青柳診所手記48

秋天來了，花兒草兒都凋謝了。鳥兒也大多飛走了。有一天我上班時，發現一隻小鳥在玻璃窗外目不轉睛地地瞅着我，我從裡面敲敲窗戶，它不但不肯走，反而淘氣地用它的喙輕輕啄外面的玻璃窗回應着我。整日忙碌的大師兄都忍不住跑過來看它好幾次。那隻小鳥陪了我們整整一個下午才慢慢地不情願地飛走。多麼神奇的一隻鳥啊。

十一月底了，寒冷的日子早已來臨。阿里醫生說果樹上的葉子如果沒有自然掉下來也得把它們捋下來，不然明年的收成就受影響了。蘋果樹雖然都變得光禿禿的了，但還有兩個蘋果依然固執地蹲在秋天的枝頭上。  阿里醫生把它們摘下來，我咬了一口，雖然水分不多，但還是相當甘甜啊，一點也沒有變壞。

自然界實在是一個奇妙的世界。我總是鼓勵我的病人們多走出自己的狹小的圈子，去接近廣闊的宇宙。我給患者們做氣功觀想時，也總是有意將他們帶入一個遠離塵囂的幽靜之處。

病人B已經跟了我有一段時間了。徵得她的同意，我把給她做的一次氣功觀想公布在這裡。

B的主訴是疲乏、憂鬱、關節疼痛、失眠和偏頭痛。尤其是偏頭痛最讓她痛苦不堪。這是她最近向我描述的一次偏頭痛：

“我跟我的母親關係一直都不太好。那天晚上我們通完話，我放下電話，覺得渾身發冷，腦袋發脹，耳朵嗡嗡響，右邊的腦血管突突跳得厲害。我知道，我偏頭痛的毛病又犯了。我和着衣服在床上躺下來，輾轉反側難以成眠。我冷得發抖，蜷縮着身軀，咬得緊緊的牙關也咯咯地響起來。後來好不容易睡着了，又半夜驚醒過來。

我捧着腦袋，坐了起來，吞了兩片阿斯匹林，然後，在黑暗裡靜靜坐着，等着藥片起作用。但是，這一次，藥片還沒有在我的腸胃裡消化，我就覺得全身的血液都衝到腦子裡面了，我頭痛欲裂，噁心不止，難受得厲害，我衝到廁所里跪着，嘔吐起來。平常，只要將胃裡面的東西倒空了，我就會覺得舒服些。可是，這一次的偏頭痛比任何一次都嚴重，我一連嘔吐了好幾次，頭痛不但沒有消失，而且全身的關節都疼痛起來。我摸索着踱回床邊，沉重地躺下來，眼睛睜得大大的，盯着旋轉的天花板，連身都不敢翻。身體只要稍微一動彈，可怕的噁心感就又上來了。我蓋了好多被子，也無法讓自己的身體溫暖起來…..啊，安娜醫生，這是我度過的一個最黑暗最漫長的夜晚，我感到自己差不多要死了…… 所以我今天來找你，你必須要幫我，不然的話，我真不知道該怎麼辦了…..”她用絕望無神的眼睛看着我，眼裡噙着淚珠。

我叫她看一眼診所外面的花園。她不解地看着我。

我說：“你看，花園裡有一個大佛像，佛的手在丹田下面結着手印，是不是？有一天阿里醫生收集了好些乾枯的花蕾，把它們供奉在佛像的手上。幾天后，他發現它們不但沒有凋零，而且漸漸綻放了，於是，這尊佛的手上捧了一大束生機勃勃的五顏六色的鮮花，它們很吸引了一些眼球啊。“

“是什麼讓差不多已經失去生命的花兒又復活了呢？”B若有所思地問。

“我也問過阿里醫生這個問題，他告訴我是陽光和雨露，”我笑着答，“你看，現在這尊佛的手掌心裡還有一些水珠子呢。那些水對於枯萎的花來說，就是甘露啊。親愛的B，你想想，塵世間的許多東西，即便看上去是毫無希望的，是不是也可以通過跟上天的聯繫又重新綻放生命力呢？我問她。

