從聖誕假期開始，女兒就一直在“吭哧吭哧”寫這個故事，我只是問她“今天寫了你的Melissa沒有？”對具體的寫什麼，怎麼寫沒有過問過。直到前兩天終於寫完了，我一看，怎麼整個故事就是一個自然段？沒有分段的概念。以前寫“章回”，“一章”就是一段，倒也簡單。現在沒有“章回”了，就“一氣呵成”的從頭到尾沒有停頓。只好給她分了段，告訴她對話可以一個人說的話為一段。她也說，“I konw, start another paragraph when you change the subject.”
實際上，這篇東西基本是以對話組成，似乎對她來說寫對話比描述容易一些，故事在對話里完成。整個故事據說是“Inspired by ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’”，我沒看過這本書，不知道這裡 inspiration 的成分有多少，她看完一遍後也就把書還了。感覺上她讀過那本書以後在情節上得到啟發，人物和對話則是自己編的，所以也許可以稱作“改寫”。有看過她以前寫的“Rainbow Girls”系列的可能還是能從中發現她以前寫對話的痕跡，故事還是有某種Sci-Fi的意思。情節說不上“引人入勝”，似乎也沒有什麼“包袱”“伏筆”“鋪墊”的概念，所以最後的結局有點come from nowhere的感覺。
女兒一直催着放上網來，我也就頂着被說show off的“危險”貼在這裡：）有磚頭儘管砸。不過評論和意見也是無任歡迎的，女兒大概最喜歡看別的孩子怎麼說。（故事長，分成三個貼，但不是三章。）
Melissa and Serena and the Chocolate Factory
Melissa Moss and her family of four were normal in money. They were Melissa’s mom, dad and her big sister, Serena, who tried to keep Melissa company. Melissa and her sister would walk to school past a chocolate factory. It was Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and boy, does it smell good or what. “Man, I wish we could go in.” Serena said one day. It seemed that her wish came true because at school, all the children weren’t there. Ms. Webster, their teacher said that the children went out to buy candy bars. “Why?” asked Melissa. Ms. Webster handed Melissa a newspaper. The newspaper said: WILLY WONKA’S FACTORY OPENED TO 7 CHILDREN WHO FIND GOLDEN TICKETS IN WONKA’S CANDY BARS. “Can you please give us a dollar?” asked Serena. “Sure.” Said Ms. Webster. She handed them each a dollar. They went to their favorite candy store. In the candy store, they bought three candy bars. Serena opened three of them and so did Melissa. When all of them were opened except two, Melissa said: “This is our last hope. On the count of 3, 1…2…3.” The two girls opened the wrappers. Gold light came running through the shop. Melissa smiled and so did Serena. They had each found a Golden Ticket. There was a crowd around them and people shouting: “Two Golden Tickets!” The girls rushed out of the crowd and went for their house. “MOTHER! MOTHER! WE EACH FOUND A GOLDEN TICKET!” They shouted holding up a golden paper. “Well? What does it say?” asked Mrs. Moss. Melissa read:Hello lucky person. I will shake you by the hand. Please bring this ticket. The big day is Feb. 2 at 9:00. Don’t be late! If you come in late you will not be permitted. I will show around you and the other ticket finders and you may bring either one or two people to watch so you won’t get into trouble. At the end of the day, you will get a truckload of candy. Whenever you run out of candy just knock on my gate and show me this ticket. Have fun!Mr. Moss came into the kitchen to see what the commotion was about. “We found the first two golden tickets!” shouted the girls. “Well, well, well. Let me see them.” Melissa and Serena happily gave their tickets to their dad. The next day, two more kids found the golden tickets. “Who is it?” asked Serena. Mr. Moss read: “The 3rd is Tommy Burps.
