作者受洗見證

一個少年人的見證

文 | 楊倚樂
《生命與信仰》第41期

音頻為何楊弟兄朗讀，背景音樂為黃濱姊妹小提琴/孫鍾玲姊妹鋼琴聖約“奇異恩典”：

編者按：本文為作者的受洗見證。作者是一個16歲的高中生，相信他的見證會對北美的青少年有幫助。文後附有英文原文，以方便讀者轉給讀英文的子女閱讀。

作為一個牧師的兒子，我從小就在基督教的環境裡長大，我對神的接觸還是蠻多的。不過我一直都不太能理解基督信仰的道理，以及耶穌釘十字架的恩典。我常常會挑戰聖經里的教導，當我無法按照我的標準找到一個滿意的答案時，就會感到失望。

隨着時間的流逝，我漸漸成熟長大，我對神的認識也在逐步增加。不過我腦子裡還是經常會有很多的疑惑，比如我會想：“既然神比我們人類偉大得多，祂要欺騙我們應該是非常容易的，”或者“如果神是一個超越我們所能理解的存在，祂為什麼還需要我們呢？”諸如此類的想法和疑慮使我無法全心全意地相信神、敬拜神。因此，我就踏上了一個不可能完成的旅程：那就是想去探索關於神的所有奧秘的答案。

現在回過頭來看，我想追求關於神的一切答案的想法是愚蠢和可笑的。既然人連地上的事物都不可能完全理解，又怎麼可能完全理解天上的事呢？而且我們人與上帝不在同一水平線上，因此單憑人的理性和智慧是無法理解關於神的一切。但在前幾年，這樣的想法確實阻礙了我，使我無法全心全意地投入到聖經學習以及主日敬拜中。不過後來我漸漸地明白到，人確實永遠也無法完全地明白和理解神，這就是為什麼在選擇跟隨神的道路上需要信心。從明白神對我們的愛，到理解祂對人類的救贖計劃，再到我們決定一生跟隨祂，這些都需要信心！而追求自己的每一個問題都得到解答，這實在是愚昧的！

我曾經聽人說過，人們往往不會對信仰有需求和渴慕，直到他們認識到，假如這個世界沒有神，沒有永恆，那麼生命本身就沒有意義，曾經所擁有的一切都是枉然。可是當時我卻想：我的生活中還有很多事情要去嘗試，有很多人生目標需要實現，有財富需要去獲得。

在過去這一年的疫情隔離期間，無論是我個人的生活，還是外在的世界，都有很多改變。一方面，我有很多的時間與父母親在一起，並且和他們建立了比過往任何時候都更好、更親密的關係；另一方面，我們生活的美國乃至世界，發生了許多以前從未發生過的事情。與邪惡的人性相比，所謂的“善行”以及“好人”的努力都顯得蒼白無力。人們需要做很多善事才能讓世界變得好一點，但是破壞起來卻容易的多，幾件壞事就能造成極大的破壞！並且我也意識到我們人本身的無助和軟弱，再加上這個世界的墮落，實在讓人對未來難以抱希望。人所建造的一切都只是暫時的，都會化為烏有。

儘管如此，這個世界仍然有很多美好的事物，人之間有寶貴的愛的關係，這使我感到生活還是有目標的。但是，關鍵是：暫時的！這一切都是暫時的。連我與家人建立的親密美好的關係也是暫時的，也將因着死亡而消失。單單這一點就足以使我想更多地了解上帝的救贖計劃，以及聖經中關於永生的教導。就這樣，我在信仰的門口徘徊多年以後，我重新將注意力轉向主耶穌，這一次，祂徹底地幫助我解開了心中的枷鎖！

首先我意識到，我們人常常也會表現出好的一面，比如當我們向彼此傳遞和表達愛的時候，或者其他我們可以稱之為“好”的行為，我們就好像一個有些殘缺破碎的鏡子，時不時也可以反映神的光，但是大多數的時候我們都在犯罪，反映出來的是罪人的形象。上帝按照祂的形象創造人類，可是當我們的始祖亞當夏娃犯罪之後，我們就失去了反映上帝形象的能力，雖然有時候我們也能做點善事，但是這些善行並沒有改變我們仍然是破碎的罪人的事實。

