汽油站前的一幕
(豆粘兒的又一件(米臭)事)
An Incident at a Gas Station
(Tou Tou’s Moment of Embarrassment)

我的朋友都知道我買汽油只買最便宜的，比如SAFEWAY或ARCO那種可能連政府標準都達不到的。就是說為了省錢我給我的車餵垃圾吃。只有在偶爾我想寵一下我的車時，我就會買SHELL的汽油，而且還能拿減價洗車服務。

一星期前我要開長途車。上路前我在一家SHELL汽油戰前停下來，給我的車買好汽油加洗車的雙優對待。我甚至還多付了$3買最好的那種洗車服務。不過想了想，我還是想等回來再洗，反正路上我的車還是會髒的。

我回來的幾天后，我在購物時發現那裡有家SHELL汽油站，心想：正好，我的洗車服務第二天就過期了。我最好現在就用掉，免得過期浪費。

My friends know that I only buy generic gasoline for my car—you know, Safeway or Arco style—the kind that's probably not up to government standards. Basically I feed my car crap to save myself 10 cents per gallon. On the rare occasion that I feel like spoiling my car, I'll feed her Shell gasoline (high rollaaaa!!!) for the sake of getting a discounted car wash. It’s a double treat—real gas AND a car wash.

A week ago before I started on my road trip, I stopped by a Shell station with the intention of giving my car that double treat. I even paid the extra $3 for a deluxe car wash, but decided to save the wash for when I returned from the trip (the drive would dirty up my car anyway).

I came back from the trip. A few days later, while I was shopping, I spotted a Shell station in the shopping complex. Perfect! My carwash code would expire the next day-- I'd better get that wash before it went to waste.

我加入了排隊等洗車的行列。一邊耐心等着，一邊看着別的車一輛輛地進入那個神奇的清洗間。最後，輪到我了。
I got in that car wash drive-through line. Waiting patiently for my turn, I watched car after car go through that magic cleansing box. Eventually, I made my way to that little silver box before the car wash.

我一面看着上次的汽油收據，一面按入號碼。但是上面說，“INVALID CODE”。我再按一次。INVALID CODE。我再按第三次，還是INVALID CODE。突然件我醒悟過來，那個號碼一定是要在原來那家汽油站才有效。真倒酶！
Referring to my gasoline receipt, I typed in the code. But it flashed “INVALID CODE”! I typed it in again. INVALID CODE. I typed it in the third time, but the damn thing was stubbornly flashing INVALID CODE. Crap! Then it all of a sudden hit me. The code must only work at the Shell station I bought it at!! Curses!

我往身後一看，看到有等着洗車的人有一長隊，就知道麻煩了。這時我的選擇是：

1。自認倒酶，另交$8洗車，讓原來的$3過期浪費。費用=$11。
2。叫我身後的人倒車，讓我退出來，然後去原來那家SHELL洗。代價=$3一部份一部分尊嚴。
I glanced behind me to find a single-file line of cars also waiting for the car wash. I knew I was in a total mess. My options were:

1). be a sucker and pay $8 to get through the car wash. Waste the $3 I paid for the original car wash (i.e. let it expire). Total cost of car wash = $11.

2). tell everyone behind me to back up, so I can squeeze outta line. Then I can go back to the original Shell, and get car wash I originally paid for. Total cost of car wash =$3 + some dignity.

當然，因為我是個小氣鬼，我選擇了2。我跳下車來，對着大伙兒喊，“嗯。。。你們能不能倒車讓我退出來。。。嗯，就是現在，馬上。。。謝謝！”

And since I'm a cheapskate that has no pride, I naturally opted for Option 2. I got outta my car and made my announcement to the cars behind me, "Yeeeeaaaahh....I'm gonna need you all to back up. So, if you could just do that for me right now. Yeahhhhh…thank you!"

也算我倒酶，這家汽油站有着我見過的最長，最彎，最窄的車道。讓那麼多車倒退真是頭痛啊。半途中我都差點放棄了，真想乾脆付那$8完事算了。但是我也不好意思再跳出去，說“不行了，我放棄！我還是洗車好了！”不行，那更難堪。我只好集中精力扭轉車盤，跟着倒退的車隊把我的車好不容易擠出去。
Of course, with *my* luck this Shell Station just HAD to have the narrowest, windiest, longest car wash track I have ever seen in my life. Getting the line of cars to back up was an incredible ordeal. Halfway through the process I almost thought I couldn't make it. In my extreme embarrassment, I wanted to give up and just pay the $8 to get this darn thing over with. But I also didn't want to get outta my car again and make another announcement, "I give up guys!! I'm gonna go through the wash after all! Thanks anyway!" No way. That’d be too much embarrassment. I had already caused these people so much trouble, so why not just go through with it? So, I concentrated hard on steering and followed the backward swiveling line of cars to get my car’s fat arse outta there.

故事的經過就是這樣。總之，我給陌生人造成了不必要的麻煩，而且在大庭廣眾下丟了不少面子。不過重要的是，我省了$8(夠買幾個漢堡了，呵呵)。故事的中心思想：我是個小氣鬼！So that was the story, a moment of embarrassment at a gas station. Basically I caused unnecessary trouble to strangers and lost a bit of dignity in public. But on the cheery side, I saved $8, which is enough to buy myself a few big Macs. ^_^ The moral of the story is that yeah, I’m a cheapskate.