作者受洗见证

一个少年人的见证

文 | 杨倚乐
《生命与信仰》第41期

音频为何杨弟兄朗读，背景音乐为黄滨姊妹小提琴/孙锺玲姊妹钢琴圣约“奇异恩典”：

编者按：本文为作者的受洗见证。作者是一个16岁的高中生，相信他的见证会对北美的青少年有帮助。文后附有英文原文，以方便读者转给读英文的子女阅读。

作为一个牧师的儿子，我从小就在基督教的环境里长大，我对神的接触还是蛮多的。不过我一直都不太能理解基督信仰的道理，以及耶稣钉十字架的恩典。我常常会挑战圣经里的教导，当我无法按照我的标准找到一个满意的答案时，就会感到失望。

随着时间的流逝，我渐渐成熟长大，我对神的认识也在逐步增加。不过我脑子里还是经常会有很多的疑惑，比如我会想：“既然神比我们人类伟大得多，祂要欺骗我们应该是非常容易的，”或者“如果神是一个超越我们所能理解的存在，祂为什么还需要我们呢？”诸如此类的想法和疑虑使我无法全心全意地相信神、敬拜神。因此，我就踏上了一个不可能完成的旅程：那就是想去探索关于神的所有奥秘的答案。

现在回过头来看，我想追求关于神的一切答案的想法是愚蠢和可笑的。既然人连地上的事物都不可能完全理解，又怎么可能完全理解天上的事呢？而且我们人与上帝不在同一水平线上，因此单凭人的理性和智慧是无法理解关于神的一切。但在前几年，这样的想法确实阻碍了我，使我无法全心全意地投入到圣经学习以及主日敬拜中。不过后来我渐渐地明白到，人确实永远也无法完全地明白和理解神，这就是为什么在选择跟随神的道路上需要信心。从明白神对我们的爱，到理解祂对人类的救赎计划，再到我们决定一生跟随祂，这些都需要信心！而追求自己的每一个问题都得到解答，这实在是愚昧的！

我曾经听人说过，人们往往不会对信仰有需求和渴慕，直到他们认识到，假如这个世界没有神，没有永恒，那么生命本身就没有意义，曾经所拥有的一切都是枉然。可是当时我却想：我的生活中还有很多事情要去尝试，有很多人生目标需要实现，有财富需要去获得。

在过去这一年的疫情隔离期间，无论是我个人的生活，还是外在的世界，都有很多改变。一方面，我有很多的时间与父母亲在一起，并且和他们建立了比过往任何时候都更好、更亲密的关系；另一方面，我们生活的美国乃至世界，发生了许多以前从未发生过的事情。与邪恶的人性相比，所谓的“善行”以及“好人”的努力都显得苍白无力。人们需要做很多善事才能让世界变得好一点，但是破坏起来却容易的多，几件坏事就能造成极大的破坏！并且我也意识到我们人本身的无助和软弱，再加上这个世界的堕落，实在让人对未来难以抱希望。人所建造的一切都只是暂时的，都会化为乌有。

尽管如此，这个世界仍然有很多美好的事物，人之间有宝贵的爱的关系，这使我感到生活还是有目标的。但是，关键是：暂时的！这一切都是暂时的。连我与家人建立的亲密美好的关系也是暂时的，也将因着死亡而消失。单单这一点就足以使我想更多地了解上帝的救赎计划，以及圣经中关于永生的教导。就这样，我在信仰的门口徘徊多年以后，我重新将注意力转向主耶稣，这一次，祂彻底地帮助我解开了心中的枷锁！

首先我意识到，我们人常常也会表现出好的一面，比如当我们向彼此传递和表达爱的时候，或者其他我们可以称之为“好”的行为，我们就好像一个有些残缺破碎的镜子，时不时也可以反映神的光，但是大多数的时候我们都在犯罪，反映出来的是罪人的形象。上帝按照祂的形象创造人类，可是当我们的始祖亚当夏娃犯罪之后，我们就失去了反映上帝形象的能力，虽然有时候我们也能做点善事，但是这些善行并没有改变我们仍然是破碎的罪人的事实。

