選擇大學 尊重子女意願

施亞倫

2009年3月31日晚上，我坐在電腦桌前緊盯螢幕，手中緊握滑鼠不斷刷新螢幕，等待郵箱出現大學放榜的通知信函。我感到緊張又焦躁，突然間，一封新電郵躍入眼帘，標題為「哈佛申請結果」。
對學生與家長而言，申請大學期間都感受沉重壓力。許多高中生為準備SAT考試，同時又要爭取高分GPA，每天從清晨忙到深夜才能休息。而他們的唯一目標，就是申請進入一所頂尖大學。不少學生為提高申請競爭力，除了維持一定學業成績，另外還花時間練習樂器、投入體育與多項社區服務活動。

詳細比較 慎重選校

如今我即將升上大四，進入哈佛大學好像只是不久前的事。我成長於新澤西州，就讀於Delbarton High School。高中時期，我參加數學與科學等學術性社團，同時也積極參與學校網球與游泳隊，並在學校樂團擔任鋼琴與小提琴手角色。

在進入哈佛之前，我預期哈佛學生都非常厲害，這令我有點憂心，但也很好奇在這樣的環境中學習是什麼情況。大一學期開始的頭幾天，我認識同屆1600名新生中的同學都很平易近人，十分友善。幾周之後，我逐漸適應哈佛生活，正式迎接我的大學生涯。透過各種學校社團與活動，我結識更多好友，也藉由參加台灣文化社（Taiwanese Cultural Society）、網球社團與運動聯盟（Intramural Sports）等，對哈佛產生更多認同感。

我認為，高中生擇校必須考量幾項要素，特別重要的是，應實地參觀有意就讀或什至已獲錄取的大學。參觀學校時可打聽校內提供哪些社團活動，看看學生們在社團中都做些什麼。若有機會，可主動跟校內學生攀談，相較於任何雜誌、書籍或什至升學顧問，他們更了解該校的實際情況。他們的表現是否友善或平易近人，亦可作為你期望未來同學的重要指標。對許多人而言，學校離住家的距離也是重要考量之一。

接受挑戰 平衡學業活動

一所大學的學術地位，對畢業生尋找全職或實習工作，甚至申請研究所都至關緊要。校內教授是否提供足夠的辦公室時間，及科系是否符合你未來的生涯規劃，都是擇校需考量的重要因素。學生應詢問大學的選課標準，及提供哪些職涯相關的機會。學校的類型也可能透露重要信息，譬如哈佛大學等以文科（liberal arts）為主的學校，通常針對各類科系提供大量且廣泛的選修課程。其他如科技學院或職訓學校等選修課程較少，且轉系較不容易。個人若有意攻讀經濟或科學方面的學位，首先應調查學校是否提供研究助理等職缺，譬如校內是否設有研究室？是否有相關研究所？確定大學提供的課程安排合乎需求，接下來可調查校內學生對各種課程的意見。

此外，申請大學時應避免不切實際。能獲一流大學錄取固然是美夢成真，但不見得每人都適合就讀常春藤大學，有時一般大學更能激發個人潛力。

大學時期是一個人認識自我的最好時機，每天面對不同挑戰，唯有敞開心胸才能做出最佳應變。有時試着接受新事物，可能會發現以往不曾考慮的選項，其實與自己相當合拍。

大學生的時間不外乎花在睡覺、社交與讀書上，但通常仍視主修而定，分配比例會有所不同。整體而言，大學生的首要之務應該是平衡各項活動。更具挑戰性的是不斷維持往前的動力。大學與初、高中不同，沒有人在後頭推着你往前跑，你必須主動尋求協助、意見與前輩指導，且了解自己喜歡做的到底是哪方面的事情。我的經驗是，隨時維持一貫的生活習慣，這使我不論是在學期初或面臨期末壓力，都能應付自如。

父母放手 讓子女選擇

在華人傳統文化中，父母在子女各個教育階段扮演重要角色，但大學是一個人學習成長與培養責任心的關鍵時期，他們在過程中逐漸成為社會中的一份子。父母應放手讓子女選擇，最終他們才能活的更快樂。不過，這並不表示父母無須關心子女動向，相反的，應與子女經常溝通，在他們面臨困難時提供意見，但仍應尊重子女的選擇，並由他們為自己的決定負責。

