A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so
and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. Until
one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a
divorce for him- "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a
divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?

POLE: JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home, 3 bedrooms.

LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "It made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No," he replied, "We have two-car carport. Don't need grudge.

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations in Poland."

LAWYER: "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set &DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't all the time like the music, but I answer yes."

LAWYER: No, I mean does your wife beat you up?

POLE: NO, I always up before her.

LAWYER: is your wife a nagger?

POLE: NO, she white.

LAWYER: WHY do you want this divorce?

POLE: SHE going to kill me.

LAWYER: What makes you think that?

POLE: I got proof.

LAWYER: What kind of proof?

POLE: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on
shelf in bathroom. I can read -- it says, "Polish Remover."