諸詩友翻譯王維的《渭城曲》佳作小輯(6首) |
送交者: 曹雪葵 2015年12月02日02:43:07 於 [詩詞歌賦] 發送悄悄話 |
《送元二使安西》唐 王維
Masterpiece Poetry by Tang Dynasty River East Hometown Poet Wang Wei:
A spurt of morning rain has refreshed Xianyang city air as moist and clean, --- 豌博這首譯得非常精彩!還是得讚嘆每句字數大約一致,句尾押AABA韻,與原始的節奏和諧。全篇頗多妙譯。如: 不知道spurt究竟是啥樣子,但感覺這 a spurt of morning rain 很符合“浥輕塵”的效果,就跟灑水似的,恰好塵土沒了就停。好! 關於諸詩友對“故人”二字的理解和翻譯,俺個見以為:“故人”是“以前常在一起的朋友”,他的關係比“泛泛認識”要深,是在工作或生活中有過交往的人。至於 folks,somebody close, old-faces 和 old friends 這四個字,俺能肯定是“故交”的是 old friends,呵呵。俺英文二把刀,其實三字既然詩友用了,想來必不會差。
--- 邊砦兄這首簡而不漏。也頗有妙譯。如:用 new willows sprout beside ... 來譯“柳色新”很新穎,好!
陽關曲 SUNNY PASS
Morning rain refreshes dusty of Wei City --- 堅守7字,還有句尾押AABA韻,還是當贊!句式的多變也說明譯者把握E文的筆力。個人趕腳個別字省略得太“厲害”。比如: Morning rain refreshes (前面是動詞,應後接名詞) dusty (但這dusty是形容詞。另外就算refresh dust 也不大配套)of Wei City
Farewell to Yuan Er for his mission to Anxi
The morning rain at Weicheng has dampened the light dust in the air, Notes: 1.Weicheng was the Tang Dynasty name for Xianyang, a city set up during Qin Dynasty, now under the jurisdiction of Xi’an Municipality. 2.Yangguan , the ancient name for a pass. Now it is located to the southwest of Dunhuang city, Gansu Province. 3.Anxi was the name for an area both for military and administrative purposes which had four big Townships at Tang Dynasty --- 火兄這首亦佳!全篇構思和吟誦節奏都看出留心之處。第二句: The green willows around the guest house have new clothes to wear. 採取了擬人的手法,“綠柳穿上新衣”,雖頗覺新穎,但“形象思維”是新詩的筆法,古典詩詞裡極少使用。當然將古典詩詞譯成E文詩時能否用?這個屬於討論範疇。給讀者的感覺 wear 是為了遷就 air 這個韻腳而使用的。 最後兩行“勸君更盡一杯酒,西出陽關無故人”的譯文則流暢自然,耐得住吟誦!
Wei Town is dusted by morning rain --- chip兄這首譯作洗鍊生動,頗有妙譯:
Wei Town is dusted by morning rain (渭城朝雨浥輕塵)
The hostel willow is fresh and sadly green (客舍青青柳色新)
Early showers at Wei Town holds the dust down,
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