她閉上眼睛，我把她帶入更深的冥想狀態。

我用更輕的語氣說：“我的師父告訴過我，自然界的一切都有着療愈的能量，它們發出的信息波既可以影響人的身體，也可以影響人的心靈。如果是有肺病的人，可以多擁抱柏樹。如果是有肝病的人，可以多擁抱松樹……如果是有嚴重痛症或者體虛的病人，就可以觀想自己的每一個細胞都是一朵小小的花，你每吸一口氣，就如微微的柔風吹過來，就如清甜的甘露澆下來，那些本來沒有多少生機的花兒們慢慢地慢慢地，變得光滑柔嫩起來，漸漸地漸漸地，它們一點點綻放開來，它們的花瓣變得越來越大越來越亮，它們的顏色變得越來越鮮明，每一片花瓣都沾滿了晶瑩的露珠，花兒們在清新寧靜的氣息里歌唱、跳舞…..”

那一天，B離開診所的時候，她說她覺得身體輕盈舒服多了。後來她告訴我，最近幾個星期，她幾乎都沒有犯過偏頭痛了。稍微有點症狀的時候，她說，“我就按照你吩咐的，天氣好的時候就去抱樹，要不就光着腳去踩土。天氣不好時，就在家觀想，或者用中藥泡腳。現在我感覺自己也漸漸地有些生命力了。”

B很快要去另外一個國家工作，而且得去相當一段時間。她擔心在人生地不熟的地方又故病重犯，所以，我用我曾寫的一首小詩來贈別她：

耐心

我再重申一遍：

是的，朋友

你不要絕望

任何時候都不要

縱然你是一棵秋日的棗樹

所有的財富被剝奪一空

連最後一片葉子

都被無情的風擄走

曾經清純的面貌

也被歲月之刀毀容

是的，縱然你失去了一切

你仍然不是一無所有

你還有很多的愛，很多的希望

它們並沒有閒着

在那看不見的世界裡

它們已經結婚、生育

你沒有看到

好多星星一樣的嫩芽

已經繁生出來了

你什麼都不要做

除了給它們一點點時間，一點點耐心

讓那好多好多的生命

以新綠的嬌容

在這個你看得見的世界裡

隆重登場

Whispering of Willows 48

By Dr. Anna Zhao

Autumn is departing, and most of the flowers and grass have withered. Most of the birds have also left for warmer climates. One day at work, a little bird was staring at me intently from the other side of the glass window. I tapped on the window from inside, but it not only refused to leave, but also responded to me by pecking the window from outside with its tiny beak. Dr. Daniel, who is always so busy, couldn't help but run over to check on the bird several times. The little bird accompanied us for a whole afternoon before finally flying away, slowly and reluctantly. What a magical bird!

Time flies and we are already near the end of November; the cold days have long arrived. Dr. Ali said that if the leaves on the fruit trees do not fall off naturally, we ought to pluck them, otherwise the harvest next year would be affected. Although the apple trees had become bare, two apples were stubbornly squatting on the autumnal branches. Dr. Ali picked them, and taking a bite, I realized they were not a bit dry, but still quite sweet and tasty. They had not gone bad at all.

Nature is such a miraculous world, and it is why I encourage my patients to get out of their own small circle and approach the vast universe. When I do Qigong for my patients, I often intentionally take them to a quiet place away from life’s hustle and bustle.

Patient B has been with me for a while. With her consent, here I share the Qigong/visualization session I did with her.

