青柳診所手記54

太陽剛升起來，我已經在花園裡摘了滿滿一袋子戴着露珠的藍莓。然後我坐下來休息，拿出一本詩歌讀着。 

園裡的水果都在漸漸長大。單是李子，阿里醫生今年就種了好幾個品種，有紫色的黃色的和紅色的。那天阿里醫生在園裡幹活時，他東找找西瞧瞧，好不容易找到兩顆快要成熟的李子，他像孩子一樣呵呵笑着，將一顆果子遞給我，他自己一顆，舉起來在我的李子上面碰一碰，算是乾杯的意思。我們就這樣把今年的第一顆果實幹掉了。 

阿里醫生在佛像旁弄了一個微型噴泉，它是太陽能驅動的。噴泉裡面有不少掉落下來的玫瑰花瓣。 

這幾天看了好幾個癌症病人。我感覺今年的癌症病人比往年的這個時候多了不少，尤其是乳腺癌。 

有一個癌症病人，我暫且叫她M。徵得她的同意，我在這裡簡約地寫一寫她。

M是個很憂鬱的人。自從去年我認識她以來，她總是一副心事重重的樣子。我幾乎從來沒有看見她微笑過，更不用說開懷大笑了。這是她第二次得乳腺癌。她很怕針，我治療時儘量只給她小小的耳針（Auriculotherapy），有時候也用刮痧、拔罐和撥筋這樣的手法。 

有一次她有些不好意思地說：“對不起，安娜醫生，我也不知道為什麼我會這麼敏感。你就算輕輕碰碰我，什麼針都不用，有時我都還感覺痛。” 

“這是好事啊，說明你是個對能量超級敏感的人，” 我說，“痛的時候你就喊出來。”

“ 啊，不行，”她靦腆地說，“我不習慣喊出來。我是個內向的人。我痛的時候就咬緊牙關抱緊身子。”

“不可以這樣，M，” 我向她強調，“每次你稍微感到一點痛，我都希望你能大聲叫出來。”

“為什麼非得大聲叫出來？” 
”這樣才能把藏在你瓶子裡面的那些負能量都倒出來呀。我的師父說過了，絕大多數人的癌症其實都是沒有表達出來的憤怒。當它被充分表達出來時，患者就差不多在通往療愈的旅途上了。” 

“我不確定我是否完全理解你的師父的意思。你能再詳細講講他的思想嗎？”

“當然，他的主要觀點是：健康的身體源於一個人懂得如何去釋放內心深層的壓力。為了健康，我們必須學會釋放那些不必要的能量，例如壓力、焦慮、傷害、疼痛、沮喪，因為所有這些被壓抑的情緒對我們的健康都有害無益。”

她若有所思地看着我。 

我笑着向她描述我的師父的診所。那是在亞洲，一個小小的治療所。老師很著名，來求診的人絡繹不絕。他同一個時間可以看好多個病人。大家躺在那裡，慘叫聲、哭泣聲、哀嚎聲此起彼伏。遠遠聽去，這裡似乎就是一個屠宰場。再看看醫生手裡拿的是什麼武器？不是刀，不是針，不過是一根小小的比鉛筆粗不了多少的木片而已！而幾分鐘後，那些叫得驚天動地的患者們從床上一躍而起，一個個帶着快樂而感激的笑容離開了。 

M驚奇地看着我，“你是說他們都痊癒了嗎？” 

“我不能說百分之百都痊癒了，但我可以肯定，他們比來時都好多了。他們得到的遠遠超過了他們所期待的。他們如果需要更進一步的療愈，隨時都可以回來啊。” 

“可是，” M困惑地擰起眉毛，“為什麼小小的比鉛筆大不了多少的木片會讓他們嚎成那個樣子呢？” 

“我的師父說，其實讓患者疼痛的，不是他的治療手段，也不是他的治療工具，而是當患者們曾經經歷過的那些傷害、憤怒、委屈、挫折、焦慮和恐懼跑出來時，它們都喜歡嚎叫一下。所以師父治病時總是叫患者張着嘴巴，方便那些不需要的能量跑出來。” 

