賓州小學都設有“祖父母日”。每年的那一天，班上大多數學生的爺爺、奶奶、外公、外婆紛紛從四面八方趕往學校，除了與自己的孫子、孫女、外孫子、外孫女聚集一起體驗課堂生活觀摩教學活動而外，還要欣賞孫輩們表演的兒童傳統節目“老婦人”(There Was An Old Lady)。

      今年非同以往，班主任凱麗蔻太太(Mrs. Kalikow)別出心裁，號召全體學生重新編撰童謠里描述老婦人吃掉的各種動物，從小到大按順序依次排列，將原版“蒼蠅→蜘蛛→鳥→貓→狗→蛇→豬→山羊→牛→驢→馬”篡改成“蒼蠅→甲蟲→淡水螯蝦→青蛙→貓→狐狸→豬→鯊魚→藍鯨”，嚴格遵循既定套路。也就是說，後來吞入腹中的動物具有足夠的實力逮到早先下肚的傢伙。

      與此同時，每位學生還需親手繪製自己扮演的動物道具，並且要用文字加以解釋說明。我家童少決定選擇鯊魚作為示範對象。

【譯文】

      你對水中生活的魚感興趣嗎？在這裡，讓我來簡單介紹一下如何畫魚唄。

      首先，你應按比例畫好魚身，左面要尖；其次，在身體兩邊加上魚鰭，因為你無法透視另一側，所以看不到對面的翅膀；下一步，沿身體四周再添些魚鱗；最後，別忘記畫上尾巴，並且去掉多餘的線條。

      現在，你掌握了魚的形狀，接下來是你怎樣使它唯妙唯肖！

【原文】

      Are you interested in underwater fish? Here is how to draw a fish on paper.

      First, you should put on a body with left side sharper. Next, you need to draw a fin on both sides since you don't have X-ray vision, which the fin on the other side is covered. Then you add scales on its body. Last, you'd better erase the lines that are blocked and add a tail.

      Now you know what a fish looks like. You can make up your own mind if you are going to see them alive or not!

【附：《老婦人》】

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly,

有一位老婦人吞了一隻蒼蠅，

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - don't ask me why!

搞不懂她為啥要吞蒼蠅──千萬別問我為什麼！

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,

有一位老婦人吞了一隻蜘蛛，

That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her;

在她肚裡扭啊鬧啊癢啊；

She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;

她吞下蜘蛛來抓蒼蠅，

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - don't ask me why!

搞不懂她為啥要吞蒼蠅──千萬別問我為什麼！

There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;

有一位老婦人吞了一隻鳥；

How absurd to swallow a bird.

好荒謬啊吞了只鳥。

She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,

她吞下鳥來抓蜘蛛，

She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;

她吞下蜘蛛來抓蒼蠅，

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - don't ask me why!

搞不懂她為啥要吞蒼蠅──千萬別問我為什麼！

There was an old lady who swallowed a cat;

有一位老婦人吞了一隻貓，

Fancy that to swallow a cat!

真稀奇啊吞了只貓！

She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,

她吞下貓來抓鳥，

She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,

她吞下鳥來抓蜘蛛，

……

循環往復！最後依次出場的動物如下：

Dog─ "She went whole hog." (她使出全力吞下狗)

Snake─ "What a mistake." (昏頭昏腦吞下蛇)

Pig─ "Her mouth was so big." (膽大包天吞下豬)

Goat─ "She just opened her throat." (走投無路吞下山羊)

Cow─"I don't know how." (莫名其妙吞下牛)

Donkey─ "It was rather wonky." (吃飽了撐的吞下驢)

            Horse─She's dead, of course." (她真死定了)

(二O一二年六月十五日)