青柳診所手記52

今天的陽光真好，露水在新長出來的樹葉上閃亮。兩年前我們親手種植的櫻桃樹現在已經結果了，青色的果子緊緊攀附在樹枝上，就如一個吮着奶汁的嬰兒。

早些時候阿里醫生買了一些還未孵化的蜜蜂回來，他說這樣可以給果樹授粉。這是我第一次看到還在繭子裡的蜜蜂。阿里醫生帶着我來到它們的小巢前，讓我看那些小小的昆蟲如何自己咬破繭子在裡面蠢蠢欲動。當我協助一隻剛剛羽化的幼蜂破繭而出並把它放到盛開的花叢中時，我感到自己就如一個順利接生的產科醫生一樣，又感動又如釋重負。

除了果樹和玫瑰，院裡最生機盎然的就是薄荷、竹子、金銀花和枸杞。它們蓬勃的生命力讓人敬畏。

C是非常有意思的一個病人。上次他來看病時我問他我是否可以把他寫進我的文章里，他說完全沒有問題，所以今天我就特意寫寫他。

C的青年和中年都過得很不順。他的父母因為他的信仰跟他們不一樣，跟他幾乎反目為仇了。幾十年來如一日，孑然一身的他過着安靜而簡陋的生活。他的健康狀況不是特別好，他來找我的時候，里里外外上上下下都痛。我注意到他的鼻子是紅的，眼睛是紅的，耳朵是紅的。我摸摸他的後背，發現它緊巴巴的就像橡膠一樣。他的皮膚熱得燙手，但他卻抱怨胸腔里冷得讓他顫抖。他的舌頭前半部幾乎是赤紅色，脈搏弦而緊。再摸摸他的腳，寒得就如冰塊一樣。明顯地，他的氣血極不均衡，身體裡充滿了緊張和不和諧。

我給他針灸後，又叫他去花園裡采了一些草藥帶回家煮茶喝。

他第二次來找我時，他告訴我那些草藥煮過的水是他喝過的最好的飲料。那天正好是他五十歲的生日。我笑着問：“今天真的是你的生日嗎？生日你不介意被扎針？”

他靦腆地點點頭：“來看你們，這就是我送給自己的生日禮物。”

他第三次來找我們時，我觸碰他的臉和脖子，覺得它們都變得涼爽和鬆軟了。他說身體裡的疼痛減輕了許多，血壓也明顯降低了不少。

他第四次來時，我發現短短不到幾個星期，他的狀況有了極大的改善，他一反前幾次抑鬱沮喪的表情，整個人看上去容光煥發神采奕奕。

“你的生命中，一定有什麼特別的事情發生了，“我肯定地說。

他快樂地點頭微笑。

原來他現在除了上班，晚上還去中國城做義工，即所謂的夜間巡邏（night patrol）。從晚上九點到凌晨一點，他跟在兩輛板車後面，在黑暗而骯髒的小巷子裡慢慢穿行，一面走，一面給途中邂逅的無家可歸的人發三明治和礦泉水。

他說：“我第一次值班的那個晚上，天下着陰冷的雨，我也沒帶傘，到處是黑壓壓的一片，充滿了垃圾和老鼠。我也不覺得冷，也不覺得累，也不感到害怕，反而心怦怦跳着興奮得很。你相信嗎，我值班的第一個晚上就救了一個人？我們遇到他時他已經停止了呼吸，他的女友在一旁哭泣着。我和我的同伴們硬是通過心臟復甦把他給救回來了，後來救生員來了，也給他注射了一針。那天我回到家時已經快天亮了，第二天我照樣去上班，該幹嘛就幹嘛，一點也不覺得有什麼不適……”

他用孩童般清亮的眼睛看着我：“我第一次發現生活是這麼有意思有意義。從小我就覺得自己不屬於這個世界， 仿佛是個外星人。我沒有一點歸屬感，就像一隻漂泊的船，總也找不到自己靠岸的港口。 18歲結婚，五年後離婚。從此這裡打打工，那裡打打工，謀生而已。我的生活是如此簡樸，我隨時可以把我所有的一切塞在一個車子裡就整裝待發。可是自從我做了這個義工以後，一切都變得那麼不同了…… 我現在忽然發現，我以前受的那些苦難根本就不值一提。我的健康狀況也改善了許多。我很感恩，是我的心理治療師指引我找到了這個夜間巡邏的工作。我也很感恩認識了你們，我感覺你們在我身上做的工作跟我的心理治療師差不多……”

我已經好些日子沒有見到C了。我想他也許幾乎不需要我們的治療了。

現在我坐在澆過水的草藥旁，太陽正暖暖地照在我的身上，我的耳朵里響起一個智者曾經說過的話：“一個圓圈之所以圓，是因為它有着一個圓心。一個人也一樣，只要他有一個圓心，他的生命就在走向圓滿中….”