從小到大，我幹過不少壞事。雖然從小父母就教導我很多聖經的話語，知道什麼是罪。我也曾背誦過不少經文，記憶最深的是小學的時候背過整本雅各書。可是知道什麼是善的，卻行不出來，這常常令我痛苦。比如我從十歲開始，就像大部分男孩子一樣喜歡打遊戲，甚至上癮。可是我的父親總是想方設法地限制我打遊戲的時間，並且會定期檢查我使用電腦的內容以及時間。其實我也知道他是為了我好，可是玩遊戲的誘惑對我來說一直都在。為了能更多地打遊戲，我就發揮我的“聰明才智”，用各種的方法破解電腦的密碼。比如我曾試過在房間的一個隱秘處安裝攝像頭，記錄我父親輸入的電腦密碼。為了打遊戲，我也曾撒過不少謊。表面上我很順服，一周就按照父親規定的時間玩一會兒遊戲。可是事實是：只要一有機會，趁他們不在家，我就偷偷地玩，然後想辦法清除電腦上自己玩遊戲的記錄。玩的時候一面很過癮，一面心裡不安，做賊心虛。在這種交戰中常常感到疲憊。終有一天，良心覺得過意不去，就去和媽媽坦白（那時的我特別害怕父親，所以凡事都是找媽媽）：“媽，趁我還沒後悔之前，趕快去把電腦密碼換了吧，密碼我已經知道了。”等他們換了新密碼，過了一段時間，我又有新辦法再一次破解密碼，然後再次偷玩，然後再次認罪......這樣周而復始的經歷使我深深地體會到保羅在羅馬書7章第18-19節裡面所描述的：“立志為善由得我，只是行出來由不得我。故此，我所願意的善，我反不作；我所不願意的惡，我倒去作。”因此，我也無數次從心底發出和保羅同樣的吶喊：“我真是苦啊，誰能救我脫離這取死的身體呢？” 靠着我自己，我實在無法從這樣不停犯罪、而後又苦苦掙扎的循環中解脫出來，我無能為力，因此我需要救贖，需要一個外在的，比我強大的力量來幫助我。

當我明白到這一點時，我就能理解耶穌替像我這樣的罪人死在十字架上，為我們贖罪的恩典了。神的恩典何等偉大，通過祂的兒子耶穌基督救贖的工作，引領我們獲得永生。沒有上帝，這個世界就沒有希望，人類的努力永遠不足以把我們從這個墮落的世界中拯救出來。 

作者的父親楊華東牧師親自為兒子施洗

在疫情隔離期間，我們一家四口每天晚上堅持家庭敬拜，一起讀經禱告。我樂在其中，在不知不覺中，每天的聖經學習對我產生了巨大的影響。疫情剛開始時，就聽許多人說，與同一批人日復一日地呆在同一棟房子裡是非常困難的，容易導致家庭成員之間很多的衝突。我們家本應該也是這種情況，因為我們每個人都有脾氣不好的時候。可是，借着真理，我們每個人都看到自己靈里的軟弱，並且借着聖靈的幫助，願意悔改自己的罪。特別是我和我父親，以前我和父親最大的衝突就是：他對我採用的是權威式的教導，可是我總是不服，所以總有衝突。然而，每天我們一起的靈修禱告卻在改變着我們。我們倆都認識到我們自己在各方面的軟弱，並願意一同向神禱告，尋求幫助。神回應了我們的禱告，我們之間有了很多坦誠深入的溝通，也彼此道歉，神使我和父親之間存在多年的問題得以化解。如果不是因為一種外在的力量幫助我們，我們靠自己永遠不可能取得這樣的進步。這外在的力量就是來自上帝的力量和聖靈的工作。並且聖經中的話語是真實有力的，常常擊中我心，使我信服，願意改變。這種切身的體驗是我以前沒有體會過的，我實在感謝神的恩典！

我的生命中需要神，祂的救贖計劃是我唯一能抓住的東西，把我拉出這個墮落的世界。將來在永恆的天堂里，神應許會擦乾我們一切的眼淚，在那裡我可以和我的家人在一起，最重要的是和我的主耶穌一起，直到永遠。耶穌已經為我而死，祂代替我而死，我所要做的就是相信祂，把我的生命獻給祂，讓祂做我生命的主！這是我所知道的最偉大的真理，比我所夢想的任何事情都要美好。

我非常樂意接受洗禮，我願意與基督同埋葬，擺脫舊我，擁抱我在耶穌基督里的新生命。我願意接受上帝對我的美妙恩典，並跟隨祂直到永遠。受洗並不意味着我今後在信仰上不會有掙扎或難處，而是標誌着我生命中新篇章的開始。將生命獻給主耶穌基督，我義不容辭，滿心歡喜！阿們！

 
作者全家福（攝於父親楊華東牧師按牧典禮）

A Teenager’s Testimony

By Enoch Yang

The following audio is read by Sam Ou

As a pastor’s son, someone raised with Christianity, I actually had a lot of experience and contact with the Christian faith. But I wasn’t able to understand its teachings or the grace of God’s plan through Jesus dying on the cross. I would often challenge the teachings of Christianity and would be disappointed when I couldn’t find a satisfactory answer according to my standards.

