青柳診所手記51

診所園子裡的植物已經冒出嫩芽出來了。我去年順手插在土裡的那棵柳枝竟然長得比筷子都粗起來。不少果樹們都綻放出花朵了。阿里醫生上次請了園藝家馬克過來，把那些枝條都好好地修剪了一番。馬克的剪刀每咔嚓一下，我的心就顫抖一下。這都是已經長滿嫩芽的枝條啊，每一個花苞在我的眼裡就是一個生命，我實在捨不得它們從母體被割捨掉。可是馬克強調，只有將那些纖弱的、過密的、交叉生長的枝條統統去掉，這些果樹才會多開花、多結果；如果枝條之間壓得太密，通風透光不好，就很難茁壯成長。

這讓我想起繪畫藝術。尤其是中國的山水畫，留白是畫家們常常使用的一個手法。我最喜歡的往往是一小塊墨跡隱隱約約漂浮在大片白色中的水墨畫——就像今天早上北岸群山與雲朵的交相輝映。水墨捕捉的是主題，但那一大片白色卻是主題的生命力。

我在博物館看畫的時候，就喜歡盯着繪畫中的留白出神。我在想：馬克修剪樹枝，是不是也是在給植物們留白？通過拉開枝條與枝條之間的距離而讓整個花園變得更加生氣盎然？

有時候我也喜歡盯着一個短短的方子出神，方子就那麼四五味藥，可是我感覺方子的尾巴那裡流動的不僅僅是空，而是一種充滿生機的靈氣在蕩漾……是不是連一個方子也需要留白呢？太大太雜的方子方向就亂了？

父親去世了，無論有多麼忙，我總是每隔幾天就跟母親打一次很長的電話。每次她絮絮叨叨，說的都是陳穀子爛芝麻之類的瑣事。這些話我已經聽了成百上千次了，可是我也從不打斷她，我饒有興趣地聽她嘮叨着，時不時跟她開一下玩笑。有一天她嘆氣說，“我現在年老了，性格也變了。以前還挺外向的我，現在越來越不喜歡跟人說話了，有時聽到講話的聲音我就變得煩躁。”

我趕緊說：“那是不是你也不想聽到我的聲音啊？”

“不，”她肯定地答，“只要一聽到你的聲音，我就覺得心裡很舒坦。每次你打電話，我都不想放下。”

“要不我天天給你一個短短的電話？”我問她。

“不，這樣正好，中間隔開幾天，讓我正好有一個盼頭，”她說，“我知道你那天要打電話過來，那天我就一直等着它。到哪裡我都帶着我的手機，連上廁所都帶着它，就怕錯過你的電話。”

我聽了很感動，心裡暗暗想，是不是連母親的潛意識也悟到打電話也需要留白呢？

我最喜歡的一本書叫《小王子》。  他的新朋友狐狸對小王子說：“你最好總是在同一個時間來…… 如果你說你在下午四點來，從三點鐘開始，我就開始感覺很快樂，時間越臨近，我就越來越感到快樂。 到了四點鐘的時候，我就會坐立不安起來。啊，你會發現我是如此渴望你的來臨。但是如果你隨便什麼時候來，我就不知道在什麼時候準備好迎接你的心情了…..”

是不是連等待朋友也需要留白？

每天我都要觸摸病人的身體。凡是僵直、板結、堅硬的地方幾乎都是病灶之所在。

我在想，是不是連身體也需要留白？當我們吃得太多，消耗得太多，慢慢地我們的身體就如同一個過於擁擠的房間，變得雜亂不堪起來？而一個柔軟的身體就是有着留白的身體？

如果都市裡的人沒有居住在山村裡的人健康，是不是因為人與人之間的空間距離隔得太近了？沒有空間距離就沒有了留白？連野生動植物都知道要自動保持空間距離以求更好的發展。那麼，森林、花草、山泉、小溪、雲彩，這些對於我們來說之所以如此重要，是不是因為它們就是自然界的留白，就是讓我們生命靈氣流動的場所？

我有一個超重的病人，想要變瘦一點，我總是告訴她：你要多曬曬太陽，你要多拍打一下，你要天天拉一下筋，你要少說點話，你要多出點汗才好，你要每晚上都泡腳，你要少吃點甜食，你要多做點運動，你要儘量保持大小便通暢，你要多去森林裡走走……

