青柳诊所手记40

我不知道是不是跟这几年的疫情有关，最近接触的病人，不少都有抑郁症或焦虑症的表现。有的抱怨生活的压力，有的对未来感到担心，有的对孤独表示恐惧，还有的甚至无缘无故就感到疲倦、愤怒、无助、混乱、忧伤。

毫无疑问，针灸、推拿和中药对于缓解情绪方面的障碍都是有帮助的。我和大师兄治疗时，病人在宣泄情绪的过程中忍不住哭泣起来，这是常有的事。最近还有一个病人说，有一天我们治疗她后，她把车开到一条僻静的街道，在车里狠狠哭了两小时才回家。

有一个病人N对我说：“我是个多愁善感的人，我总是忧愁着，很多时候，我却并不知道自己到底在忧愁着什么。我的生活也是一团糟。我觉得自己一无所有，连一个聊得来的朋友都没有，到现在，还只能住在父母家的地下室里。我看不到未来。我也不知道明天会跟今天有什么不一样。有时候我真的觉得人生没意思极了！最糟糕的是，我沮丧之至时，我就对我的亲人们发飙。其实我内心是很爱他们的，可是我就是忍不住伤害他们。为什么会这样呢？”

我说，“那是因为你的心里有一股未释放出来的愤怒，你暂时没有找到好的方式把它表达出来，就只好发泄在你的亲人身上。这是最安全的一种方法，因为你的内心知道，你的亲人爱你，就算他们不赞同你现在的态度和处境，他们仍会一如既往地守护着你。”

“是这样吗？”N苦笑一声，“那我该如何把我的负面情绪释放出来而又不伤害别人呢？”

如何释放出来呢？这天我一边在水池里清洗东西时一边想。

忽然间我抬头就看到一个有着花白胡须的人正在外面的露台上工作。后来我才知道他叫M，是一个园艺家，阿里医生这天特意请了他来修剪庭院的果树。我刚刚见到他时，他面对着我却看不到我，我却可以清楚地通过树枝看到他仰着的脸庞。他时不时眯缝起眼睛，像看一个老朋友一样温情脉脉地观望着眼前的果树。只见他的剪刀“咔嚓咔嚓”飞舞着，手法超级娴熟。没多久，一捆捆的枝条就整整齐齐堆放在他身旁的小车里。

他一丝不苟地做着他的工作，整整一天，忙得不亦乐乎，脸上却从没有露出任何厌烦的表情，而始终是面带微笑，津津有味地做着那看起来单调而乏味的工作。等他全部拾掇完后，整个庭院面目一新看上去清爽美丽多了。

“您真的热爱园艺啊。”我忍不住走过去跟他结识一下。

他温和地朝我微笑着，似乎我也是他相识多年的一个老朋友一样。

“那当然。我热爱创造。跟树木在一起，我的整个身心都充满了欢乐。你看，这些树木花草都是有能量的啊。当我在做着我热爱的工作时，我不紧不慢，完全投入到与自然同步共振的那种喜悦中，至于别人对我是什么态度，或者街道上的车子在按着喇叭，或者天车在近处呼啸而过，统统这些我都充耳不闻……”

“您在花园里工作就等于艺术家在创作艺术作品一样，这个创造的过程就是疗愈的过程啊。”我不由得感叹，心里同时想起大师兄说过的话：“自然界就是最好的疗愈者。当你满怀柔情地握着一捧土时，你差不多已经被疗愈了一半。”

M像孩子一样咯咯笑着。“是啊，如果人人都学会去种植自己心爱的水果和蔬菜，他们就没有时间忧伤了。说真的，这辈子我连咖啡都没有喝过，既然我有了我心爱的植物们，我还需要什么来醒脑提神呢？”

