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万维读者网 > 彩虹之约 > 帖子
关于新民的英文
送交者: test 2004年07月14日09:09:01 于 [彩虹之约] 发送悄悄话

近来看到新民兄的英文文章,十分钦佩他用词的广泛,也很赞同他对一些网友问题回答中看法。有一些朋友对新民的英文很赞叹,我也很赞叹,但是也很担心,这就是我发此贴的原因。我这之前犹豫了半天,因为有挑起事端的嫌疑。我也是主内兄弟,不该这样,也并不想自己显自己聪明,只要沉默就好了。但我在回家的路上,心里颇不平安。因我的不出声的缘故使别的朋友不进步,就是我的错了,所以就斗胆说几句,大家不要以为我是个人出风头罢。

我自己英文不好,常被老板骂,所以就常常在意文章的写法,以及读写作的书。自己虽然写不好,但却有点见解。新民兄的意思是很好很令人佩服的,用词也是非常高明的,尤其他的几首译诗,确实读来很美。他跟上帝对话的几篇也读来很有意思。但是我认为他的英文写作还是有瑕疵的。

写作的第一要义是要清楚明白,而不是堆积词藻,制造古怪的句式。我个人觉得新民的文章里令人费解的地方不少。尤其是很多动词用得很不恰当。我自己也说不上来,只是觉得他的文章很难理解。

写作要考虑读者的角度,问自己的写法别人是否看得懂,看得轻松。如果逻辑不清楚,层次不分明,别人看半天还不明白什么意思,这样的文章就有问题了。所以写作从段落的布局,到句子的安排,以及词语的放置,都不是可以乱来的。新民的句式很奇怪,好象是堆在一起,不自然,不通畅。

我认为新民事个很好的弟兄,我也很佩服他的热心。感谢神恩膏于他的热情和能力。但是我觉得他 在英文上并不是完美的。如此告诉这里的朋友。

一本很好的写作书是:

Strunk, William Jr. & White E.B., The Elements of Style

-------------------------------------------------


You ask: other than Christ, life, eternity and heaven, what is my greatest gain as a Christian believer?

** "as a Christian (or believer)" is much better than "as a Christian believer".

What an oxymoron this is! The greatest gain is none other than in Christ and of Christ and by Christ and for Christ. (Bach now sees an example of three consecutive conjunctive words "and"). Save for this greatest gain and everything implied therein, what other lesser but still great gains do I possess?

** "The greatest gain is none other than (being, living?) in Christ and of Christ and by Christ and for Christ."

Wow! Let's take a step back and ponder on the validity of the question, or at least the framing thereof. The question may be better rephrased as this:

** What is "framing"?

What fleeting and paltry losses do I entail for the greatest gain that I count in?

** Very confusing. "entail"? -> "experience?" "count in" -> count on?

Well, that is far better asked. First of all, I would have "sustained" a continually wasteful loss of an otherwise unnecessarily prolonged, sinnful life, had I not placed my trust in my Savior and Lord early in my life. In other words, I would have mortgaged my life in advance from hell and outspent it before I could rein in the depreciation of my life lease's principal. (very confusing)

Second, I would have sorrowfully missed a God-conscious present-day life of faith, hope and love that comes with my willing and willful submission to God. In other words, a joyful foretast of the heavenly experience would have eluded the grip of my yearning heart.

Third, I would have naturally grown a headful of graying (gray) hairs and aging wrinkles that so vividly portrays (portray) the weary and the heavy-laden (what is here?). The youthful look is coolly savory for those young in hearts. I gratefully line myself up in this league infrequently registered with (confusing).

Fourth, I would have been detestably stingy toward others, and at the same time excessively frugal toward myself, had I not firmly subscribed to the belief that it simply delights the heart of our life-giver to live out a generous and altruistic life. I am one lucky son of God that can oftentimes serve as the conduit from God's abundant spring of blessing to people's palpable pool of want.

Fifth, it might well have been that my life would have taken a detour well on my way to attain to the enviable, and indeed once covetted for, position of a tenured professorship of outstanding acclaim, had I abandoned the call of God for me to become his evangelist. But I would not hesitate to respond to His call again, if I have to choose a second time. I am content with my lot that God has providentially assigned me to.

How wonderfully and eloquently said by Apostle Paul it is:

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:7-14)


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