【按】昨天新年第一天終於盼來了Baltimore Ravens解僱主教練Brian Billick的大好消息，網絡上75.6%的烏鴉隊球迷和我持相同觀點。今天《太陽報》記者Rick Maese貼了一篇有創意的搞笑文章：

http://www.baltimoresun.com/sports/football/bal-maesecolumn0102,0,628186,print.column

追求最佳瀏覽效果的網友可以打開上面鏈接。有趣的是，第一道題目的選項中居然有"quantum physics"，呵呵。Rick Maese應該沒讀過我去年的那篇趣味隨筆（也不可能有好事者將其譯成英語），因此可以算是英雄所見略同了。

Seeking Ravens coach: Apply yourself
The club's quest to find the ideal candidate starts here
Rick Maese

January 2, 2008

Baltimore Ravens head coach application

(To receive consideration for our coaching vacancy, please fill out the form below.)

NAME:
ADDRESS:
DATE:
PHONE:

1. Which type of genius are you?

Offensive
Defensive
Special teams
Public relations
Quantum physics as it relates to goal-line situations

2. At what time do you prefer to start your workday?

3:30 a.m.
3:35 a.m.
3:40 a.m.
3:45 a.m.

3. Which phrase best describes your coaching experience?

I've previously been a head coach in the NFL.
I've previously been a head coach in college.
I served as a volunteer assistant coach for my son's Pop Warner team eight years ago.
I'm a five-star poster on three different Ravens message boards, and over the course of the 2007 season, I posted a total of 13,532 comments -- and that was only in my free time!

4. Which best describes your education?

Bachelor of Arts/Science
Master's or doctorate
I've read "Finding the Winning Edge," by Brian Billick, Bill Walsh and Dr. James Peterson.
I've read Jerry Glanville's autobiography: "Elvis Don't Like Football."

5. Please respond to the following statement: I believe Bobby Petrino is an honorable man and a role model for potential coaches such as myself.

True
False

6. On third-and-short in your opponent's territory, you:

Run.
Pass.
Refer to the previous week's game film, spot the least successful option and try it again.

7. If you were head coach of the Ravens in the 2007 season, what would you focus on to produce better results?

Passing game
Defensive secondary
????ution
????ution by firing squad

8. Kyle Boller belongs:

In the huddle.
On the sideline.
On another team.
In another career.

9. Are there any special skills or attributes you possess that will set you apart from other candidates?

I call my own offensive plays.
I've never been on a dating show.
I look good in a fedora.
Three yards and a cloud of dust? I say two yards and a cloud of dust!
I bring my own covert camera crew.
I've been cutting the sleeves off my shirts long before Bill Belichick.

10. The Ravens' biggest concern in the upcoming draft is:

Quarterback.
Cornerback.
A new playbook.

11. Complete this phrase: Johnny Unitas was... :

The greatest thing that ever happened to football.
A god in cleats.
Better than Kyle Boller.
All of the above.

12. Which best describes your feelings on NFL officiating?

An honorable bunch charged with a difficult task
An unfortunate necessity
A scheming pack of wolves, the sports world's version of an organized crime syndicate

13. The media are:

An honorable bunch charged with a difficult task
An unfortunate necessity
A scheming pack of wolves, the sports world's version of an organized crime syndicate

14. How would you begin your postgame news conference?

"It is what it is."
"I can't answer questions until I have a chance to review the tape first."
"We learned a lot about ourselves today, and even though the scoreboard may not show it, those guys in that locker room feel like winners right now."
"Man, did anyone catch Emmitt Smith on the pregame show today? What in the world is that guy trying to say?"

15. In an ideal situation, how many players on your team host regular radio shows?

0
1-3
3-10
10 or more

16. What are your feelings about the Colts?

Like them.
Dislike them.

I understand that by filling out this form, I attest that all of the information I have given is true and correct. I am, however, not required to accept any position with the Baltimore Ravens until I see some semblance of a plan for the quarterback position.

Signature: _______________________________________
Date: __________________________________________

This application was ????ted on ______________________________ and was formally rejected on _______________________________________.

The Baltimore Ravens are an equal opportunity employer. Friends, colleagues, neighbors and family members of Bobby Petrino will not be considered for employment under pending NFL legislation, the Slimeball Act.