間意識到自己沒有親密的朋友，沒有朋友來分享她的秘密、痛苦和焦慮。她突然間對於親密的朋友有了極其強烈的渴望！！那時她以為只是她自己沒有親密的朋友，別的人似乎都是從小生於斯長於斯，都有了穩固的朋友圈和親密的朋友了。現在發現原來還有那麼多的同學也都被這個問題深深地困擾着。不知道這一發現會不會讓她感覺好受一些？原來她“並不是一個人在戰鬥！”

對於Susan說的“突然間，我意識到什麼：你所看到的並不是真的。人們總是在他們的公開生活中演着劇，他們展示其好的一面給別人看、藏起令自己傷心與破碎的一面。然而，現實是，他們與我一樣地不安與不自在。”，Susan的乾媽頗為喜歡這句話，說這句是“頗有深度的感悟”。而我也想起了她在和我們介紹聚會的簡況時，提到的克拉林老師平時跟他們說的一句話，大意是：不要對別人不友好，因為你不知道哪一個人正在遭受着什麼樣的苦難。Susan說以前一直不理解這句話的含義，現在明白了。

B的問題，讓我和Susan爸爸都受不了了。我們半夜裡商量，如何才能對這個孩子施上援手。在這個學區，我們家的經濟能力是墊底級別的，我們肯定是提供不了經濟上的支持，但是我覺得我們的家庭氣氛還是相當地不錯的，是否可以請孩子來家裡玩呢？那樣做會不會太唐突了呢？最後我們決定第二天跟牧師請教，一個是牧師遇到的苦難多，另一個牧師是白人，應該更懂得處理這類事情的文化背景。牧師給的建議是，不要只給口頭上的“同情”，要拿出實際行動，比如買個禮物卡什麼的。可是Susan告訴我們，平時她和這個同學根本就沒有說過話，好像沒有一起上的課程。那樣的話 ，一個並不能解決什麼問題的禮物卡，直接送過去還是太突然了。於是我們和Suasn商量，讓她用電子郵件試着和這個同學建立起聯繫。按照牧師的建議，開始的交流最好能夠讓人感同身受，比如Susan介紹一下自己搬家過來後所面臨的那些困惑，讓B覺得Susan和他在一個戰壕里。於是，這事兒就又交回到了Susan手裡了。按牧師的意思，我們為這個孩子禱告更為重要。於是，每天晚飯時的飯前禱告，我們開始把B加了進來。Susan其實並不是一個非常關心別人的人，我深為她這兩天在禱告時一直都記得B而感動。

我問Susan她在聚會上的講演內容是什麼，她說她講的是我們家一直在搬家，導致她沒有朋友。她似乎並不太願意多談這個話題。搬家確實會給孩子帶來困難，但這困難如果沒有大到壓垮孩子，我就認為困難是對孩子的歷練，挺過去就好了。所謂的“不經歷風雨，怎麼見彩虹”？

我在Susan出門參加最後一場表演時，讓她在晚上的聚會上，找機會和女主人介紹一下她的拍片俱樂部，看看是否能夠得到女主人的支持。但是Susan說周六晚上的氣氛非常地感性，不適合說俱樂部這個話題，所以直到臨走前，她才找到機會和女主人極其簡單地提了一下俱樂部的事兒。我問她女主人的反應，她說人家似乎是很吃驚，但是寫下了郵箱讓她給媽媽。我問吃驚什麼?Susan說是吃驚於半夜裡大家哭得稀里嘩啦的時候，她竟然說起了一個完全與“安妮”無關的話題。嗯，“安妮”雖然令大家難忘，但是表演已經結束了，大家的生活還要繼續啊。我說你的俱樂部，正好可以團結一些喜歡表演的孩子，希望通過聚會這個契機，把俱樂部的成員充實起來，這樣才能讓“安妮大家庭”繼續啊。

我昨天給發起聚會的女主人寫了一封言詞懇切的長長的郵件，希望能夠爭取到這位這家長對俱樂部的支持。Susan爸笑我在Susan的事情上投入太多了，真的象個“經紀人”似的了。

 

附上英文原文：

Annie 8^th Graders Cast Party

After our last show on Saturday evening, we had an 8^th-graders only party at the M’s house. That party was probably one of the most important party I have ever went to in my life.

When the fourth show finished, everyone was crying because they were sad that it was over. We spent so long practicing, and it was over so quickly. It was especially hard for the 8^th graders, because it was our last year at HMS. That’s why we decided to have a party at the M’s house after our last show.

I caught a ride with G----, the other Assistant Director. When we got there, everybody had stopped crying, and animated voices and laughter filled the house. We watched an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” on Nexflix. During the episode, all 35 of us were crammed together on the floor and on the couch, with some sitting in others’ laps. Being so close to eachother made it feel like we were all one big family, despite the fact that I’ve never talked to a lot of the people there.

After the episode, we debated about what we should do next. Everybody had something to say, and no matter how many times E---- and J--- and I told them to shut up and talk one at a time, they stilled talked over each other. Somebody suggested we play “Honey, if you love me, would you please, please smile”. There were a lot of cheers following that suggestion, so someone climbed up onto the table and explained the rules to those who didn’t know how to play. The main point of the game was to not smile when someone else says the name of the game to you. I’m ashamed to say, for a bunch of actors, we failed miserably.

It was ironic: the actor who played the main character started laughing before the other person even started talking, while J---, who is not an actor, didn’t smile at all. Soon, the game just turned into “whoever can make J--- smile wins!” Sadly, we all lost.

