2015-07-20

【Aiden in English】

        I don’t blame some kids to be so annoyed that they have to learn during the summertime. I also understand annoyed little kids can be tough, but there still is a line. A line that separates a cool, calm me and an “I’m-going-to-strangle-you” type of me. Obviously, no one wishes to meet my “next-door neighbor”， but at times, he comes to have a visit.

        Names can carry meanings with them. For example, you can change from a noun to a verb, such as “don’t Victor it”, which means not to screw up. But when at the meaning of name brings a chorus of “uhhhhs”, that’s a bad, bad sign. It’s worse than any verb or adjective, exceeding even the most extreme meanings of words. Words simply can’t describe the feeling of complete and utter read that fills the stomach from bottom to top. 

        Yep, once again, here came “that” kid Stanley in the GHCS summer camp from last week. This week there was a new teaching assistant, a.k.a. a new victim-I mean, uh, babysitter, wink, wink, *nudge, nudge*. And Stanley came to swinging. He had a sound of a bad trumpet player babysitting at full force, and with his little fists of fury, I swear, even though he’s only six years old, he could go 12 rounds with Chuck Norris as a warm up. Worst of all, he had no thought of where he landed those punches. Throughout the morning, it was a mix of Chinese class and “watch-TAs-catch/beat-up/blackmail/putting-him-to-sleep (both meanings)” class. Funny comment another teaching assistant said was that the one, true lesson you had to learn today was not to be like Stanley. 

        The day just continued to get more messed up. Stanley insisted on me carrying him, and then wanted to play. So I dragged him over to the next room and thought he was just gonna run around, draw a bit on the white-board, and we’d go back. Obviously, Stanley’s brain functioned differently, which I already should’ve known, and decided to play a game of tag. I agreed to a deal that sounded stupid, but if it kept Stanley occupied, I was in. How the game worked was that if Stanley was not “it”, he won. If I wasn’t “it”, I lost. I think this was totally fair. And whenever I objected, Stanley stuttered the word “but”, for about 10 times then said something like “why…when…I win… you lose… etc.” Either way, this was my job, so whatever kept him calm meant a good day of work done. Later, when it was time for lunch, I had to get Stanley to leave the room. As you all know by now, Stanley acted strangely in some situation and right then and there, instead of leaving, he threw a fit. Nothing I said worked, so finally I tricked him into leaving by saying that the fire alarm, the clock, and the telephone were bombs, and the SmartBoard projector was a machine gun that detected Stanleys and shot them with exploding- yeah, you get the point. It somehow worked, and Stanley ran back to the classroom with the enthusiasm of a kid running away from exploding, spiky, flaming, heart-seeking, titanium marbles of doom. Hopefully I didn’t scar his childhood because that must’ve been really scary to get him to run like that. The afternoon went on with a game of Catch the Stanley, and then a few games of Shut-Up or Else with Stanley. He still ruined all the classes, and the dang kid didn’t care whatsoever.

        My job as a teacher assistant is to help the teacher in whatever way I can, anytime I can, anywhere I can, and her wish is my command. That is all true, just not with Stanley. Stanley is in a whole other dimension, and he is way out of my control. Hopefully, other kids of the new generation are better than this.  

【紅霞譯文】

        我並不抱怨某些孩子招人心煩，誰叫人家大夏天還要學東西；我也十分理解這幫惹事生非的小鬼頭天不怕地不怕，但凡事都有個底線，它將不拘小節、沉着冷靜的我與“敢把皇帝拉下馬”的我區分得清清楚楚。顯而易見，沒人想見到坐在我旁邊的“隔壁鄰居”，可有時他偏偏不請自來。

        人的名字往往反映出其性格特徵，譬如：你能將名詞轉換成動詞，像“不要維克多”，表示別惹他生氣；一旦名字的意思變成一連串“呃……”的時候，預示出情況不妙，而且要比任何動詞或形容詞更糟糕，甚至超過現有最為極端的詞義，這是一般言語所無法描述發自內心深處的切膚感受。

        今個夏令營天下繼續大亂，恐怕比以往有過之而不及。史丹利堅持先要我背着他，然後才打算玩別的花樣。沒轍兒，我只好拉着他去了隔壁教室，原以為他會滿屋子亂竄往白板上塗鴉，完畢再回到課堂，顯然史丹利不落俗套，我心裡本應早有準備，他要玩追人遊戲，我捨命陪君子，儘管內心好不情願，但只要他有心做事，我絕對奉陪到底。遊戲中只要史丹利手碰到我就贏，而我抓不到他就輸，這樣再公平不過，因此每當輪到我該捉他的時候，史丹利上氣不接下氣地說“且慢”，至少不下十次念叨“為什麼……啥時候……我贏……你輸……等等” 之類的話，無論輸贏與否，均屬於我工作範圍，只要他安靜下來，我算出色地完成了任務。過了一會到了吃午餐的時間，我不得不放他出去，想必大家都清楚，史丹利有時心眼變幻莫測，眼下這個特定時刻特定場合，他非但不離開教室，反而矯情地假哭起來，之前我對他灌輸的道理一下子全被拋到九霄雲外，我急中生智，誆他周圍的警報、時鐘、電話皆為炸彈，而智能白板投影儀則是機關槍，它能偵探到史丹利所做所為，並將一切打個稀巴爛。你猜出本人的用意，說時遲那時快，我的話終於發揮了威力，史丹利爭先恐後地跑回課堂，主動逃離所謂的爆炸恐怖燃燒揪心核射地獄，但願我沒有給他童年時代留下傷痕，因為他一定因被嚇得魂飛膽破才撒腿離開。下午大家一起玩“捉史丹利”遊戲，接下來還有“閉嘴否則陪史丹利玩去”。這個淘氣包繼續攪和各項活動，想怎麼任性就怎麼任性。

        是呵，上周在光華中文學校夏令營遇到的“那個” 淘氣包史丹利再度出現在我的面前，只是這周新的助教走馬上任，換言之又有了新的受害者，別誤會，我意指新的保姆，眨巴一下眼，*聳一下胳膊肘*，只見史丹利大搖大擺走了過來，他攥緊發威的拳頭，身邊跟着一位聲嘶力竭的助教，我向毛主席保證，別看他年僅六歲，可牛氣沖天，絕對敢跟查克·諾里斯較勁，熱身跑上12圈不成問題，最糟糕的是，沒人知道他會出拳打誰，於是整個上午大家都陷入中文與“盯着—助教—看／毆打／勒索／讓他睡覺（雙關語）”混合課之間，有一助教發出耐人回味的評論，今天所獲得的真知卓見無非就是沒有像史丹利那樣。

        身為助教，我的職責就是在任何時間任何地點儘自己所能幫助老師，她的願望就是我的行動指南，這是千古不變的規則，當然於史丹利這號雷人風馬牛不相及，他完全超脫了這個範疇，我實在無能為力，希望其他年輕夥伴表現得好一點。