M似有所悟。以後每次我給她治療時，素來有些怕羞的她也學會喊叫了。有一次她動情地說，“安娜醫生，你說得很對，我的癌症確實是來自於過多壓抑的情緒。我也不知道為什麼自己這麼愛生氣。有時我生父母的氣，有時生愛人的氣，有時生孩子的氣，有時生同事的氣，有時生陌生人的氣，甚至有時生自己的氣……我自己也知道這樣不好，可我卻不知道該如何去更正它。說真的，第二次得癌症後，我就更加氣憤了。當我的朋友介紹我來找你時，我幾乎不相信針灸或者中藥能夠幫到我什麼，因為在此之前我也見過不少中醫和自然療法師。但令人驚奇的是，你像你的師父一樣，不過是用你的小針頭或者小木棍輕輕撥弄一下，我就感覺到深埋在我身體深處的那些小怪物們都陸陸續續跑出來了。我現在感覺輕鬆多了。” 

“那是因為你已經學會了嚎叫，”我嘻嘻笑着說，“不然那些小怪物們怎麼會有機會跑出來呢？” 

“安娜醫生，我還想問你一個問題。我以前做了化療後總是嘔吐，吃什麼吐什麼。吃了西藥和別人介紹的許多草藥都沒有效果。這次化療後，我也嘔吐，可是你給了我一個小方子後，我吃了它幾乎不噁心了。我想知道，這藥是什麼組成的，為什麼它的止嘔效果這麼好？” 

我把主要成分告訴她時，她瞪大了眼睛：“這些草藥我都有吃過的呀，為什麼以前就沒有見效呢？” 

“為什麼？” 我笑着答，“因為以前你忘記在你的藥方裡面加上一味君藥了!” 

“君藥？” 

“對，君藥，那是藥方裡面最主要的一味藥。”

“那是什麼呢？”

“那就是你自己呀。” 

“我自己？” 

那天我帶着M在花園裡的玫瑰樹下靜坐了一下，然後我說：“M，你看，這是我們種的草藥，這些紫蘇、枸杞、竹葉、桑葉、金銀花、薄荷、菊花等等都可以幫你。甚至玫瑰花也都可以幫你，因為這些植物都有着它們各自特別的藥性。然而，不論你吃什麼藥，其中最大的一味藥卻是你自己。 當你堅信你的病是一個使者，它來到你的身邊不是為了懲罰你，而是為了糾正你生命中的不完美時，這時，你自己就成為了有着極其強大藥性的一味藥啊。你說是不是？” 

M似信非信地看着我。 

我帶她走到園子裡的一棵李樹前。我問她，“你看看這棵李樹和其它的李樹有什麼不一樣？”

她仔細瞧了又瞧，“這棵樹的根部比較纖細，似乎曾受過傷。”

我點點頭，“阿里醫生說，這棵樹的確受過傷。你看，它的樹根有一圈圈的傷疤，這就是它的細胞與細菌曾有過一次殊死搏鬥而留下的痕跡。”

“可是安娜醫生，這棵樹上結的果子也特別大啊，它們比其他李樹的果子都大。”

“啊，我很高興你注意到了這一點。你知道為什麼它的果子特別大嗎，親愛的M？”

“為什麼？” 

“正因為它的根部曾受過病菌的感染，這棵樹有意讓受傷部位的木質變得更加堅韌，讓它的根部更加深入土地。這樣一來病菌就沒有機會向更深的部位侵襲了。也正是因為它的根部比其它植物更加深入土地，它得到的養分也更加充沛，它的果實自然也變得比別的樹木更加豐碩、甘美。” 

M似有所悟，不語。 

“所以，M， 植物也是很有智慧的啊。它們一旦生病，不但立即調動自己的潛在修復力來抵擋侵略，它們也很善於藉助外力譬如大地母親來強大自己。就算第一道防線不小心被突破，它們也會自覺地調動第二道、第三道防線來捍衛自己的生命，與病菌作不屈不撓的鬥爭….. 唔，植物們也懂得該如何將那些具有殺傷性的能量釋放出來，用它們特有的方式？” 

“這就是為什麼你說病人就是藥方里的君藥？” 

我點點頭。 

那天送走M後，我在花園裡的陽光下做了一會兒氣功。起身時我的詩歌本子掉在了地上，我把它拾起來，只見展現在我面前的是米沃什的一首詩歌。

禮 物 

多麼幸福的一天 

霧一大早就散了，我在花園裡幹活兒 

蜂鳥停在忍冬花上 

我知道 

這世上沒有一樣東西我想占有 

也沒有一個人值得我羨慕 

任何我曾遭受的不幸，我都已忘懷

從前的我如今的我都是同一個我，這一事實並不讓我覺得羞愧 

在我身上已無痛可言 

我直起腰來，看見了藍色的海洋和帆船 

花園裡， 陽光下，我直起身子，我的眼前沒有藍色的大海，也沒有帆船，而是一隻小鳥，它正俯身偷飲噴泉里的玫瑰花瓣上的甘露。

Whispering of Willows 55

By Dr. Anna Zhao

In the clinic garden, not long after sunrise, I have already picked a bag full of dew coated blueberries. Sitting down to rest, on my lap is a poetry book that I have been enjoying. 

