做母親的不能既想當媽, 又想當保姆.

錢本身不是個問題. 父母找孩子要錢也是應該的. 但是有些老年人表現出來的想法實在讓人看不起.

做家務要算帳, 和保姆去比, 然後又想象母親一樣得到尊重, 這樣的老人讓小輩能說什麼呢?

和母親說, 要麼你就當媽, 要麼你就當保姆, 不能既想當媽, 又想當保姆. 當媽的話, 平時的報酬就沒了, 房子我給你裝修. 當保姆的話, 誰聽說給保姆家裝修的? 保姆以後生老病死都不用管. 而且, 保姆要競爭上崗, 整天嘮叨的該FIRE掉.

我對我婆婆就是這麼說的. 她只要干點家務就說要一個小時多少錢. 我說, 要做保姆啊, 那我可不要你. 我要找個職業保姆,不指手畫腳的. 你好好給我們當媽, 理直氣壯要錢. 不要這樣做人.

建議每年定期給母親$1000左右作為孝敬費，畢竟她養大了你，你不在身邊出點 錢是應該的， 給她說清楚，這是你目前的經濟能力所決定的，讓她別再有別的念頭。

對於不體諒孩子和不滿足的父母，早晚得說不，早說比晚說好。裝修了房子後還會有別的事。不要勉強自己。

Am I so cheap?

snowbean

Actually, today is pretty good day for me till lunch time. Just as I touched the chair, I got a call from MOM at home. She spoke very frankly that she need at least $10000 for her china apartment remodeling, the apartment is under my brother name.

Since she was here starting 6/25/2004, we already gave her $500 cash per month, and another $5500 routing into her chinese account. And she still complained we are so cheap daily. Also, she mentions that being a nanny can make even more money.

I am not sure about this situation, is it normal or not? But being honest, I am angry after phone call. It is not $10000 itself, it is the way she thinks you are her bank and can withdraw money endless.

This is her 4th trip here, every trip I give at least $7500 - 10000, since she helped with kids having labor factor.

Plus she has retirement money 2500yuan per month, but never use it. In China, she lives with my sister without any cost, still has positive income from sister.

I used to be very generous. The first working year 1996, I saved money based on $42000 salary. I needed to rent an apartment and lease a car. I was single that time.

But Mom wanted to come to US, I mailed her $1000 for spense and of couse, a air ticket here.

When she spent half year here, I gave her all my saving $5000.

After she left, I started to date with my husband. After we got married, he said, I did not realized you were so poor that time.

Now, my MOM always said, " I like that-day's you..." But now, I have two kids.....

About my hubby: Normally, he will let me do. He makes good money, but does not care about money that much. But I feel shame in front of him, I cannot open mouth. Since everytime, it seems like I am the peson who asks for such big amount of money.

My inlaws are pretty good, even you give them money, they will not cash in. You need to give cash.

That really makes my husband looks down on my family, whose education is much higher than theirs. My MOM was a PROFESSOR in Top Five chinese University.

Plus, I am the person who really care about face, even in front of husband.

Any input?