在哈佛，我見識過部分專橫的父母，譬如有朋友的父母相當專制，不但為他們安排未來職涯規劃，還限制他們的交友圈。從經驗看來，父母的高壓手段往往造成反效果。我有許多同學在高中時被父母逼迫念書，如今他們進入哈佛後卻與父母漸行漸遠，對父母隱藏各種訊息，甚至捲入非法行為。我說的可能是比較極端的例子，但子女必須學習自己做決定，並承擔相關後果，唯有經歷這段過程，他們才會成為獨立且成熟的成年人。 （范詠軒譯）

作者簡介：施亞倫為哈佛大學大四學生，目前雙主修化學物理生物及化學與生化學位。

College Can Shape Life, Pick the Best Suited for You

By Allen Shih

Refresh.  Refresh.  Refresh.  I sat with my eyes fixated on the screen.  It  was March 31, 2009 – the day that college acceptances were being announced  .Suddenly, an email popped up on the computer screen.  The title read “Harvard  Application.”

The college admissions process can be a stressful time, not only for students  but for parents as well.  In a rush to take the SATs and maintain a high GPA,  many teenagers are busy from early morning until late at night.  They work  obsessively to try to get accepted into one of the top universities.  But how do  you know what college is right for you, and how can you make the most out of  your college experience?

Explore Before You Choose

When choosing a college, you should keep in mind a couple of factors.   Particularly, you should attempt to visit the schools you are considering,  especially the ones to which you have been accepted, in order to experience the  school firsthand.  You should explore various student clubs to see what  activities they do.

Talking to students at the colleges you visit is extremely valuable, because  they know what the school is like better than any magazine, book, or advisor.   Find out what students enjoy and don’t enjoy about classes.  The degree to which  they are friendly and approachable will also be a good indicator of what your  classmates will be like next year.

The type of academic programs offered by the college is an important factor  for landing jobs, internships, and acceptances to graduate schools.  Generally,  you want to select a college where the professors are accessible and the classes  are well suited to your future plans.  You should ask about the curriculum  requirements and career-related opportunities.

Lastly, it is important to set realistic goals.  While it may be great to go  to the best-ranked college, the distinctive atmosphere of a particular school  may make it a better fit for you than a school that is better on paper.

Be Open to New Ideas

College is a time in which you learn about yourself.  It is important to be  open to new ideas and activities.  Sometimes a few diversions can put your  personal boundaries into perspective and allow you to better explore yourself.   You may come to really love a new activity that you had never thought about  before.

Before I first came to Harvard, I was intrigued and a bit intimidated by the  thought that everyone would all be extremely talented.  I wondered what it would  be like to attend school in such an environment.  During the first few days of  my freshman year, I got to know some of my 1,600 new classmates.

Almost everyone was approachable and friendly, and after a few weeks, it no  longer felt strange, but simply as if I was going to college.  Joining various  clubs and activities helped me meet more people and feel more connected to the  school, such as the Taiwanese Cultural Society, Club Tennis, and Intramural  Sports.

Sleep, Socialize, and Study

In college, most of your time will be spent sleeping, socializing, and  studying.  While you will definitely do all three, the ratio between these  activities may be very different depending on your major.Overall, balancing your  college experience should be a priority.

Even more challenging is maintaining your self-motivation.  No one is going  to push you on a daily basis in college, not your parents and not your teachers.  You will need to take the initiative of knowing when to get help, advice, and  mentorship.  Advisors will not actively contact you.

Note to Parents

In Asian culture, parents tend to occupy a very engaged role in their  children’s education.  Probably up to high school, you have made the majority of  decisions for your son or daughter regarding applications and test-taking  preparations.  However, it is critical to realize that college is a unique time  for your children to grow and take responsibility.  They are in the process of  developing into independent, full-fledged members of society.

You should allow your kids to choose what they want, because ultimately your  kids will be much happier pursuing their passions.  This does not mean that you  let go of all contact.  Rather, you should maintain communication and help to  advise them as one who has more experience in life.  Then, your children can  make the final decision and understand that they will be responsible for their  choices.

At Harvard, I have come across many overbearing parents.  Some of my friends  have parents that decide all aspects including their career path and  relationships.  Personally, I feel that such actions inevitably backfire.  Many  of my classmates who were worked hardest in high school by their parents ended  up hiding many things from them in college, and participated in many troublesome  acts.

While this may be an extreme example, being the ultimate decision-maker is a  very powerful and liberating force.  Your children need to be able to fend on  their own.

Allen Shih grew up in New Jersey. He will be a senior  this year at Harvard  College.