The fruits in the garden are gradually growing. Dr. Ali planted several varieties of fruit this year, including purple, yellow and red plums. One day, when Dr. Ali was working in the garden, checking over one tree, he found two plums already ripened. Laughing like a child, he handed one fruit to me, took the other one for himself, and then raised it to touch mine, as a toast. Thusly we relished the first fruit of the year. 

Dr. Ali also installed a solar-powered miniature fountain next to the Buddha statue, in which fallen rose petals were placed. 

We have seen quite a few cancer patients recently, more than in previous years, especially breast cancer.

There is a cancer patient, I will call her M for the time being. With her consent, I will briefly write about her here.

M was depressed. I met her last year, and she always seemed laden with stress. It is rare to see her smile, let alone laugh out loud. This is the second time she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

As she is afraid of needles, I try to give her ear acupuncture (Auriculotherapy), and sometimes scraping, cupping and bojin (facia release technique).

Once she said, sheepishly, "I'm sorry, Dr. Anna, I don't know why I am so sensitive. I hope you don’t mind it. Even if you are using no needles, sometimes I still feel I am tender everywhere."

"Which is not a bad thing,” responded I, “it can also mean you are super sensitive with energy. Simply cry out loud when it hurts."

"Ah, no," she shook her head, abashed, "I'm not used to screaming. An introvert I am. When I feel pain, all I do is to grit my teeth and tighten my body."

"Not the best option, M," I emphasized, "whenever you experience a pain, it is important that you vocalize it."

"But why?"

"Well, according to my Master, this is the only way to pour out negative energy from the hidden bottle in your heart. My master said that most cancer stems from unspoken anger. Once the sealed-up emotions are fully expressed, the patient has commenced the journey of healing."

“I am not sure if I completely understand it. Can you please tell me more about what he said?”

“Of course, this is his main idea: A healthy body accompanies a person who has understood the importance of releasing deep buried tension.  In order to be healthy, we must lean how to release unwanted energy, such as stress, anxiety, hurt, pain, frustrations; all those pent-up emotions that are damaging our health.”

M looked at me, seemingly stirred.

I smiled and described to her my Master’s clinic. It was in Asia, in a small treatment center. As a reputable healer, he has hundreds of people flooding to see him everyday. He often sees multiple patients at the same time, who all lie down in the middle of the hall, screaming, crying, and wailing one after another. From a distance, the treatment centre sounds like a slaughterhouse. And what is the weapon in the Master's hand? Not a knife, not even a needle, but a small piece of wood no thicker than a pencil! And lo, a few minutes later, those patients, who had been yelling at the top of their lungs, simply jumped off the bed and left quietly, with a content and grateful smile on their face.

M shook her head in disbelief, "Are you saying these people are all healed instantly?"

"No, I did not say they are 100% healed, but it is evident they are in much better shape than when they came. They got far more than they expected. And they can return as needed to see the Master.”

"But," M frowned in confusion, "Why would a small piece of wood, not much bigger than a pencil, make them groan like that?"

"According to my Master, that is neither due to his treatment methods or his treatment tools. It is more like the howl from the patients' past experiences, such as past injuries, anger, grievances, frustrations, anxiety and fears. When they are released, they make terrible noises. During a treatment, the Master always asks the patients to keep their mouths open, to facilitate the escape of unwanted energy."

M ‘s eyes widened.

