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醫生們和各種各樣的病人打交道，可謂見多識廣，當然偶爾也會遇到令人尷尬的事情發生。下面是一些專業醫生們親身經歷過的事兒，有幾件還不是一般的令人尷尬，當事醫生連名字都隱掉了。

（一）

一個男人衝進ER大叫道。 。 。“醫生， 我的妻子馬上要生了，她正在外面的出租車裡。”
我抓起我的東西，衝進一輛出租車，掀起女人的裙子，開始脫她的內衣。
突然我注意到有好幾輛出租車停在一起。。。天啊，我進錯了車！！！

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

（二）

有一天我當班，我把聽診器放在一位耳朵有些聾的老年女性患者的前胸上為她聽診。

“Big breaths，”。 。 。我指示她。
“Yes，they used to be，”。 。 。病人回答道。

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

（三）

有一次我不得不把一個壞消息告訴一位妻子，她的丈夫剛剛死於大面積心肌梗塞 （massive myocardial infarct）。

沒過五分鐘後，我聽到了她對她的家人說她的丈夫死於‘massive internal fart’。

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

（四）

我的病人兩個星期後來複診時對我說，他對一種藥的使用遇到麻煩。
“哪一個？ ”我問。

 “膏藥。”他說，“護士告訴我每六小時貼一片新的，可是現在我的身上已經沒有地方貼了！”
我讓他迅速脫下衣服，然後我看到了我不希望看到的一幕，這名男子的身上貼了有超過五十片膏藥！

現在，膏藥的使用說明中加了一句：貼新膏藥之前請揭下舊膏藥。

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

（五）

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.....

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Dr…   (no name)

（六）

Baby's First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
 
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed, ' she replied...
 
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

 She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

 Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' 
 
' I know', she said, ' I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came'.

Submitted by Dr…   (no name)

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