那天跟朋友逛商場，要走的時侯旁邊保安對我喊；“站住，你的衣服裡面鼓鼓囊囊的裝了什麼”？

我憤怒的掀起衣服大聲吼；這是肉，是肉！我自己的！！

送給大家樂一樂：甲老師在批改英語作文，忽然大發雷霆：“我從來沒看過這麼爛的英語作文”
乙老師見狀問：“寫的是什麼啊？”
甲老師：“寫一個王子和公主的故事。”
“不錯啊”  乙說。
“他竟然在開頭寫王子問公主‘can you speak chinese?'
公主回答‘yes',
接下來的全部都是中文

肚子餓，看見同事桌上有瓶酸奶，想都沒想就喝了，

一會同事來了大叫到：“我的洗面奶怎麼不見了！108塊啊！！”

哥沒說話，只是默默的走向廁所，一頓摳嗓子，老難受了，把東西拼命的吐，直到吐出酸水，好不容易吐的差不多了，眼淚叭嚓滴回到座位上時，

同事抱着一個瓶子說：“嚇死我了，洗面奶滾到桌子下了，我的酸奶怎麼又不見了呢。
你奶奶個熊滴，喝你點酸奶 把人往死里整～～～

昨天去吃飯，有道菜叫：“女人四十”，上來一看，是一盤黃花菜……今天吃飯，看着菜單不知道點什麼好，突然看到有個菜名“男人四十”，也不貴，想了想，女人四十是（黃花菜），想看看男人四十是什麼，於是就點了.......服務員上菜道：“男人四十請慢用！”定睛一看，......花心大蘿蔔！

INSTALLING HUSBAND

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I Upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a Distinct Slowdown in the overall System Performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery Applications, which Operated Flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 Uninstalled another Valuable Program, Romance 9.5 and then Installed undesirable Programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1
What can I do ?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter Command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to Download Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the Applications Jewellery 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, Overuse of the above Application can cause Husband 1.0 to Default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original Package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new Virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be Downloaded into your System.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to Re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are Unsupported Applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Cute Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.