从小到大，我干过不少坏事。虽然从小父母就教导我很多圣经的话语，知道什么是罪。我也曾背诵过不少经文，记忆最深的是小学的时候背过整本雅各书。可是知道什么是善的，却行不出来，这常常令我痛苦。比如我从十岁开始，就像大部分男孩子一样喜欢打游戏，甚至上瘾。可是我的父亲总是想方设法地限制我打游戏的时间，并且会定期检查我使用电脑的内容以及时间。其实我也知道他是为了我好，可是玩游戏的诱惑对我来说一直都在。为了能更多地打游戏，我就发挥我的“聪明才智”，用各种的方法破解电脑的密码。比如我曾试过在房间的一个隐秘处安装摄像头，记录我父亲输入的电脑密码。为了打游戏，我也曾撒过不少谎。表面上我很顺服，一周就按照父亲规定的时间玩一会儿游戏。可是事实是：只要一有机会，趁他们不在家，我就偷偷地玩，然后想办法清除电脑上自己玩游戏的记录。玩的时候一面很过瘾，一面心里不安，做贼心虚。在这种交战中常常感到疲惫。终有一天，良心觉得过意不去，就去和妈妈坦白（那时的我特别害怕父亲，所以凡事都是找妈妈）：“妈，趁我还没后悔之前，赶快去把电脑密码换了吧，密码我已经知道了。”等他们换了新密码，过了一段时间，我又有新办法再一次破解密码，然后再次偷玩，然后再次认罪......这样周而复始的经历使我深深地体会到保罗在罗马书7章第18-19节里面所描述的：“立志为善由得我，只是行出来由不得我。故此，我所愿意的善，我反不作；我所不愿意的恶，我倒去作。”因此，我也无数次从心底发出和保罗同样的呐喊：“我真是苦啊，谁能救我脱离这取死的身体呢？” 靠着我自己，我实在无法从这样不停犯罪、而后又苦苦挣扎的循环中解脱出来，我无能为力，因此我需要救赎，需要一个外在的，比我强大的力量来帮助我。

当我明白到这一点时，我就能理解耶稣替像我这样的罪人死在十字架上，为我们赎罪的恩典了。神的恩典何等伟大，通过祂的儿子耶稣基督救赎的工作，引领我们获得永生。没有上帝，这个世界就没有希望，人类的努力永远不足以把我们从这个堕落的世界中拯救出来。 

作者的父亲杨华东牧师亲自为儿子施洗

在疫情隔离期间，我们一家四口每天晚上坚持家庭敬拜，一起读经祷告。我乐在其中，在不知不觉中，每天的圣经学习对我产生了巨大的影响。疫情刚开始时，就听许多人说，与同一批人日复一日地呆在同一栋房子里是非常困难的，容易导致家庭成员之间很多的冲突。我们家本应该也是这种情况，因为我们每个人都有脾气不好的时候。可是，借着真理，我们每个人都看到自己灵里的软弱，并且借着圣灵的帮助，愿意悔改自己的罪。特别是我和我父亲，以前我和父亲最大的冲突就是：他对我采用的是权威式的教导，可是我总是不服，所以总有冲突。然而，每天我们一起的灵修祷告却在改变着我们。我们俩都认识到我们自己在各方面的软弱，并愿意一同向神祷告，寻求帮助。神回应了我们的祷告，我们之间有了很多坦诚深入的沟通，也彼此道歉，神使我和父亲之间存在多年的问题得以化解。如果不是因为一种外在的力量帮助我们，我们靠自己永远不可能取得这样的进步。这外在的力量就是来自上帝的力量和圣灵的工作。并且圣经中的话语是真实有力的，常常击中我心，使我信服，愿意改变。这种切身的体验是我以前没有体会过的，我实在感谢神的恩典！

我的生命中需要神，祂的救赎计划是我唯一能抓住的东西，把我拉出这个堕落的世界。将来在永恒的天堂里，神应许会擦干我们一切的眼泪，在那里我可以和我的家人在一起，最重要的是和我的主耶稣一起，直到永远。耶稣已经为我而死，祂代替我而死，我所要做的就是相信祂，把我的生命献给祂，让祂做我生命的主！这是我所知道的最伟大的真理，比我所梦想的任何事情都要美好。

我非常乐意接受洗礼，我愿意与基督同埋葬，摆脱旧我，拥抱我在耶稣基督里的新生命。我愿意接受上帝对我的美妙恩典，并跟随祂直到永远。受洗并不意味着我今后在信仰上不会有挣扎或难处，而是标志着我生命中新篇章的开始。将生命献给主耶稣基督，我义不容辞，满心欢喜！阿们！

 
作者全家福（摄于父亲杨华东牧师按牧典礼）

A Teenager’s Testimony

By Enoch Yang

The following audio is read by Sam Ou

As a pastor’s son, someone raised with Christianity, I actually had a lot of experience and contact with the Christian faith. But I wasn’t able to understand its teachings or the grace of God’s plan through Jesus dying on the cross. I would often challenge the teachings of Christianity and would be disappointed when I couldn’t find a satisfactory answer according to my standards.