她是個超愛打破砂鍋問到底的人，每次我給她一個建議，她都歪着頭問：“為什麼，安娜醫生？為什麼你要我這麼做？”

我想下次我就不再跟她解釋為什麼了，我會笑着對她說：要不你去瞅一瞅中國山水畫？

Whispering of Willows 51

By Dr. Anna Zhao

Most of the plants in the clinic garden have sprouted. The tiny willow branch I casually pushed into the soil last year has grown thicker than a chopstick. Many fruit trees are blossoming. Last month, Dr. Ali invited Mark, a famous horticulturist to prune the branches. Every time Mark's scissors clicked, my heart trembled. Branches full of buds snipped away appearing like cutting off a fetus from its mother’s womb. But Mark emphasized that only by removing all the weak, overcrowded, and cross-growing branches, will permit these fruit trees to fully bloom and bear more fruit. If the branches are too close to one another, the ventilation and light transmission are compromised, making it difficult for plants to focus their energy on producing new, healthy shoots and branches allowing them to thrive.

This reminds me of the art of painting - especially Chinese landscape painting, where the use of blank space is an often-employed technique. My favourites are often ink works with small areas of ink carefully looming in white expanses – much like the interplay of the north shore mountains and clouds this morning. The ink captures to subject matter, but it is the white expanses that add the vitality. When admiring paintings in the museum, I have the habit of staring at the blank spaces in them. I wonder: When Mark was pruning, was it also to leave blank spaces for the plants? By increasing the space between branches, more light enters the interior – like blank space in painting - therefore increasing the overall health and vitality of the plants and the yard.

There are times I stare at my formula for an herbal medicine. The combination of the herbs occasionally can be a very short list, sometimes only 4 or 5 herbs. Yes, a short formula, but its vitality is rippling...Does even an herbal formula need to have blank space, while one that is too big too messy might disorient the flow of essential energy?

After my father passed away, no matter how busy, every few days, I make a long-distance phone call to talk with my mother. Every time she chatters about trivial matters that I have heard hundred of times. I don’t interrupt her. I simply listen with attention, and joke a bit from time to time. One day she sighed, "I am old now, and my personality has changed. I used to be quite outgoing, but now I don't like chatting with most people anymore. Sometimes I get irritated when I hear voices."

I hurried to ask, "Do you not want to hear my voice, too?"

"No," she answered affirmatively, "I feel your voice is the only soothing one. When you call, I never want to hang up."

"How about I give you a short call every day then?"

"No, this is just right; leaving a few days between calls is perfect so I have something to look forward to," she said, "When I know you will call me that day, I simply wait by the phone. I carry my phone with me wherever I go, even to the bathroom, so I don’t miss your call."

I was very moved when I heard this, and quietly thought to myself, is it possible that even my mother's subconscious mind has realized that it is necessary to leave blank spaces with phone calls?

My favorite book is called "The Little Prince". His new friend, the fox, once said to the little prince, “It would be better to return at the same hour. If, for example, you came at four o’clock in the afternoon, then at three o’clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o’clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart needs to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . .”

Does friendship also need blank space?

Every day I palpate patient's bodies. When I find stiff, hardened or kinked locations, I consider them points to be treated.

I wonder if even the body needs to have blank spaces? When we eat too much, or exert ourselves too much, slowly our body becomes like an overcrowded room, messy and cluttered. A supple body is a body with blank spaces.

If people in the city are not as healthy as those living in the countryside, is it because the space between urban people is too tight? Overcrowding leaves no blank spaces. Wild plants and animals automatically space themselves to gain optimum development. For us, forests, flowers, springs, creeks, and open sky are so important because they are the blank space left in nature, where our spirit flows.

I have a patient who wants to lose weight. In addition to her treatments, I keep telling her: you need to get more sunlight, you need to do more tapping, stretching, sweating, exercising, soaking your feet in hot water, talk less, eat less overall, eat less sweets, you need to have regular bowel movements, the bladder needs to be obstruction free, you need to destress by strolling more in the forest...

She, loving to get to the bottom of things, often asked: "Why, Dr. Anna? Why do you want me to do this?"

I think next time I will smile and say to her: My dear friend, go take a look at a Chinese landscape painting and see if you can figure out the why.