溜须拍马，阿谀奉承，在中文词典里绝对是贬义词；可现在不少人却不这么认为，把它奉之为一种人际的润滑剂，大概这也是一种“与时俱进”吧。在现实生活之中，无论在中国还是在外域，你可以经常见到或听到这类表演，表演者之中既有黄皮也有蓝眼，这是否也属于“普世价值”呢？我没那本事去论证。在这几十年里，看着人家在这方面是游刃有余，炉火纯青，由此青云直上，吃香喝辣，好生羡慕。可惜，我这人天生不是这块材料，怎么学就是学不会这玩意儿，只恨爹妈身上没有这种基因，所以就没法遗传给我。来美这么多年，经过学校和公司不少的历练，对老美原有的印象早已荡然无存，时常能欣赏到老美种种的表演，并把这些与老中相似的行为来一番比较。结论是，实际上老美在这方面的功夫一点也不必老中差，甚至有过之而无不及。自己身边具体的真人真事就不提了，以免落个背后非议他人不道德之名。为了证明我的结论绝非胡说八道，找出了电影“巴顿”中，巴顿的副官 Codman两个极为精彩表演的片断加以佐证，其表演可谓是炉火纯青，无以复加。恕我孤陋寡闻，老实说，我活到现在还真没见过这样的高人。现在呈现给读者一同来欣赏一下他的精彩表演，大家也可以判断他是在做工作还是在拍马屁。

    第一个片断是在突尼斯战役取胜之后，巴顿和他的参谋处长Carver，参谋和新来的副官Codman的对话。你可以从中体会到这位新到任的副官如何立即表现出他在这方面高超的才能。

    CARVER:  You're not surprised, are you? General. After all, you trained that outfit.

       STAFF:      Excuse me, general.

       PATTON:   Hmm?

       STAFF:      This is interesting. We've discovered Rommel wasn't present at El Guettar.

       PATTON:   Who says so? （巴顿不高兴了）

    STAFF:      G-2 sir. （G-2是美2军情报部门）

    PATTON:   Are you telling me that when we took the 10^th Panzer, Rommel was in Berlin with

                        an earache?

       STAFF:      Severe nasal diphtheria, sir. G-2 also reports that Hitler probably retained Rommel

                        in Berlin. . . because things were going badly for the Africa Corps. He didn't want his

                        favorite general to lose face.

       PATTON:   I'm my favorite general, and I don't like to be told . . .  that some second-stringer is

                        up against me. Then I lose face.

     （CODMAN第二次拿出打火机，给巴顿点燃雪茄）

    PATTON:   Who the hell are you, anyway?

       CARVER:  General, this is Lieutenant Colonel Codman, your new aide.

       PATTON:   Codman. I pulled your name off the list because I know your family.

       CODMAN:  I'm glad you did, Sir.

       PATTON:   Codman, Rommel is the best the krauts have, and I kicked the hell out of him. Now

                        my own G-2 section is telling me he wasn't even there.

       CODMAN:  But, general, he undoubtedly planned the German battle. If you defeat

                        Rommel's  plan, you've defeated Rommel, isn't that true?

      （巴顿满意地拍拍CODMAN）

    PATTON:   Have a drink with me tonight.

       CODMAN:  Yes, sir.

       第二个片断是在西西里战役和巴顿因打士兵耳光而道歉之后，副官Codman对巴顿在西西里的一番巧妙的谈话。（注意：Codman话的意思与后来的事实正好相反，巴顿去英国坐了冷板凳，没参加诺曼底登陆战役，不过Codman的话语义不清，并且没说死，这就是他的高明之处。）

    CODMAN:   Good evening, general. I want to report on a private poll I'm taking.

       PATTON:     What poll?

       CODMAN:   The fan mail. 11% con, 89% pro. And that 11 % of protest, in most cases, is both 

                         obscene and anonymous. But the pro letters are mostly from relatives and

                         servicemen. "I want you to know we're proud our son is serving in your army. From

                         the newspaper, we're not clear exactly what you did and why. . . but we want you

                         to know we're for you. Keep going, and God bless you. "

       PATTON:    Keep going, huh? Where?

       CODMAN:   I thought you might like a sip of wine, general. It's New Year's. You didn't celebrate

                         at all last night.

       PATTON:    I'm sick of sitting around this . . . royal doghouse. We've taken Sicily. I'm ready for

                         a  new assignment.

       CODMAN:   Maybe you've got it. Here's a radio message, just came in.

       PATTON:    Cod. I've been relieved. They've relieved me from command of the 7th Army.

       CODMAN:   I don't believe it.

       PATTON:    Happy New Year.

       CODMAN:   Just a minute, sir. Since they're sure to give you another command. . .

                         . . . isn't it logical they'd relieve you here first?

       PATTON:    You mean command of all American troops going into Europe? It's possible. I know

                         it's been discussed from time to time.

       CODMAN:  The logic of it is so obvious, it couldn't mean anything else.

                        Sir, I'm going to open this bottle of wine.

      （巴顿笑了）

    PATTON:    No, Cod . . . but if you find a bottle of cognac, I'll help you drink it.

       Codman这个副官不露声色地利用了工作机会，把工作和马屁两者熔合一起，把话讲得恰到好处，逻辑严密，滴水不漏。这绝非一日之功可成，难怪他的长官听后感到那么舒服，堪称经典。实际上，马屁和工作常常是相联系的，马屁寄生于工作之中，工作有时非靠马屁不可，运用之妙，在乎一心。真正的高手是很难被识破的，享用者自然也是毫无察觉，这里面怎样利用机会，讲什么话，怎么讲话，讲的方式方法，甚至语音语调，看来都是大有讲究，学问极深。这让我想起了过去上海人的一句俗话，千错万错马屁不错。