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GW’s Speech in Tshinghua University
送交者: shanxitiger 2002年02月12日16:51:08 於 [笑林之聲] 發送悄悄話


(GW comes to the grand hall and a orchestra is playing “God bless America”, GW is immediately touched and puts his speech document aside)

Dear president Jiang, president Wang, dear students and professors,

Over a half century ago, Americans and Chinese fought together against Japanese invasion, today we are fighting together again in front of terrorism!

(students hail together: yes, yes, yes, yes……)

(GW feels like giving speech in front of his servicemen and servicewomen)

Buddy, we need your support to fight evil! The axis of evil is still there, we need to nuke them for the safety of Americans! In that process, my family members and friends will make big money, and hopefully your country can also make a few thousand dollars by manufacturing navy caps for our servicemen and servicewomen. But I am not sure they will buy those Chinese-made navy caps because my friends in Washington and CNN have been working hard to misleading Americans about China.

Buddy, now I should say perhaps CNN worked too hard.

Also, I can’t agree with Hellmans that we sent a “defensless cargo plane” last April. I tell you the truth – it IS a defenable cargo plane. And today I privately apoligize for what our servicemen and servicewomen did that day – they didn’t pay China for all the cost incurred until today! But I can forgive them, just think about it, we send 760 spy planes (a CIA officer remind GW it is not a “spy” plane), sorry, defensable cargo planes to your country a year, it is quite understandable they made some mistakes for only ONE time!

(students hail together: cargo plane, cargo plane, cargo plane, cargo plane……)

Also, I today admit that CIA organized the missile attacks towards Chinese embassy in yogoslavia. I apoligize for that! Actually Clinton has already fired the cook who serve that CIA chief officer, now a good news for you today - I will fire the cook for that bomber driver immediately after I return!

(students hail together: fire the cook, fire the cook, fire the cook, fire the cook……)

Also, I can tell you that CIA has been training so-called Xinjiang terrorists before. We don’t think them are terrorists but we believe they are “freedom fighters”. After 911, I asked my CIA advisors what they did in China and realized that they actually are not so evil compared with Bin Laden, because Bin Laden kills Americans and so-called Xinjiang terrorists kill Chinese civilians. But anyway, I will ask CIA reduce the fund to them and only give them training on how to bomb and kidnap, not how to nuke or launch bio-chemical attacks.

(students hail together: GW, GW, GW, GW, GW, GW, GW……)

Now come to important issues – human rights! There is a good Chinese saying – “good medicine tastes bad”, I learned that from bbsland forum. We believe in freedom, no gun-control, no birth-control, total free movement among cities …. So you are either with us or against us. Presidnet Jiang, are you with us?

(students hail together: with you, with you, with you, with you, with you……)

Another important issue is Taiwan! Although people in Taiwan have Chinese blood, eat Chinese food, share the same history, cultural heritages with mainland, have Chinese names, speak Chinese language …… BUT, we invested some American money there, and most important, my strategic advisors told me that we can weaken China by selling Taiwan weapons, so why don’t we do it?

(students hail together: great idea, great idea, great idea, great idea, great idea……)

and I can tell you that US of A, is now the greatest nation in the universe, sorry, in the earth! We are free, rich, powerful! We know what is good and what is bad, we know where human civilization should head for, we know the truth!

(GW stands hand in hand with President Jiang, just like he did with blaire before)

(students hail together: USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA……)

(GW smiles, laughs, some water from his mouth come out………………………. Suddently he hears a strange voice from the pillow, he wakes up in his Air Force I - my God, it’s a day dream, where is Power? Why there are strange voices? Did Chinese also bug our planes like we bugged Jiang’s jet?)

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