But as time passed, and  I matured, I would slowly come to understand the depth and values of Christianity. But this was not enough, as I would often have a lot of uncertainties in my head due to us humans not being on the same level as God and therefore, I was not able to understand anywhere even remotely close to what God does. “Since God is so much greater than us humans, it should be ridiculously easy for Him to trick us, no?” and “Why does God even need us if He is a superior being beyond what we can comprehend?” Such thoughts and doubts prevented me from being able to worship God wholeheartedly and set me off on an impossible journey to find answers for all of God’s mysteries.

Of course, looking back, it was foolish and laughable of me to pursue after answers to everything about the religion. Since it is not possible to understand even everything on earth, how could there be such understanding when it comes to heaven? It was truly a shame that thoughts such as these held me back during my youth and prevented me from whole heartedly devoting myself to the study of the Bible studies and the sermons I heard. Therefore, as more time went by and I grew up, I realized that is why faith is required in religions. Since humans will never be able to understand God completely, from just how great God’s love is for us, to his plans for human salvation, we need faith and trust when dedicating our lives to God. To pursue answers to every single question in my head is but a fool’s journey.

I once heard from someone that people would not find the need nor have the desperation for religion until they recognize the lack of meaning and the futility of life without such a God and eternal life. I thought at the time that I still had a lot to live for in my life, such as earthly goals and riches that I needed to obtain. That is why it was so surprising when I came to realize how Christianity is the only way out of this hell of a world in this past year.

During quarantine, many things happened, both inside my life and outside. On one hand, I was able to take advantage of the extra time I had to spend with my family and develop a strong relationship with my parents - stronger than it’s ever been in my life. On the other hand, numerous events were occurring throughout the world, events that made me recognize just how dark and worthless this world really is. The so-called “good deeds” and efforts of “good” people pale in comparison to the evil of human nature and makes it hard to be hopeful for the future of humanity.

It didn’t take long for me to realize just how hopeless and weak we humans are and how corrupted the world is. It takes a lot of good deeds to make a change for the better but just a few bad deeds to change the world for the worse. Everything that human kind builds is temporary, and all turns to dust after death.

But there are still good things in the world, as well as love in the world that make me want to believe that we have a purpose in life, even with all these things happening. The keyword here, though, is that everything is temporary. The bonds I’ve built with my family will be broken and gone after death. This thought alone made me want to look more into God’s plan for salvation and his promise of eternal life. But I could’ve never have imagined how many things clicked inside me after all these years, when I finally turned my attention to the Lord.

I came to realize that us humans have a godly side at times, times when we show love to each other, and other things that I could call “good”.  But that is where the problem comes: We rarely reflect God’s qualities. We are merely broken vessels that can only reflect the light of the Lord a small portion of the time, with the rest sinning and reflecting that of the sinner’s image. As a kid, I was quite the trouble maker, despite my Christian upbringing. Even though I was familiar enough with the Bible to recite the entirety of the book of James from memory and have a general idea of what is good as opposed to what is sinful, I didn’t live the verses out. Like most boys at the age of 10, I was a big fan of video games - addicted even. I remember the way my dad used to limit how much time I should spend on gaming and how he would utilize apps to track my screen time in order to keep me in check. Although I understood that my dad was doing this for my benefit in the long run, I often craved for more time to spend on video games. This is why I started to sneak in gaming time whenever my parents were out and would find a way to clear my recorded screen time afterwards. I would do whatever it took to satisfy my addiction, which included a variety of deceptive methods, from setting up a camera somewhere camouflaged in my room to record my dad inputting the passwords for various electronic devices, to lying over and over again whenever I’m close to getting caught. At times, I would be overwhelmed with guilt building up inside of me and eventually, confessed to my mom (not my dad,who in my memory was much scarier than my mom) about my mischievous deeds. My mom would then, under my instructions, change the passwords of whatever device I played games on to something entirely new, which I would crack again through my own shady methods when my addiction got the best of me again. My experience can be entirely summarized by Romans 7:18-19 in the Bible: “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” I would often cry out to God like the Apostle Paul did: “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?” Relying on myself, I couldn’t even break through the smallest of addictions, much less bigger ones that I would have to face once I grew up. This was something that even my 10-year  old self recognized at the time. This is exactly why I needed salvation, or rather, some outside force that is infinitely stronger than myself, who can rescue me from the grasp of sin.

