2016-02-14

【Aiden in English】

        I must admit, the Chinese New Year Gala is amazing, hosted by Guanghua Chinese School of PA. However, it is so stressful for the students who are going to perform on the stage. You know, it’s really tough when your parents act like the people on Shark Tank all the time, not interested in anything. You get an A, they want an A+. You get an A+, they want an A++. You find the cure to AIDs, they want you to find the cure to cancer. I mean, you get used to it after a bit, yet it’s very frustrating especially when the parents are rarely impressed. In general, the Chinese are characteristic of pessimism. Instead of seeing how good someone does a skill, they always look at what they don’t do well. To be honest, I want those judgers to try to match my skills after today.

        Don’t do you best, do my best. That’s my challenge to all those similar people to my mom who went Aiden, you messed up! Well, it’s no one like you can do these Yo-Yo tricks after only a five-minute practice. The show started off fair enough. Nothing was out of the ordinary other than the obvious threat of being embarrassed in front of a crowd. It was another Chinese Yo-Yo performance. You know, the performance can really make some people go nuts. For example, a kid just couldn’t complete his trick, although I was still doubtful he practiced. Instead, he took one of my tricks, and so I had to improvise. The new move wasn’t hard at all… unless you were performing in five minutes. It was called the… Chopsticks. Actually, I just made it up on the spot. Anyway, you held the sticks like… chopsticks, and hopped the Yo-Yo up between the sticks, then on top, and if talented, went back down. It was accompanied by a trick done last year which I did. Therefore it should be no problemo, right?

        I wasn’t nervous. Yeah, yeah, everyone said that, but seriously, I wasn’t nervous. At least until all the solos before me messed up here or there. The kid who tried my trick dropped the Yo-Yo and almost had it roll off stage (that would’ve sucked). And thus, without any pressure (sarcasm), I flawlessly went through the older trick, and later moved on to the… Chopsticks (maybe I should find a better name). So, going up was no problem. It was then that I realized how squished my index finger was between the sticks. Ouch! As you guessed it, on the way down, the Yo-Yo went plop on the floor. The room went silent for a second, and all you could hear was the music. Soon, a gasp erupted from the crowd. All I could think was how at least they didn’t say I was a disgrace to the Yo-Yo team. After all, it was a very Chinese-thing to say.

        And there you have it folks. Now I’m famous for not because I completed a trick, but because I missed one. All I can say is that no one who thought I was bad could match my best. So until I actually see some skill, I’m throwing out all the criticism, as there’s no weight behind the punch.

【紅霞譯文】

        “勤羊辭舊千家喜，頑猴鬧春萬戶福”。我必須承認，由賓州光華中文學校舉辦的“春晚”聯歡會精彩至極，然而對於肩負表演的學生來說，心裡難免感覺壓力重重，要知道父母們無一不像美國真人秀《創智贏家》那樣心氣旺眼眶高，輕易不會滿足現狀。你得了“A”，他們希望你得“A+”；一旦你得了“A+”，他們又期待你得“A++”。當你闖出治癒艾滋病的門路，他們還企求你去攻克癌症難關，幾經這般錘鍊之後，你逐漸習以為常。“書山有路勤為徑，學海無涯苦作舟“，父母的高標準嚴要求無異於叫你生命不息奮鬥不止。一般而言，炎黃子孫比較傾向冷色調，不太善於讚揚他人的優點，而往往喜歡找出不足的地方。坦率地說，我倒盼望各位長輩從今往後能夠客觀地評判本人演藝能力。

        且莫按照你的能力標準來衡量他人，相反應該切合我的實際情況而為，這正是我要面對媽媽之輩發出的挑戰，“兒歌，你演砸了！”是的，恐怕沒人敢把僅僅經手五分鐘的空竹絕技搬上“春晚”舞台。表演開始時一切按計划進行，我如同其它場合表演空竹一樣，在全場觀眾面前並沒有出醜露怯。想必你有體會，有人在台上難免出現突發狀態。舉一個實例來說，有位同伴剛一出場腦袋立刻犯懵，甚至想不起來該做什麼動作，我禁不住納悶這傢伙事先可否好好練過。令人抓狂的是，他楞要表演我的拿手好戲，害得我只好臨時改變招式。新的動作可謂會者不難……難者不會，問題在於登台前只有五分鐘時間供我練習，我稱它為……“筷子”，純屬即興發揮。表演步驟是這樣的，像拿筷子一樣用手握住小棍子，先讓空竹在棍子之間彈跳，接着再使勁上拋讓它脫離棍子，假如技術到家，最終它應落到棍子下方。記得去年表演時，我曾用一根棍子完成過類似的動作，今年兩根棍子齊上，估摸着問題不大，對不對？

        我並不緊張，是的沒錯，大家到頭來還以為我怯場，說真的根本沒那回事，何況在我上陣之前，所有單人特技表演或多或少均有失誤，前面提到那位跟我橫刀奪愛的哥們把空竹抖到了地上，而且空竹差點滾到台下，後果不堪設想。這麼一來，在沒有任何壓力的前提下（天大的笑話），我漂亮地完成了老套動作，然後拿出……“筷子”（也許該起個更好聽的名字）。上拋空竹一點不成問題，接下來我發覺食指被勒在兩根棍子之間動彈不得，哎喲！你猜得出，空竹下落時一頭“栽”到地上。頃刻之間，全場鴉雀無聲，唯有音樂伴奏依然在大廳里迴響，隨後觀眾們不約而同地發出了一聲嘆噓，幸虧空竹團隊的光輝形象並未因此受到什麼影響，畢竟咱中國人講究面子哇。

        對不住親們，這下我名聲在外，說來不是因為完成整套動作，而是出於臨場失誤，我想藉機申述一點，本人水平有限，但確實盡了自己最大努力，針對各種批評意見，我將本着“有則改之無則加勉”的原則，爭取提高技藝。