從一個醫師的角度來理解這句話，我想，它就是：每一個患者都被自己關押在一扇被塵封的窗戶後。當這扇窗戶一打開，新鮮空氣湧進來，他就很難有嚴重的健康問題了。就算還有，也不過只是暫時的。

Whispering of Willows 52

By Dr. Anna Zhao

Today's sunshine is so beautiful; the dew is shining on the newly formed leaves. The cherry tree we planted two years ago has fresh fruit blossoms that are starting to form; the green fruit clinging tightly to the branches, like a baby sucking his mother’s milk.

Earlier, Dr. Ali brought some unhatched bees to the garden, saying that they will help the pollination of our fruit trees. This is the first time I saw bees in cocoons. Dr. Ali took me to their nests and showed me how the tiny insect bites through the cocoon and wiggles its body out gently. When I helped a newly emerged young bee break out of its cocoon and put it on a blossom, I felt like an obstetrician who successfully delivered a baby; touched and relieved.

In addition to fruit trees and roses, the most vibrant plants in the yard are mint, bamboo, honeysuckle and Goji berries. Their vigorous vitality is nothing but awe-inspiring.

C is a very interesting patient. The last time he came to see us, I asked him if I could write about him in my next article, and he said it was his pleasure to be included in our Whispering of Willows, which he enjoys reading.

Life hit C pretty hard during his youth and middle age. His parents pretty much turned against him because he had defied their belief system. For decades, he lived an isolated and simple life. His health was not very good. When he came to see us, he was in pain all over. I noticed that his nose was red, his eyes were red, and his ears were bright red. I touched his back and neck, realizing they were tight like hard rubber. His skin was hot to my touch, but he complained that inside his chest it was so chilly that it often gave him shivers. The front half of his tongue was utterly red, and his pulse was wiry and tight. His feet felt like ice cubes in my hands. Obviously, according to TCM, his energy and blood were extremely unbalanced, and his body was full of tension and disharmony.

After acupuncture, I asked him to accompany me to pick some herbs from the garden and take them home to make tea.

When he came to see me for the second time, he told me that the boiled herbs were the most delicious drink he had ever had. That day happened to be his 50th birthday, so I asked with a smile: "C, is it really your birthday today? Do you mind being stabbed with needles on your birthday?"

He nodded with a timid smile: "Coming to see you is the birthday gift I gave to myself."

The third time he came, I touched his face and neck and felt that they had become cool and soft. He said that the pain in his body had been reduced considerably, and his blood pressure had also dropped significantly.

When he came for the fourth time, it occurred to me that within such a short time, his condition had improved greatly. He appeared radiant and vibrant, very unlike the first few times he came when he was so gloomy and anxious.

"Something special must have happened in your life," I said to him.

He nodded and smiled happily.

It turned out that in addition to his regular job, he also went to Chinatown to volunteer at night, the so-called night patrol. From nine o'clock in the evening to one o'clock in the morning, he followed two wagons walking slowly through the dark and dingy alleys of the most notorious areas in Vancouver, handing out sandwiches and bottled water to the homeless passing by.

He went on: "On the night of my first shift, it was drizzling, cold and dark, I didn't bring an umbrella. Everywhere was full of garbage, rats running back and forth. I didn't feel cold, tired or scared. Instead, my heart was pounding with excitement and happiness. Can you believe the first night I worked we actually saved a person’s life? When we met him, he had already stopped breathing, his girl friend crying beside him. My companions and I revived him through CPR, the paramedics also gave him an injection.

“It was very late when I got home. The next day I went to work as usual and did what I had to do. I didn't feel any discomfort at all..."

He looked at me with his childlike shimmering eyes: "For the first time, I found that life is so interesting and meaningful. Since I was a child, I felt that I didn't belong to this world, as if I was an alien. I didn't have any sense of belonging, like a drifting boat, unanchored. I got married at the age of 18 and divorced five years later. From then on, I worked here and there to make ends meet. My life is so simple that I can throw everything I own into a car and am ready to hit the road any time. But since I became a night patroller, everything has become so interesting... It suddenly dawned to me that the sufferings I had before were not worth mentioning at all. My health has also improved a lot. I am very grateful that my counsellor led me find this night patrol position. I am also grateful to have met you. I feel that the work you do for me is very similar to that of my counselor’s..."

I haven't seen C for a long time. I think he hardly needs our treatment now.

Now I am sitting next to my freshly watered herbs, the sun radiating warmly on me, I feel I can hear the words of a sage I studied: "A circle is round because it has a center. The same is true for a person. As long as they have a center, the life they lead will be complete..."

From a therapist's perspective, I think it means that every patient is imprisoned behind a dusty window. When this window is suddenly opened, with fresh air pouring in, he will no longer suffer from ailments. Even if they still have symptoms, they will be temporary.