2015-06-07

【Aiden in English】

        A 4-star restaurant usually has ridiculously high prices in NYC, and food that could be eaten nearly anywhere. Pair it with some wine and bam! The food just got a 4-star quality. The Russian Tea Room sounded like a different breed, and I was about to find out just how much.

        Russians enjoyed caviar. In fact, I’ll say it seems like there only condiment. So going to a 4-star Russian restaurant, you’ll think there is going to be caviar. Only problem is that I don’t like caviar. To avoid it, I carefully choose selections without the letters “c-a-v-i-a-r” in them. I settled for Onion Soup since mom recommended it for me. The things I now know about Russians are that they have a love for cheese. The onion soup was covered with cheese, thick and chewy. Swallowing it felt like a hot rope stuck in your throat. The soup was decent, and the onions were tasty. But since the cheese covered everything, to get to the soup, I had to get through the cheese. 

        Now I don’t know if this is an American lunch, but I got RTR Sliders with three small burger sliders as the entrée arrived at the table. The first was made with salmon and avocado. The avocado gave to food texture, but it was too oily. The next two were basically obese food that can even penetrate the most guarded facilities. I licked the spot clean where they once were. The side dish came with fries as well, accompanied with the most American, Heinz ketchup they can get. Mmmm… I surely did enjoy Russian cuisine, especially if it’s American. You see, all around the world, mixing cultures had allowed fast food to spread. In fact, 75 McDonald’s burgers are being sold every second. Maybe the world is doomed for obesity. And today, the evidence is being uncovered in the Russian Tea Room, revealing an ugly truth.

        Mom got a burrito-like dish or Blinchik, an amazing appetite that was stuffed with cabbage and slices of meat, a Chipotle style. The taste resembled Chinese culture as well, blended flavors like paint. Her main course was Boeuf à la Stroganoff. Red wine braised beef sitting on a bed of thick noodles drenched in a creamy mushroom and black truffle cream sauce. The braised beef was all too similar to the Chinese way of cooking. And it was great to show you how much mom actually almost finished the entire plate but a chunk of veal.

        Considering the new generation’s laziness, I wouldn’t be surprised if obesity became the new smoking case in the future. Beware everyone, for fast food has invaded the far reaches of time and space, and will consume us all!

【红霞译文】

        纽约市内四星级餐厅通常价格高得离谱，吃的东西并不比其它地方特殊，顶多来杯葡萄美酒时尚一把，哇塞！食物公然被冠上四星级称号。俄罗斯茶馆听起来别有情调，我正想亲自体验一下它到底有何魅力。

        俄罗斯人爱吃鱼子酱，以我个人之见，鱼子酱充其量只能算作调味品。不过当走进一个四星级俄罗斯餐厅，鱼子酱必将成为你的首选。问题在于我吃不来鱼子酱，所以想方设法不去碰任何带有“鱼—子—酱”的玩艺，恰逢妈妈举荐洋葱汤，我二话没说当即拍板。直到这个时候我才幡然醒悟俄罗斯人有多爱吃奶酪，洋葱汤表面白化化一层敦厚耐嚼，咽起来感觉像吞下一条烫嘴的绳子，死死地卡在喉咙当中。凭良心而论，汤本身不错，洋葱蛮有味道，但奶酪实在瓷实霸道，想要喝上口汤非得费劲凿穿奶酪不可。

        现在我开始犯懵，搞不懂自己点的正餐到底是不是美式午餐，桌前摆上三个小巧玲珑本茶馆正宗特制的汉堡包三明治。第一个由鲑鱼和鳄梨做成，鳄梨提升食品质地，但吃起来香腻无比；其它两个基本上都算增肥食品，其热卡大到可以穿透大多数戒备森严的防御设施，我只舔了一下尚未被油渍滋润的干涸地方。小菜附带炸薯条，还有美国最为流行的拌料——亨氏番茄酱，哼…，单凭这一点，我确实喜欢俄罗斯风味，暂且假设它不跟美式快餐同流合污。由此可见，当全球文化相互交融，快餐犹如雨后春笋遍地盛开，事实上，每秒钟就有七十五个麦当劳汉堡包被推销出去，也许世界终究会朝着肥胖的方向发展，今天我在俄罗斯茶馆的亲身经历，恰好揭示了令人难堪的真相。

        妈妈点的俄罗斯卷饼，里面包有圆白菜和肉丝，极具“启波特雷”墨西哥快餐风味，挺好吃的一道开胃菜，尝起来又像中餐，可谓大杂烩。她吃的主菜为俄式牛柳面，红葡萄酒炖牛肉与宽面条拌上奶油蘑菇和黑松露乳汁，如同中式烹饪味道，妈妈风卷残云，仅留下小块肉末。

        鉴于年轻一代懒惰成性，假如将来肥胖真成了大问题，我一点也不感到惊讶。大家千万要当心，快餐已侵蚀我们的日常生活，恨不能快要打垮整个人类！