After we failed every attempt to make J--- smile, the game sort of died out. Slowly, people stopped paying attention, and eventually we stopped playing. We played another game, but that wasn’t very fun either, because there were too many people so not everybody got a turn. Then, somebody suggested we make speeches. We all really liked that idea, especially those who were crying ealier, because they had a lot to say. However, it was hard to get everyone to quiet down and listen to one person, so we devised the concept of the Talking Bear: whomever is holding the plastic gummy bear container can talk, and we all listen to that person. Even though it was weird, especially when everyone started fighting over a plastic bear, it worked in the end! The Bear finally ended up in E----’s hands (she’s the girl who played the evil Miss Hannigan), and we all settled down to listen to her speak. It was beautiful.

During her speech, E---- talked about how thankful she was to everyone, especially the boys, even though most of the boys only had small roles. She talked about how she couldn’t have wished for a better musical family, how nobody can ever replace us. She ended her speech with “The musical never ends, okay? Just because the performances ended doesn’t mean that we ever stop being a family.” Her speech was met with cheers and shouts of “We love you Miss Hannigan!”, a line from the musical that was intended to be sarcastic, but in that case meant exactly that.

After E----’s beautiful speech, MJ--- (who played Annie) went up and gave her’s. Even though she was smiling as she spoke, it was clear that she had been crying moments ago, and she was still struggling not to cry. She said the sweetest things, telling us that we were the best cast she could ever wish for, and out of all of the musicals she has done, “Annie” was her favorite. We smiled and laughed with her, and when she was done, we were all wiping at our eyes.

I took a lot of pictures that night, and recorded the first couple of speeches. But then, as they got more and more personal, and as people started crying, I turned the camera off. M----’s speech was really emotional, mainly because she had a cold and was crying earlier, so her voice was cracking and she sounded so sad. She began with “I would like to tell you all a story. A story about a girl, who, at the beginning of 8^th grade, didn’t have a lot of confidence in herself…” We listened intently, laughing at the funny moments, and nodding sadly in understanding at the not-so-happy moments. When she ended, she was literally crying, saying between sniffles “By the time the musical…not ended, cuz it’s never gonna end…but by the time it finished performing, this girl…she realized…that you guys are amazing…and I love you so much!”

There were hugs following her speech, and many people who were crying earlier before the party were crying again. I felt bad for not crying. I was sad that the musical was done, and I was touched by the speeches, but I wasn’t emotional enough that I was going to cry. Many more speeches followed, with people saying how their lives at home were not the best, but Annie brightened up their day. Then, people started leaving. The people who already gave their speeches left first, and soon there were less than fifteen people left. So far, all the speeches had been mostly about thanking everyone and praising Annie, but then, B---- took the stage.

B---- is usually a really nice guy, always saying hi to everyone at the rehearsals, always being mature and not goof around. He played ***, and he did a great job. However, as he went up there, his demeanor was different. He stared at the ground for a few seconds, then lifted his head to look at us and said: “A while ago….my father lost his job.” That drew gasps from everyone. And then, he proceeded to talk about how his mother then got breast cancer, and they had to move to a smaller apartment because they couldn’t afford their house. At that point, he just started crying. He told us how he lost his hope in life, how he tried to run away. He ran for three miles, he couldn’t feel his legs, and then the police got him and brought him back. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want to face his parents and go back to school. “My mom forced me to do the musical, but I didn’t want to.” He said. “Now…I’m so glad I did it.”

That story finally made me cry. Tears filled my eyes, and I couldn’t stop. And I wasn’t the only one. Everyone who was crying earlier cried even harder, and even the boys were dabbing at their eyes. We suddenly felt so much closer to eachother because of B----’s personal story. B----’s speech was what finally opened the gate of confessions. After him, others stepped up and shared their troubles, about how lonely they were, how they felt like they didn’t have friends, how they were bullied, how they were made fun of, and finally: how Annie had been the thing they could hang on to.

I never knew that all these people had so many troubles bothering them. During the musical rehearsals and at school, I see them as perfect people who had their lives all together. They were always smiling and cheerful, and I thought they had lots of friends and were really popular. I never knew they felt so insecure, that they were depressed and even suicidal. I had no idea that their home lives were falling apart, or that they were being bullied. Suddenly, I realized something: what you see is usually not the truth. People always put on a show when they’re in public, they show the good things and hide the sadness and brokeness. However, in reality, they are just as insecure and self-concious as me. Late that night, we shared some of that sadness, we talked, we cried, and we held on to eachother. I realized just how little I knew about any of them, even though I’ve been in a musical with them for four months.

Finally, almost everybody had left. The remaining six of us were all out of tears. We calmed down somewhat, and after sitting around and feeling awkward since we just cried in front of eachother, I called my parents. They came and picked me up, and I went back home, away from the magic of the party. It was finally over.

Now that I’m back home and, despite what E---- says, the musical has ended, I’m suddenly realizing just how much it meant to me. And I’m not just talking about the party, but also about the practices and rehearsals. It had been such a wonderful experience. I can’t believe I used to find rehearsals boring! I had became such close friends with them all. B, M, J, C, E, J… we were more than just a few kids who performed together. We were something more, we were connected to eachother. We were truly a musical family.

 

“Don’t be sad that it’s over, be glad that it happened.”

• quote by…I don’t really know, but it seems appropriate to go right here