宾州小学都设有“祖父母日”。每年的那一天，班上大多数学生的爷爷、奶奶、外公、外婆纷纷从四面八方赶往学校，除了与自己的孙子、孙女、外孙子、外孙女聚集一起体验课堂生活观摩教学活动而外，还要欣赏孙辈们表演的儿童传统节目“老妇人”(There Was An Old Lady)。

      今年非同以往，班主任凯丽蔻太太(Mrs. Kalikow)别出心裁，号召全体学生重新编撰童谣里描述老妇人吃掉的各种动物，从小到大按顺序依次排列，将原版“苍蝇→蜘蛛→鸟→猫→狗→蛇→猪→山羊→牛→驴→马”篡改成“苍蝇→甲虫→淡水螯虾→青蛙→猫→狐狸→猪→鲨鱼→蓝鲸”，严格遵循既定套路。也就是说，后来吞入腹中的动物具有足够的实力逮到早先下肚的家伙。

      与此同时，每位学生还需亲手绘制自己扮演的动物道具，并且要用文字加以解释说明。我家童少决定选择鲨鱼作为示范对象。

【译文】

      你对水中生活的鱼感兴趣吗？在这里，让我来简单介绍一下如何画鱼呗。

      首先，你应按比例画好鱼身，左面要尖；其次，在身体两边加上鱼鳍，因为你无法透视另一侧，所以看不到对面的翅膀；下一步，沿身体四周再添些鱼鳞；最后，别忘记画上尾巴，并且去掉多余的线条。

      现在，你掌握了鱼的形状，接下来是你怎样使它唯妙唯肖！

【原文】

      Are you interested in underwater fish? Here is how to draw a fish on paper.

      First, you should put on a body with left side sharper. Next, you need to draw a fin on both sides since you don't have X-ray vision, which the fin on the other side is covered. Then you add scales on its body. Last, you'd better erase the lines that are blocked and add a tail.

      Now you know what a fish looks like. You can make up your own mind if you are going to see them alive or not!

【附：《老妇人》】

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly,

有一位老妇人吞了一只苍蝇，

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - don't ask me why!

搞不懂她为啥要吞苍蝇──千万别问我为什么！

There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,

有一位老妇人吞了一只蜘蛛，

That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her;

在她肚里扭啊闹啊痒啊；

She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;

她吞下蜘蛛来抓苍蝇，

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - don't ask me why!

搞不懂她为啥要吞苍蝇──千万别问我为什么！

There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;

有一位老妇人吞了一只鸟；

How absurd to swallow a bird.

好荒谬啊吞了只鸟。

She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,

她吞下鸟来抓蜘蛛，

She swallowed the spider to catch the fly;

她吞下蜘蛛来抓苍蝇，

I don't know why she swallowed a fly - don't ask me why!

搞不懂她为啥要吞苍蝇──千万别问我为什么！

There was an old lady who swallowed a cat;

有一位老妇人吞了一只猫，

Fancy that to swallow a cat!

真稀奇啊吞了只猫！

She swallowed the cat to catch the bird,

她吞下猫来抓鸟，

She swallowed the bird to catch the spider,

她吞下鸟来抓蜘蛛，

……

循环往复！最后依次出场的动物如下：

Dog─ "She went whole hog." (她使出全力吞下狗)

Snake─ "What a mistake." (昏头昏脑吞下蛇)

Pig─ "Her mouth was so big." (胆大包天吞下猪)

Goat─ "She just opened her throat." (走投无路吞下山羊)

Cow─"I don't know how." (莫名其妙吞下牛)

Donkey─ "It was rather wonky." (吃饱了撑的吞下驴)

            Horse─She's dead, of course." (她真死定了)

(二O一二年六月十五日)