But as time passed, and  I matured, I would slowly come to understand the depth and values of Christianity. But this was not enough, as I would often have a lot of uncertainties in my head due to us humans not being on the same level as God and therefore, I was not able to understand anywhere even remotely close to what God does. “Since God is so much greater than us humans, it should be ridiculously easy for Him to trick us, no?” and “Why does God even need us if He is a superior being beyond what we can comprehend?” Such thoughts and doubts prevented me from being able to worship God wholeheartedly and set me off on an impossible journey to find answers for all of God’s mysteries.

Of course, looking back, it was foolish and laughable of me to pursue after answers to everything about the religion. Since it is not possible to understand even everything on earth, how could there be such understanding when it comes to heaven? It was truly a shame that thoughts such as these held me back during my youth and prevented me from whole heartedly devoting myself to the study of the Bible studies and the sermons I heard. Therefore, as more time went by and I grew up, I realized that is why faith is required in religions. Since humans will never be able to understand God completely, from just how great God’s love is for us, to his plans for human salvation, we need faith and trust when dedicating our lives to God. To pursue answers to every single question in my head is but a fool’s journey.

I once heard from someone that people would not find the need nor have the desperation for religion until they recognize the lack of meaning and the futility of life without such a God and eternal life. I thought at the time that I still had a lot to live for in my life, such as earthly goals and riches that I needed to obtain. That is why it was so surprising when I came to realize how Christianity is the only way out of this hell of a world in this past year.

During quarantine, many things happened, both inside my life and outside. On one hand, I was able to take advantage of the extra time I had to spend with my family and develop a strong relationship with my parents - stronger than it’s ever been in my life. On the other hand, numerous events were occurring throughout the world, events that made me recognize just how dark and worthless this world really is. The so-called “good deeds” and efforts of “good” people pale in comparison to the evil of human nature and makes it hard to be hopeful for the future of humanity.

It didn’t take long for me to realize just how hopeless and weak we humans are and how corrupted the world is. It takes a lot of good deeds to make a change for the better but just a few bad deeds to change the world for the worse. Everything that human kind builds is temporary, and all turns to dust after death.

But there are still good things in the world, as well as love in the world that make me want to believe that we have a purpose in life, even with all these things happening. The keyword here, though, is that everything is temporary. The bonds I’ve built with my family will be broken and gone after death. This thought alone made me want to look more into God’s plan for salvation and his promise of eternal life. But I could’ve never have imagined how many things clicked inside me after all these years, when I finally turned my attention to the Lord.

I came to realize that us humans have a godly side at times, times when we show love to each other, and other things that I could call “good”.  But that is where the problem comes: We rarely reflect God’s qualities. We are merely broken vessels that can only reflect the light of the Lord a small portion of the time, with the rest sinning and reflecting that of the sinner’s image. As a kid, I was quite the trouble maker, despite my Christian upbringing. Even though I was familiar enough with the Bible to recite the entirety of the book of James from memory and have a general idea of what is good as opposed to what is sinful, I didn’t live the verses out. Like most boys at the age of 10, I was a big fan of video games - addicted even. I remember the way my dad used to limit how much time I should spend on gaming and how he would utilize apps to track my screen time in order to keep me in check. Although I understood that my dad was doing this for my benefit in the long run, I often craved for more time to spend on video games. This is why I started to sneak in gaming time whenever my parents were out and would find a way to clear my recorded screen time afterwards. I would do whatever it took to satisfy my addiction, which included a variety of deceptive methods, from setting up a camera somewhere camouflaged in my room to record my dad inputting the passwords for various electronic devices, to lying over and over again whenever I’m close to getting caught. At times, I would be overwhelmed with guilt building up inside of me and eventually, confessed to my mom (not my dad,who in my memory was much scarier than my mom) about my mischievous deeds. My mom would then, under my instructions, change the passwords of whatever device I played games on to something entirely new, which I would crack again through my own shady methods when my addiction got the best of me again. My experience can be entirely summarized by Romans 7:18-19 in the Bible: “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” I would often cry out to God like the Apostle Paul did: “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?” Relying on myself, I couldn’t even break through the smallest of addictions, much less bigger ones that I would have to face once I grew up. This was something that even my 10-year  old self recognized at the time. This is exactly why I needed salvation, or rather, some outside force that is infinitely stronger than myself, who can rescue me from the grasp of sin.