“可是绝大多数人都不是像您这样，他们忙忙碌碌，根本没有时间去亲近自然界。有的人想耕耘也没有土地可以耕耘啊，”我说。

“那总可以从一个小花盆开始，”他摇摇头开始侃侃而谈，“再怎么样，你也可以种一盆西红柿吧？你尝过你自己亲手种的西红柿吗？要知道那滋味跟你从超市买来的西红柿是大不一样的……我们是自己生活的主人，我们完全可以选择自己的生活方式，对不对？打个比方，如果去一个地方，开车要5个小时，你为什么要火急火燎地赶到目的地呢？为什么每一个红灯都让你烦躁不安？为什么每一个小小的耽误都让你唉声叹气？静下心来好好地欣赏一下窗外的景色岂不很好？你看原野是那么宽广，每一个地方的地理风貌都充满了特色。 生活也是如此，当我们疲于奔命时，我们会迷失在匆忙中......我们总是忘记放慢脚步，欣赏周围的美丽......这世界上有很多值得欣赏的东西啊……”

我静静地听着他的讲话，心里忍不住想：这真是一个得道的园艺家啊。他的思想跟老子的有什么不同？两千多年前的老子不也说过：大自然从不匆忙，但一切依旧完成？

你看那些树，那些花它们从来都不匆忙，该怎样就怎样。这不是很奇妙的一件事吗？

今天我们在阿里医生和他的朋友们的帮助下，在露台上种了几棵枸杞、金银花、玫瑰和桑树。阿里医生在给植物喷洒杀虫剂之前，不厌其烦地将园里的所有设备和装饰都裹了一层塑料纸，连那些石雕的佛像和天使他也给他们罩上了一层防护衣以免把他们给弄脏了。我偶然回头瞥一眼正一面微笑着一面劳作的他，忽然间就觉得他也宛如一个佛陀一样。

我们的朋友L蹲在地上，专心致志地抢救一只看上去受伤了的蜜蜂。也许怕它饥渴交迫，她还拿了一点水，一点蜂蜜放在它的身边。过了好一会儿，她真的把蜜蜂救起来并且让它飞走了。我留意着她的眼神，她的微笑，她柔和的表情和举动，也就是在那一瞬间，我意识到L也是一个得道之人。

我又想起N的问题：“那我该如何把我的负面情绪释放出来而又不伤害别人呢？”

我想我下次会向他建议：去种一点东西，在创造的过程中，把你所有的忧虑都交给你耕耘的土地。土地不会介意你的负面能量，因为它知道该如何转化它们。有一天你会发现大自然母亲已经把你所有的伤痕抚摸得干干净净，而展现在你的面前，将是一片果实累累的金色果园。

亲爱的你，为什么不试一试？

Whispering of Willows 40

By Dr. Anna Zhao

https://whisperingwillowclinic.com

While it might be a remnant of the COVID Pandemic, many of the patients we have seen lately exhibit some symptoms of depression or anxiety. There seem to be so many indications of fear: the pressures of life; for some, it’s the uncertainty of future; some experience helplessness and loneliness; and some, fatigue, anger, confusion, or lingering sadness.

Definitely, acupuncture, massage and herbal medicine can be helpful in relieving emotional blockages. When Dr. Daniel and I are treating patients, it is not uncommon that patients become emotional and start crying. A patient once told us after her treatment, she drove to a secluded alley, parked and wept for hours before heading home.

A patient of mine, N, said to me once: "I am an emotional person; I am constantly worried. Many times, I don't even know what I am worried about. My life is such a mess. Even now, I still live in the basement of my parents’ house. I can’t see the future. I don’t know how tomorrow could be different from today. Sometimes I really feel that life is exceedingly boring! The worst part is, when I get really depressed, I get mad at those ones who are close to me in my life. I actually love them in my heart, but I just can’t help but hurt them by saying or doing something stupid. Why am I like this?”

I said, "Possibly because you have unspoken anger in your heart. You haven't found a good way to express it, so you vent it on your loved ones. This is the safest way, because you know no matter what you do or say, they will always manage to stay close to you and love you."

"Is that so?" N smiled bitterly, "Then how should I release my negative emotions without hurting others, especially those I care about?"

How? I asked myself, when I was sanitizing some items from the clinic.

Suddenly I looked up and saw a grey bearded man working on the terrace outside. It was later that I learned he was M, the horticulturist brought in by Dr. Ali. He was pruning the fruit trees in the courtyard that day. When I first noticed him, he was facing me but couldn't see me, but I could clearly see his upturned face through the bare branches. From time to time, affectionately he squinted at a tree in front of him as if he was admiring an old friend. I heard his pruning shears clicking and nipping, and every movement of his was skillful and graceful. Not long after, bundles of branches were piled neatly in the cart beside him.

