碗博譯作原玉如下:
"Fortune Teller Format: Singing for Wintersweet Blossom"
Masterpiece Poetry by Southern Song Poet Lu You
Hanging tough outside a motel besides a broken bridge,
blooming alone yet does anyone care,
Already approaching dusk but solely in angst,
still wind and rain are bashing in square.
No point struggling to win favor of spring,
rendering other flowers simply jealous of it.
Battered into mud and crushed into ashes,
its aroma settling down not even a bit.
陸游原文:
驛外斷橋邊,寂寞開無主。
已是黃昏獨自愁,更著風和雨。
無意苦爭春,一任群芳妒。
零落成泥碾作塵,只有香如故。
逐句賞析:
"Fortune Teller Format:
--- 一眼看到 fortune teller,立馬笑翻。然而細思,介個“卜算子”本來出身問題就很複雜,乾脆譯作 fortune teller,也許倒一了百了了。
Singing for Wintersweet Blossom"
Masterpiece Poetry by Southern Song Poet Lu You
碗博譯作整體上精準雅致、流暢自然,用英文的觸角來感受,也詩意十足。有個別小地方,討論一番:
Hanging tough outside a motel besides a broken bridge,
--- 感覺 motel 在英文裡,並非處在荒涼偏僻的區域。但古代中國的“驛”卻是如此,古代的官路短距離內會整個小亭子歇腳,更遠的距離則整個大亭子歇息吃乾糧,所謂的“長亭”是也。古代送行多選在“長亭”。走過很多個長亭之後(百里之遙?),就會整個“驛(館)”,這個“驛”灰常偏僻荒涼,常須自帶行李吃食,都是上不着村下不着店時被迫將就一晚而已。陸游筆下的梅,是很落魄的,所以他營造的氛圍一定要與繁華形成強烈對比,所以他筆下的梅花才開在“驛外”,而不在“苑內”。否則怎麼會有下句的“寂寞”?俺知道這hotel,motel,hostel都是旅館,但是不是和俺所言的驛的荒涼吻合,就得碗博和其他E文國家的詩友判斷料。
blooming alone yet does anyone care,
--- 這句 does anyone care 發揮得好!
Already approaching dusk but solely in angst,
--- 用 angst 譯“愁”?感覺程度稍微強烈了一點兒 這裡的“愁”似乎是極度無奈而已。
still wind and rain are bashing in square.
No point struggling to win favor of spring,
rendering other flowers simply jealous of it.
--- 這兩行精彩,“無意苦爭春,一任群芳妒”這句,俺用腦細胞稍微過了一遍,頓覺灰常難譯,在碗博筆下居然輕鬆變E,佩服。
Battered into mud and crushed into ashes,
--- 原文裡的“碾”字很重要,車馬碾壓也,因為該梅花之所以要開在“驛外”,就是要再這句里讓它被“碾”。古典詩詞是一環扣一環的,前後呼應,每句都有內在聯繫。這點兒提請碗博斟酌。如果只能用一個動詞,俺甚至建議不翻譯“零落”也要翻譯這個“碾”字。
its aroma settling down not even a bit.
--- 介句蓋帽兒!要是俺翻譯,肯定成:Only its aroma remains the same。哈哈哈
再贊碗博精彩譯作!灰常成功!