you’ve touched on a fundamental concept: BEING.
In expressing absolute existence, CunZai falls short in meaning, so I turn to the term BEING.
The absolute Being, which you so fervently seek, is beyond human comprehension and can only be perceived if the Most High opens His treasure chest to us.
For us, that treasure is the Bible, and in it we are satisfied.
If any “holy book” you are reading cannot fulfill this purpose, you should set it aside and join us.