做母亲的不能既想当妈, 又想当保姆.

钱本身不是个问题. 父母找孩子要钱也是应该的. 但是有些老年人表现出来的想法实在让人看不起.

做家务要算帐, 和保姆去比, 然后又想象母亲一样得到尊重, 这样的老人让小辈能说什么呢?

和母亲说, 要么你就当妈, 要么你就当保姆, 不能既想当妈, 又想当保姆. 当妈的话, 平时的报酬就没了, 房子我给你装修. 当保姆的话, 谁听说给保姆家装修的? 保姆以后生老病死都不用管. 而且, 保姆要竞争上岗, 整天唠叨的该FIRE掉.

我对我婆婆就是这么说的. 她只要干点家务就说要一个小时多少钱. 我说, 要做保姆啊, 那我可不要你. 我要找个职业保姆,不指手画脚的. 你好好给我们当妈, 理直气壮要钱. 不要这样做人.

建议每年定期给母亲$1000左右作为孝敬费，毕竟她养大了你，你不在身边出点 钱是应该的， 给她说清楚，这是你目前的经济能力所决定的，让她别再有别的念头。

对於不体谅孩子和不满足的父母，早晚得说不，早说比晚说好。装修了房子后还会有别的事。不要勉强自己。

Am I so cheap?

snowbean

Actually, today is pretty good day for me till lunch time. Just as I touched the chair, I got a call from MOM at home. She spoke very frankly that she need at least $10000 for her china apartment remodeling, the apartment is under my brother name.

Since she was here starting 6/25/2004, we already gave her $500 cash per month, and another $5500 routing into her chinese account. And she still complained we are so cheap daily. Also, she mentions that being a nanny can make even more money.

I am not sure about this situation, is it normal or not? But being honest, I am angry after phone call. It is not $10000 itself, it is the way she thinks you are her bank and can withdraw money endless.

This is her 4th trip here, every trip I give at least $7500 - 10000, since she helped with kids having labor factor.

Plus she has retirement money 2500yuan per month, but never use it. In China, she lives with my sister without any cost, still has positive income from sister.

I used to be very generous. The first working year 1996, I saved money based on $42000 salary. I needed to rent an apartment and lease a car. I was single that time.

But Mom wanted to come to US, I mailed her $1000 for spense and of couse, a air ticket here.

When she spent half year here, I gave her all my saving $5000.

After she left, I started to date with my husband. After we got married, he said, I did not realized you were so poor that time.

Now, my MOM always said, " I like that-day's you..." But now, I have two kids.....

About my hubby: Normally, he will let me do. He makes good money, but does not care about money that much. But I feel shame in front of him, I cannot open mouth. Since everytime, it seems like I am the peson who asks for such big amount of money.

My inlaws are pretty good, even you give them money, they will not cash in. You need to give cash.

That really makes my husband looks down on my family, whose education is much higher than theirs. My MOM was a PROFESSOR in Top Five chinese University.

Plus, I am the person who really care about face, even in front of husband.

Any input?