After that, whenever I treated M, she, though always a bit timid, began to cry out when experiencing pain. Once she said to me, emotionally, "Dr. Anna, you were right. My cancer is indeed caused by too much unspoken anger. I don't know why I get angry so easily. Sometimes I am angry at my parents, sometimes at my husband, sometimes at my kids, sometimes at my colleagues, sometimes at strangers, and sometimes even at myself... I know this is not good, but I don't know how to correct it. To be honest, after I got cancer the second time, I got even angrier. When my friend introduced me to you, at the time, I didn't really believe that acupuncture or any Traditional Chinese Medicine could help me, because I had seen quite a few TCM doctors in the past, as well as several alternative medicine doctors. But the amazing thing is that you, like your Master, utilizing your very fine needs or a small wooden stick, with a gentle poke, it dislodges the negative energy buried deep inside me, one after another, which I see as little monsters. I feel much lighter than before."

"That's because you have learned to howl," I said with a grin, "otherwise, how would those little monsters have the chance to escape?"

"Doctor Anna, I have another question for you. I often vomited after chemotherapy. The first time when I had chemo, I threw up pretty much everything I ate. I took Western medicine to no avail. I took many herbal medicines recommended by other doctors, and they still didn't work. Again, this year, with my chemotherapy, I vomited again, but with the small bag of herbal medicine you gave me, my nausea stopped soon after. Could you tell me what herb in it is so effective in preventing nausea?"

When I told her the main ingredients, her eyes widened: "I have taken these herbs before, why didn't they work in the past?"

"Why?" I giggled, "Because in the past the main ingredient in your herbal prescription was not included!"

"The main ingredient?"

"Yes, the main ingredient, in Chinese, we call it the sovereign herb, which is the most important ingredient in a formula."

"What is mine then?"

"It's you."

"Me?"

“Yes, you, yourself!”

That day, I invited M to medicate under the rose bushes in the garden, and then I said, "M, look, these are the herbs we planted. These perilla, goji, bamboo, mulberry, honeysuckle, mint, chrysanthemum, etc. they can all help you. Even roses can help you, as these plants all have their own special medicinal properties and medicinal effects. However, no matter what herbs you take, remember, the most potent ingredient is yourself. You must firmly believe that your illness is a messenger, and it comes to you not to punish you, but to correct the imperfections in your life. Then, you yourself becomes an active ingredient with extremely powerful medicinal properties. Don't you think so?"

M looked at me, bewildered.

I took her to a plum tree in the garden and asked her, "Tell me, my friend, what's the difference between this plum tree in front of you and the other plum trees beside it?"

She examined it carefully and said, "The bottom of this plum tree is slenderer. I suppose it may have suffered from an injury."

I nodded, "Dr. Ali said that this tree was indeed injured. You can still see the scars on its lower trunk, which is the battlefield left by the war between the tree’s healthy cells and its intruders."

"But Dr. Anna, I noticed the fruits on this damaged tree are also very large, they are quite a bit larger than those of other plum trees."

"Ah, M, I'm so glad you noticed this. Do you know why its fruits are so much larger, dear M?"

"Why?"

"It is because of this fact: when the tree was infested with a disease or bacteria, it deliberately made the wood of the injured part tougher and allowed its roots to reach deeper into the soil. In this way, the disease or bacteria had no chance to march into deeper parts of the tree. On the other hand, because its roots are stretched deeper into the soil than other plants, it gets more nutrients, and as a result, its fruits naturally become more abundant and sweeter than its neighbours’."

M seemed to have understood something but said nothing.

"So, M, plants also have wisdom. Once they get sick, they not only immediately mobilize their potential to repair themselves to resist invasion, they also turn quickly to gather help from external forces such as Mother Earth. That is how they strengthen themselves under serious circumstances. Even if their first line of defense is accidentally breached, they will consciously mobilize the second and third lines of defense to protect their lives and fight against any enemy unyieldingly... Who knows, maybe they even cry out – in their own way？”

"Is this why you say that I am the main ingredient in my herbal formula?"

I nodded.

That day, after M left, I did some Qigong in the sunlight in the garden. When I stood up, my poetry book fell to the ground. I picked it up and saw my favorite poem by Milosz in front of my face.

Gift  

(by Miłosz) 

A day so happy. 
Fog lifted early, I worked in the garden. 
Hummingbirds were stopping over honeysuckle flowers. 
There was no thing on earth I wanted to possess. 
I knew no one worth my envying him. 
Whatever evil I had suffered, I forgot. 
To think that once I was the same man did not embarrass me. 
In my body I felt no pain. 
When straightening up, I saw the blue sea and sails. 

I beamed, as I straightened up.  In front of me, I saw neither the blue sea or sailboats, but a bird leaning over and stealing nectar from the rose petals in the fountain.