溜須拍馬，阿諛奉承，在中文詞典里絕對是貶義詞；可現在不少人卻不這麼認為，把它奉之為一種人際的潤滑劑，大概這也是一種“與時俱進”吧。在現實生活之中，無論在中國還是在外域，你可以經常見到或聽到這類表演，表演者之中既有黃皮也有藍眼，這是否也屬於“普世價值”呢？我沒那本事去論證。在這幾十年裡，看着人家在這方面是遊刃有餘，爐火純青，由此青雲直上，吃香喝辣，好生羨慕。可惜，我這人天生不是這塊材料，怎麼學就是學不會這玩意兒，只恨爹媽身上沒有這種基因，所以就沒法遺傳給我。來美這麼多年，經過學校和公司不少的歷練，對老美原有的印象早已蕩然無存，時常能欣賞到老美種種的表演，並把這些與老中相似的行為來一番比較。結論是，實際上老美在這方面的功夫一點也不必老中差，甚至有過之而無不及。自己身邊具體的真人真事就不提了，以免落個背後非議他人不道德之名。為了證明我的結論絕非胡說八道，找出了電影“巴頓”中，巴頓的副官 Codman兩個極為精彩表演的片斷加以佐證，其表演可謂是爐火純青，無以復加。恕我孤陋寡聞，老實說，我活到現在還真沒見過這樣的高人。現在呈現給讀者一同來欣賞一下他的精彩表演，大家也可以判斷他是在做工作還是在拍馬屁。

    第一個片斷是在突尼斯戰役取勝之後，巴頓和他的參謀處長Carver，參謀和新來的副官Codman的對話。你可以從中體會到這位新到任的副官如何立即表現出他在這方面高超的才能。

    CARVER:  You're not surprised, are you? General. After all, you trained that outfit.

       STAFF:      Excuse me, general.

       PATTON:   Hmm?

       STAFF:      This is interesting. We've discovered Rommel wasn't present at El Guettar.

       PATTON:   Who says so? （巴頓不高興了）

    STAFF:      G-2 sir. （G-2是美2軍情報部門）

    PATTON:   Are you telling me that when we took the 10^th Panzer, Rommel was in Berlin with

                        an earache?

       STAFF:      Severe nasal diphtheria, sir. G-2 also reports that Hitler probably retained Rommel

                        in Berlin. . . because things were going badly for the Africa Corps. He didn't want his

                        favorite general to lose face.

       PATTON:   I'm my favorite general, and I don't like to be told . . .  that some second-stringer is

                        up against me. Then I lose face.

     （CODMAN第二次拿出打火機，給巴頓點燃雪茄）

    PATTON:   Who the hell are you, anyway?

       CARVER:  General, this is Lieutenant Colonel Codman, your new aide.

       PATTON:   Codman. I pulled your name off the list because I know your family.

       CODMAN:  I'm glad you did, Sir.

       PATTON:   Codman, Rommel is the best the krauts have, and I kicked the hell out of him. Now

                        my own G-2 section is telling me he wasn't even there.

       CODMAN:  But, general, he undoubtedly planned the German battle. If you defeat

                        Rommel's  plan, you've defeated Rommel, isn't that true?

      （巴頓滿意地拍拍CODMAN）

    PATTON:   Have a drink with me tonight.

       CODMAN:  Yes, sir.

       第二個片斷是在西西里戰役和巴頓因打士兵耳光而道歉之後，副官Codman對巴頓在西西里的一番巧妙的談話。（注意：Codman話的意思與後來的事實正好相反，巴頓去英國坐了冷板凳，沒參加諾曼底登陸戰役，不過Codman的話語義不清，並且沒說死，這就是他的高明之處。）

    CODMAN:   Good evening, general. I want to report on a private poll I'm taking.

       PATTON:     What poll?

       CODMAN:   The fan mail. 11% con, 89% pro. And that 11 % of protest, in most cases, is both 

                         obscene and anonymous. But the pro letters are mostly from relatives and

                         servicemen. "I want you to know we're proud our son is serving in your army. From

                         the newspaper, we're not clear exactly what you did and why. . . but we want you

                         to know we're for you. Keep going, and God bless you. "

       PATTON:    Keep going, huh? Where?

       CODMAN:   I thought you might like a sip of wine, general. It's New Year's. You didn't celebrate

                         at all last night.

       PATTON:    I'm sick of sitting around this . . . royal doghouse. We've taken Sicily. I'm ready for

                         a  new assignment.

       CODMAN:   Maybe you've got it. Here's a radio message, just came in.

       PATTON:    Cod. I've been relieved. They've relieved me from command of the 7th Army.

       CODMAN:   I don't believe it.

       PATTON:    Happy New Year.

       CODMAN:   Just a minute, sir. Since they're sure to give you another command. . .

                         . . . isn't it logical they'd relieve you here first?

       PATTON:    You mean command of all American troops going into Europe? It's possible. I know

                         it's been discussed from time to time.

       CODMAN:  The logic of it is so obvious, it couldn't mean anything else.

                        Sir, I'm going to open this bottle of wine.

      （巴頓笑了）

    PATTON:    No, Cod . . . but if you find a bottle of cognac, I'll help you drink it.

       Codman這個副官不露聲色地利用了工作機會，把工作和馬屁兩者熔合一起，把話講得恰到好處，邏輯嚴密，滴水不漏。這絕非一日之功可成，難怪他的長官聽後感到那麼舒服，堪稱經典。實際上，馬屁和工作常常是相聯繫的，馬屁寄生於工作之中，工作有時非靠馬屁不可，運用之妙，在乎一心。真正的高手是很難被識破的，享用者自然也是毫無察覺，這裡面怎樣利用機會，講什麼話，怎麼講話，講的方式方法，甚至語音語調，看來都是大有講究，學問極深。這讓我想起了過去上海人的一句俗話，千錯萬錯馬屁不錯。