从圣诞假期开始，女儿就一直在“吭哧吭哧”写这个故事，我只是问她“今天写了你的Melissa没有？”对具体的写什么，怎么写没有过问过。直到前两天终于写完了，我一看，怎么整个故事就是一个自然段？没有分段的概念。以前写“章回”，“一章”就是一段，倒也简单。现在没有“章回”了，就“一气呵成”的从头到尾没有停顿。只好给她分了段，告诉她对话可以一个人说的话为一段。她也说，“I konw, start another paragraph when you change the subject.”
实际上，这篇东西基本是以对话组成，似乎对她来说写对话比描述容易一些，故事在对话里完成。整个故事据说是“Inspired by ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’”，我没看过这本书，不知道这里 inspiration 的成分有多少，她看完一遍后也就把书还了。感觉上她读过那本书以后在情节上得到启发，人物和对话则是自己编的，所以也许可以称作“改写”。有看过她以前写的“Rainbow Girls”系列的可能还是能从中发现她以前写对话的痕迹，故事还是有某种Sci-Fi的意思。情节说不上“引人入胜”，似乎也没有什么“包袱”“伏笔”“铺垫”的概念，所以最后的结局有点come from nowhere的感觉。
女儿一直催着放上网来，我也就顶着被说show off的“危险”贴在这里：）有砖头尽管砸。不过评论和意见也是无任欢迎的，女儿大概最喜欢看别的孩子怎么说。（故事长，分成三个贴，但不是三章。）
Melissa and Serena and the Chocolate Factory
Melissa Moss and her family of four were normal in money. They were Melissa’s mom, dad and her big sister, Serena, who tried to keep Melissa company. Melissa and her sister would walk to school past a chocolate factory. It was Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and boy, does it smell good or what. “Man, I wish we could go in.” Serena said one day. It seemed that her wish came true because at school, all the children weren’t there. Ms. Webster, their teacher said that the children went out to buy candy bars. “Why?” asked Melissa. Ms. Webster handed Melissa a newspaper. The newspaper said: WILLY WONKA’S FACTORY OPENED TO 7 CHILDREN WHO FIND GOLDEN TICKETS IN WONKA’S CANDY BARS. “Can you please give us a dollar?” asked Serena. “Sure.” Said Ms. Webster. She handed them each a dollar. They went to their favorite candy store. In the candy store, they bought three candy bars. Serena opened three of them and so did Melissa. When all of them were opened except two, Melissa said: “This is our last hope. On the count of 3, 1…2…3.” The two girls opened the wrappers. Gold light came running through the shop. Melissa smiled and so did Serena. They had each found a Golden Ticket. There was a crowd around them and people shouting: “Two Golden Tickets!” The girls rushed out of the crowd and went for their house. “MOTHER! MOTHER! WE EACH FOUND A GOLDEN TICKET!” They shouted holding up a golden paper. “Well? What does it say?” asked Mrs. Moss. Melissa read:Hello lucky person. I will shake you by the hand. Please bring this ticket. The big day is Feb. 2 at 9:00. Don’t be late! If you come in late you will not be permitted. I will show around you and the other ticket finders and you may bring either one or two people to watch so you won’t get into trouble. At the end of the day, you will get a truckload of candy. Whenever you run out of candy just knock on my gate and show me this ticket. Have fun!Mr. Moss came into the kitchen to see what the commotion was about. “We found the first two golden tickets!” shouted the girls. “Well, well, well. Let me see them.” Melissa and Serena happily gave their tickets to their dad. The next day, two more kids found the golden tickets. “Who is it?” asked Serena. Mr. Moss read: “The 3rd is Tommy Burps.