When I realized this, it became a lot easier to understand Jesus’s act of dying on the cross in our place to cleanse our sins and how great God’s grace is through the gospel, leading us to eternal life through him. The world is already hopeless without God, human efforts will never be enough to save us from this hell.

During quarantine, my family and I made sure to spend time every night on Bible devotions and prayers, something that I was willing to participate in but did not realize how big of an impact it will have on us. I heard from many people during quarantine that it was extremely difficult to stay in the same house day after day with the same people, to the point that it even created conflict between family members. That should also have been the case for our family, since I knew how hot-tempered we all were and that there was no way we could endure months of being stuck in the same house with each other for days on end. But needless to say, the daily devotions and prayers turned out to be crucial for our family, as it exposed our inner weaknesses, both in faith and in spirit. One of the biggest conflicts I’ve always had with my father is his way of disciplining me, which tends to be through force and strict authority -  something that I despised and often fought back against. But as a result of me opening up daily to my family through our devotions, what should’ve been constant pointless arguments and conflicts turned into God humbling all of us through the work of the Holy Spirit. This in turn led to me and my dad to recognize our own faults in all areas and reaching out to God for help. And God answered our prayers, as problems between my family and I that had existed for years began to resolve through our combined efforts.

What should’ve been an unbearable hell due to quarantine taught all of us to take a step back and humble our souls in the face of conflict, and that is the work of God. Knowing myself and my dad, we’re great sinners that should never have been able to make such progress alone, much less during quarantine without an outside force. That force was God and the work of the Holy Spirit, as He strengthened all of us one miracle at a time. The Word of God in the Bible was glaringly bright and burned through my heart, helping me understand the true value of His teachings. And for the first time, I’m experiencing His grace for myself, more than ever before.

I witnessed the work of the Holy Spirit through my family and the changes in my own heart, and that is something that I can believe in, something that is entirely thanks to God and not myself or those around me. I am but a sinner, an imperfect image of God. I need God in my life and His plan for salvation is the only thing that I can hold on to in order to pull me out of this fallen world. God will wipe our tears through granting us eternal life in heaven, where I can be with my family, and most importantly, God Himself forever. Jesus died for me, he died in my place, and all I have to do is to believe in him and dedicate my life to him. That is the greatest truth I’ve ever heard in my entire life, more beautiful than anything I could ever dream of.

I’m more than happy to go be baptized. I am willing to die with Christ on the cross, to be rid of my old self and embrace my new life in Jesus Christ. I am willing to accept God’s amazing grace for me and to follow him till my death. Baptism does not mean that I will not have struggles in my faith in the future but marks the new beginning for a new chapter in my life, where I devote my life to Jesus Christ my Lord, Amen.

亲爱的朋友：若您愿意接受耶稣为救主，或者是愿意更多地认识耶稣，请您回应这个信息、或者是联系向您转发这个信息的人，我们会有同工帮助您。

如果您已经是基督徒，请您把这些信息，转发给您的亲人和朋友。

福音真义

1.至真、至善、至美的全能的上帝创造了宇宙万物；万物之中唯有人是神按照祂自己的形像创造的。

2.我们的始祖亚当、夏娃悖逆神，犯罪堕落了；罪因一人进入世界，世人都犯了罪；罪的结局就是死。人类开始过着悲惨的生活；并且人人都有一死，死后且有审判。

3.神爱我们，把祂的独生子耶稣赐给我们。耶稣基督道成肉身来到世上，祂担当我们的罪，代替我们死在十字架上，完成了救赎的工作；死后被埋葬，第三天，神使祂从死里复活；祂回到天上，还要再来，施行审判。

4.耶稣基督是人类唯一的救主。我们认罪悔改，归信耶稣，接受祂作我们的救主和生命的主，便能与神和好，脱离罪和死，得享永生。

亲爱的朋友，今天，神的恩典借着这篇微信临到了你。神在寻找你，祂在敲叩你的心扉，祂白白地赐给你恩典。你失去的，只是罪和死的枷锁；得到的，却是一个充满平安喜乐的新生命！如果你承认自己是一个罪人，愿意信耶稣、接受祂的救恩，请你以心灵和诚实作这样的祷告：

亲爱的天父，现在我知道你是独一真神，耶稣基督是人类唯一的救主。我承认自己是一个罪人，我愿意悔改归信耶稣。求你赦免我的罪，接纳我这个罪人作你的儿女。我今天把自己的生命献给你，求你引导我前面的道路，使我从今以后一生为你而活！奉主耶稣基督的圣名祷告，阿们！

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