B's main complaints were fatigue, depression, joint pain, insomnia and migraine. Migraine is the most dreadful thing for her. This is what she described to me when she had the worst migraine in her life:

"I have never had a good relationship with my mother. That night, after we finished talking, I put down the phone and felt cold all over, my head was swollen, my ears were buzzing, and the blood vessels in my right side of my brain were throbbing violently. I knew that my migraine problem had come back. I lay down on the bed with my clothes on, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. I was shivering with cold; I curled up, my tightly clenched teeth clattering. Finally, fatigue soothed me with some fitful sleep, but in no time, I woke up again in the middle of the night.

I swallowed two aspirin tablets, and then sat quietly in the dark, waiting for the tablets to take effect. But this time, before the tablets were digested in my stomach, I felt that all the blood in my body had rushed to my brain. I had a splitting headache and nausea. I felt so uncomfortable that I rushed to the toilet, knelt down and vomited. Usually, this would make me feel better. However, this time the migraine was more severe than any other time. I vomited several times in a row. Not only did the headache remain, but all the joints in my body began to ache. I groped my way back to the bed and lay down heavily, staring at the rotating ceiling with my eyes wide open, not even daring to turn over. As soon as I made a tiny movement, the terrible nausea returned. I covered myself with many quilts, but I couldn't keep my body warm... Ah, Dr. Anna, this was the darkest and longest night I have ever experienced. I felt like I was dying... This is what brought me to you. You must help me, otherwise, I am at a loss... "  She looked at me, desperation and tears reflecting in her eyes.

I asked her to take a look at the garden outside the clinic. She squinted at me, puzzled.

I said, "Look, a big Buddha statue is sitting in the garden, his hands in a mudra below his belly button, right? One day, Dr. Ali collected a bundle of dried flower buds and put them in the Buddha's palms. A few days later, he discovered not withered flowers, but flowers starting to bloom. Ah, Buddha’s hands were holding a bouquet of colorful flowers full of vitality, attracting quite a bit of attention."

"What made the almost wilted flowers came back to life?" B asked thoughtfully.

"I also had asked Dr. Ali the same question, and he told me the mix of sun and rain did the trick," I laughed, "Look, there are still some water drops in the palm of the Buddha. Those water drops were nectar to the withered flowers. Dear B, think about it: many things in the world, even if things seem hopeless, might they be able to blossom again after being touched by the divine world?”

She closed her eyes, and I took her into a deeper state of meditation.

I lowered my voice again: "My master told me that everything in nature has healing energy, and the vibration waves they send to us can affect both our body and our mind. For a person with lung disease, it is best for him/her to exchange energy with an old cypress tree.  For those with liver disease, he/she should try to embrace an old pine tree… If you are someone with severe pain or are physically weak, you can imagine that each of your cells is a small flower. Every time you inhale, it is like a gentle breeze brushing by those flowers, it is like sweet nectar pouring down to those flowers. Originally, they might have little vitality, but gradually their petals become smoother and smoother, brighter and brighter. Their petals are expanding, every petal becomes larger and brighter, their colors become more and more vivid, each petal getting coated with crystalized dew. The flowers, abundant with gratitude and vitality, sing and dance in their tranquil and refreshing fragrance…”

That day, when B was leaving the clinic, she said she was feeling much lighter and in less pain. In the following weeks, she hardly had a migraine. As soon as some slight symptoms manifested, she said, "I just do what you told me – if it’s nice weather, I go hug an old tree, or I step on the soil, barefoot. If the weather is not good, I do qigong at home or soak my feet with hot herbal water. Now I feel that I am gradually regaining some vitality…”

B will soon be going to another country for quite some time. She is worried about relapse in an unfamiliar environment, so I gave her a poem I wrote as a parting gift: 

Patience

I repeat it again:

dear friend
don’t despair
no matter what.

Even if you are a late-autumn date-tree,
deprived of your wealth,
your last leaf
wrested by merciless gusts,
your pure naive face,
disfigured by life’s knife.

Even if you have lost everything
you still have

much love, much hope.
They are not idle in the hidden world,
but have married, given birth to star-like sprouts.

Do nothing but give them time, 

patience, so their offspring

may solemnly step into the visible world

in tender green form.