It was a meticulous task and he was at it almost all day long. No boredom was seen on his face; on the contrary, he kept beaming during the seemingly monotonous job as if he relished every moment. After all was completed, the entire courtyard looked tidy, fresh and marvelous.

I was impressed and felt an overwhelming urge to go out and meet him. "You really love gardening," said I.

Warmly he smiled at me, as if he had known me for years.

"Of course. I love to create. Whenever I am working in nature, joy fills my heart. Do you feel the energy of the trees and other plants? You see, when I am doing the work I love, I am completely immersed in the environment. If people are impatient, or honking their horns, or the Skytrain whistles by, I pay no notice at all."

"I see, for you working in the garden is like an artist creating art. I believe this process of creation is also a healing process,” I responded, while recalling Dr. Daniel mentioning previously that nature is the best healer:  simply holding a handful of soil in your palms causes your heart to become soft, and you are half way on your healing path.

"Absolutely, “M agreed, “if everyone learned the value of nature and how to grow their favorite fruits and vegetables, they wouldn't have time to be sad. To be honest, I haven't had even a drop of coffee in my life. You know why? As long as I have my dear plants, what else do I need to use to sharpen my mind?" He chuckled like a child.

"But the vast majority of people are not like you. They are so busy that they have no time to become intimate with nature. Also, for some people, they have no means to obtain much land for cultivation." I reminded him.

“But they can always start with a little pot big enough to hold their favorite plant. ”M shook his head, “We can always grow a pot of tomatoes, right? By the way, have you ever tasted a tomato grown by yourself? Do you notice how it tastes different from the ones you buy from grocery stores? We are the masters of our own lives. We can choose our own attitude, can’t we? For example, if it takes five hours to drive to a place, during those hours why are you in such a rush to get there? Why do you want to hasten to your destination in such an anxious manner? Why does every red light agitate you? Why does every little delay make you frown and sigh? Wouldn’t it be nicer to relax and enjoy the scenery outside the window? Do you notice the breadth and variation of the landscape when flying by in your car?  Sometimes we all get too lost in HURRYING ON WITH THINGS as we battle through our daily lives… and we forget to SLOW DOWN and just enjoy the beauty around us…THERE IS MUCH to ENJOY!!!!!....”

No doubt, this is a man who had learned the Tao of living, later I thought to myself, for he really knows how to discover and appreciate nature’s beauty. What is the difference between his thoughts and Lao Tzu's who came to the earth more than two thousand of years ago? Didn't Lao Tzu once say: "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."?  And to be sure, the trees and flowers, they never seem in a hurry, but always accomplish what they are supposed to do. Isn't this a wonderful thing in itself?

Today, with the great help of Dr. Ali and his friends, we planted our goji berry bush, honeysuckle, some roses and a mulberry tree on the terrace. Before spraying fertilizer on the plants, Dr. Ali took the trouble to wrap up all the equipment and decorations in the garden, to prevent them from getting dirty. The statues of Buddha and Angels were also wrapped in plastic garments. Casually I turned and glanced at Dr. Ali, and for a brief moment the beam emanating from his face made him look like a Buddha himself.

Our friend, L, was squatting on the ground, trying with all her might to rescue a seemingly injured bee. Perhaps she thought the bee was hungry or thirsty? She even brought some honey and water for the bee. Eventually she managed to set it free again. I watched the gleam in her eyes, the gentle smile on her face, and the harmonious gestures of hers, and it suddenly dawned on me that L is also a person who has discovered the Tao of living.

My patient N's question popped up in my mind once again: "Then how should I release my negative emotions without hurting others especially those I care about?"

How?

Given an opportunity to answer his question, I would suggest to him: go plant something, for in the process of creating, he can also plant his burden in the soil which cultivates new out of old. Mother Nature will happily take our negative energy for she knows how to transform it to something great. One day we will find that the healing hand of Mother Nature not only has erased all our scars, and also brought a golden orchard to our sight, laden with fruits. Isn’t that a cool vision?

Shouldn’t we at least give it a try?