2015-07-20

【Aiden in English】

        I don’t blame some kids to be so annoyed that they have to learn during the summertime. I also understand annoyed little kids can be tough, but there still is a line. A line that separates a cool, calm me and an “I’m-going-to-strangle-you” type of me. Obviously, no one wishes to meet my “next-door neighbor”， but at times, he comes to have a visit.

        Names can carry meanings with them. For example, you can change from a noun to a verb, such as “don’t Victor it”, which means not to screw up. But when at the meaning of name brings a chorus of “uhhhhs”, that’s a bad, bad sign. It’s worse than any verb or adjective, exceeding even the most extreme meanings of words. Words simply can’t describe the feeling of complete and utter read that fills the stomach from bottom to top. 

        Yep, once again, here came “that” kid Stanley in the GHCS summer camp from last week. This week there was a new teaching assistant, a.k.a. a new victim-I mean, uh, babysitter, wink, wink, *nudge, nudge*. And Stanley came to swinging. He had a sound of a bad trumpet player babysitting at full force, and with his little fists of fury, I swear, even though he’s only six years old, he could go 12 rounds with Chuck Norris as a warm up. Worst of all, he had no thought of where he landed those punches. Throughout the morning, it was a mix of Chinese class and “watch-TAs-catch/beat-up/blackmail/putting-him-to-sleep (both meanings)” class. Funny comment another teaching assistant said was that the one, true lesson you had to learn today was not to be like Stanley. 

        The day just continued to get more messed up. Stanley insisted on me carrying him, and then wanted to play. So I dragged him over to the next room and thought he was just gonna run around, draw a bit on the white-board, and we’d go back. Obviously, Stanley’s brain functioned differently, which I already should’ve known, and decided to play a game of tag. I agreed to a deal that sounded stupid, but if it kept Stanley occupied, I was in. How the game worked was that if Stanley was not “it”, he won. If I wasn’t “it”, I lost. I think this was totally fair. And whenever I objected, Stanley stuttered the word “but”, for about 10 times then said something like “why…when…I win… you lose… etc.” Either way, this was my job, so whatever kept him calm meant a good day of work done. Later, when it was time for lunch, I had to get Stanley to leave the room. As you all know by now, Stanley acted strangely in some situation and right then and there, instead of leaving, he threw a fit. Nothing I said worked, so finally I tricked him into leaving by saying that the fire alarm, the clock, and the telephone were bombs, and the SmartBoard projector was a machine gun that detected Stanleys and shot them with exploding- yeah, you get the point. It somehow worked, and Stanley ran back to the classroom with the enthusiasm of a kid running away from exploding, spiky, flaming, heart-seeking, titanium marbles of doom. Hopefully I didn’t scar his childhood because that must’ve been really scary to get him to run like that. The afternoon went on with a game of Catch the Stanley, and then a few games of Shut-Up or Else with Stanley. He still ruined all the classes, and the dang kid didn’t care whatsoever.

        My job as a teacher assistant is to help the teacher in whatever way I can, anytime I can, anywhere I can, and her wish is my command. That is all true, just not with Stanley. Stanley is in a whole other dimension, and he is way out of my control. Hopefully, other kids of the new generation are better than this.  

【红霞译文】

        我并不抱怨某些孩子招人心烦，谁叫人家大夏天还要学东西；我也十分理解这帮惹事生非的小鬼头天不怕地不怕，但凡事都有个底线，它将不拘小节、沉着冷静的我与“敢把皇帝拉下马”的我区分得清清楚楚。显而易见，没人想见到坐在我旁边的“隔壁邻居”，可有时他偏偏不请自来。

        人的名字往往反映出其性格特征，譬如：你能将名词转换成动词，像“不要维克多”，表示别惹他生气；一旦名字的意思变成一连串“呃……”的时候，预示出情况不妙，而且要比任何动词或形容词更糟糕，甚至超过现有最为极端的词义，这是一般言语所无法描述发自内心深处的切肤感受。

        今个夏令营天下继续大乱，恐怕比以往有过之而不及。史丹利坚持先要我背着他，然后才打算玩别的花样。没辙儿，我只好拉着他去了隔壁教室，原以为他会满屋子乱窜往白板上涂鸦，完毕再回到课堂，显然史丹利不落俗套，我心里本应早有准备，他要玩追人游戏，我舍命陪君子，尽管内心好不情愿，但只要他有心做事，我绝对奉陪到底。游戏中只要史丹利手碰到我就赢，而我抓不到他就输，这样再公平不过，因此每当轮到我该捉他的时候，史丹利上气不接下气地说“且慢”，至少不下十次念叨“为什么……啥时候……我赢……你输……等等” 之类的话，无论输赢与否，均属于我工作范围，只要他安静下来，我算出色地完成了任务。过了一会到了吃午餐的时间，我不得不放他出去，想必大家都清楚，史丹利有时心眼变幻莫测，眼下这个特定时刻特定场合，他非但不离开教室，反而矫情地假哭起来，之前我对他灌输的道理一下子全被抛到九霄云外，我急中生智，诓他周围的警报、时钟、电话皆为炸弹，而智能白板投影仪则是机关枪，它能侦探到史丹利所做所为，并将一切打个稀巴烂。你猜出本人的用意，说时迟那时快，我的话终于发挥了威力，史丹利争先恐后地跑回课堂，主动逃离所谓的爆炸恐怖燃烧揪心核射地狱，但愿我没有给他童年时代留下伤痕，因为他一定因被吓得魂飞胆破才撒腿离开。下午大家一起玩“捉史丹利”游戏，接下来还有“闭嘴否则陪史丹利玩去”。这个淘气包继续搅和各项活动，想怎么任性就怎么任性。

        是呵，上周在光华中文学校夏令营遇到的“那个” 淘气包史丹利再度出现在我的面前，只是这周新的助教走马上任，换言之又有了新的受害者，别误会，我意指新的保姆，眨巴一下眼，*耸一下胳膊肘*，只见史丹利大摇大摆走了过来，他攥紧发威的拳头，身边跟着一位声嘶力竭的助教，我向毛主席保证，别看他年仅六岁，可牛气冲天，绝对敢跟查克·诺里斯较劲，热身跑上12圈不成问题，最糟糕的是，没人知道他会出拳打谁，于是整个上午大家都陷入中文与“盯着—助教—看／殴打／勒索／让他睡觉（双关语）”混合课之间，有一助教发出耐人回味的评论，今天所获得的真知卓见无非就是没有像史丹利那样。

        身为助教，我的职责就是在任何时间任何地点尽自己所能帮助老师，她的愿望就是我的行动指南，这是千古不变的规则，当然于史丹利这号雷人风马牛不相及，他完全超脱了这个范畴，我实在无能为力，希望其他年轻伙伴表现得好一点。