When I realized this, it became a lot easier to understand Jesus’s act of dying on the cross in our place to cleanse our sins and how great God’s grace is through the gospel, leading us to eternal life through him. The world is already hopeless without God, human efforts will never be enough to save us from this hell.

During quarantine, my family and I made sure to spend time every night on Bible devotions and prayers, something that I was willing to participate in but did not realize how big of an impact it will have on us. I heard from many people during quarantine that it was extremely difficult to stay in the same house day after day with the same people, to the point that it even created conflict between family members. That should also have been the case for our family, since I knew how hot-tempered we all were and that there was no way we could endure months of being stuck in the same house with each other for days on end. But needless to say, the daily devotions and prayers turned out to be crucial for our family, as it exposed our inner weaknesses, both in faith and in spirit. One of the biggest conflicts I’ve always had with my father is his way of disciplining me, which tends to be through force and strict authority -  something that I despised and often fought back against. But as a result of me opening up daily to my family through our devotions, what should’ve been constant pointless arguments and conflicts turned into God humbling all of us through the work of the Holy Spirit. This in turn led to me and my dad to recognize our own faults in all areas and reaching out to God for help. And God answered our prayers, as problems between my family and I that had existed for years began to resolve through our combined efforts.

What should’ve been an unbearable hell due to quarantine taught all of us to take a step back and humble our souls in the face of conflict, and that is the work of God. Knowing myself and my dad, we’re great sinners that should never have been able to make such progress alone, much less during quarantine without an outside force. That force was God and the work of the Holy Spirit, as He strengthened all of us one miracle at a time. The Word of God in the Bible was glaringly bright and burned through my heart, helping me understand the true value of His teachings. And for the first time, I’m experiencing His grace for myself, more than ever before.

I witnessed the work of the Holy Spirit through my family and the changes in my own heart, and that is something that I can believe in, something that is entirely thanks to God and not myself or those around me. I am but a sinner, an imperfect image of God. I need God in my life and His plan for salvation is the only thing that I can hold on to in order to pull me out of this fallen world. God will wipe our tears through granting us eternal life in heaven, where I can be with my family, and most importantly, God Himself forever. Jesus died for me, he died in my place, and all I have to do is to believe in him and dedicate my life to him. That is the greatest truth I’ve ever heard in my entire life, more beautiful than anything I could ever dream of.

I’m more than happy to go be baptized. I am willing to die with Christ on the cross, to be rid of my old self and embrace my new life in Jesus Christ. I am willing to accept God’s amazing grace for me and to follow him till my death. Baptism does not mean that I will not have struggles in my faith in the future but marks the new beginning for a new chapter in my life, where I devote my life to Jesus Christ my Lord, Amen.

親愛的朋友：若您願意接受耶穌為救主，或者是願意更多地認識耶穌，請您回應這個信息、或者是聯繫向您轉發這個信息的人，我們會有同工幫助您。

如果您已經是基督徒，請您把這些信息，轉發給您的親人和朋友。

福音真義

1.至真、至善、至美的全能的上帝創造了宇宙萬物；萬物之中唯有人是神按照祂自己的形像創造的。

2.我們的始祖亞當、夏娃悖逆神，犯罪墮落了；罪因一人進入世界，世人都犯了罪；罪的結局就是死。人類開始過着悲慘的生活；並且人人都有一死，死後且有審判。

3.神愛我們，把祂的獨生子耶穌賜給我們。耶穌基督道成肉身來到世上，祂擔當我們的罪，代替我們死在十字架上，完成了救贖的工作；死後被埋葬，第三天，神使祂從死里復活；祂回到天上，還要再來，施行審判。

4.耶穌基督是人類唯一的救主。我們認罪悔改，歸信耶穌，接受祂作我們的救主和生命的主，便能與神和好，脫離罪和死，得享永生。

親愛的朋友，今天，神的恩典借着這篇微信臨到了你。神在尋找你，祂在敲叩你的心扉，祂白白地賜給你恩典。你失去的，只是罪和死的枷鎖；得到的，卻是一個充滿平安喜樂的新生命！如果你承認自己是一個罪人，願意信耶穌、接受祂的救恩，請你以心靈和誠實作這樣的禱告：

親愛的天父，現在我知道你是獨一真神，耶穌基督是人類唯一的救主。我承認自己是一個罪人，我願意悔改歸信耶穌。求你赦免我的罪，接納我這個罪人作你的兒女。我今天把自己的生命獻給你，求你引導我前面的道路，使我從今以後一生為你而活！奉主耶穌基督的聖名禱告，阿們！

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