賞析火風鼎兄中詩英譯《詩經 秦風 蒹葭》大作：

還是逐句串讀吧：

The reeds and silver-grasses, dense and vast, made thy vision lost,
--- 這句把蒹+葭分譯，用vision lost來描述蒼蒼，別致。

The late Fall dew vapor hath with the season turned into white frost.
--- 不從“露變霜”的物理瞬間下筆，而寫較大的時間範圍。好！這樣理解的好處襯託了男主角思女之心切，有時間“過得真快呀”的含義在內。注意：has 用了古、雅、詩的形式hath，讀來憑添古意。

The beloved one for whom I have always admired and longed,
--- 這句鋪開，使全篇每句的音步多少和諧，可見譯者用心之處。

Might be somewhere in the depth of “morass” beyond.
--- 是“沼澤”好，還是湖面好，這個純屬個人感覺。

To look for her if along that meandering water I go upstream,
---- 原詩這裡也是敘述句，發揮餘地本身較小

A journey lengthy and full of obstacles it would seem.
--- it would seem 在下文重疊，有“湊韻之嫌”哪，呵呵

To look for her if along the babbling water I go downstream,
--- babbling 用得好！有了聲音，溪流也。可以想象遠處有山丘

Right there in the center of water she is standing it would seem.
--- it would seem 烘托“宛”字。

The reeds and water-grasses are so luxuriant and still stay,
--- 以luxuriant之茂盛與still stay配伍，稍贅，因為通常既茂則立，若withering與still stay才有說道。

The white “frost” hath not vaporized even after it endured sun ray.
--- 這裡的“未晞”者非“霜”也，“露”也。譯作“霜被融化蒸發”顯得“繞”了。

The beloved one I always hide in the bosom of my heart,
--- 原詩相同的句子，譯文有合理變化，衝破單調，好！

Might be at the water’s edge, she is virtuous and smart.
--- 好！

To look for her if along that meandering water I go upstream,

A journey very lengthy and ascending it would seem.
--- ascending 一字之變，可見譯者心細！

To look for her if along the babbling water I go downstream,

Right there on the little mound she is standing it would seem.
--- mound 形象。

The reeds and water-grasses are plentiful and profuse,
--- 俺一直弄不清 plentiful 和 profuse 的細微區別，一個具體一個抽象？ 

The white frost would not stop forming when it comes to its dues.
--- 嗯，不管原詩了，這句讀着清新，好！

The beloved one whom I always miss,
--- I always miss 這一筆補充得體。

Might be at the water-margin and she is listening to water’s fizz.
--- 大讚譯者的想象力！

To look for her if along the meandering water I go upstream,

A journey very winding and full of obstacles it would seem.

To look for her if along the babbling water I go downstream,

Right there on the islet she is standing it would seem.
--- 最後也是在一個小島上，跟俺期待的一致。蓋古時人少地闊，多水，多洲中含島者，無人至也。殆二人幽會之所乎？哈哈

譯作全篇有這麼幾個特點：

1：全篇押韻，難得，

2：用些英文古字，如hath，thy之類，以順應《詩經》原詩之古老韻味

3：在堅守“信達”的基礎上，譯作有“再創作”來追雅，俺反正讀着不覺牽強，看來是成功的。

火風鼎兄好譯再贊！