选择大学 尊重子女意愿

施亚伦

2009年3月31日晚上，我坐在电脑桌前紧盯萤幕，手中紧握滑鼠不断刷新萤幕，等待邮箱出现大学放榜的通知信函。我感到紧张又焦躁，突然间，一封新电邮跃入眼帘，标题为「哈佛申请结果」。
对学生与家长而言，申请大学期间都感受沉重压力。许多高中生为准备SAT考试，同时又要争取高分GPA，每天从清晨忙到深夜才能休息。而他们的唯一目标，就是申请进入一所顶尖大学。不少学生为提高申请竞争力，除了维持一定学业成绩，另外还花时间练习乐器、投入体育与多项社区服务活动。

详细比较 慎重选校

如今我即将升上大四，进入哈佛大学好像只是不久前的事。我成长于新泽西州，就读于Delbarton High School。高中时期，我参加数学与科学等学术性社团，同时也积极参与学校网球与游泳队，并在学校乐团担任钢琴与小提琴手角色。

在进入哈佛之前，我预期哈佛学生都非常厉害，这令我有点忧心，但也很好奇在这样的环境中学习是什么情况。大一学期开始的头几天，我认识同届1600名新生中的同学都很平易近人，十分友善。几周之后，我逐渐适应哈佛生活，正式迎接我的大学生涯。透过各种学校社团与活动，我结识更多好友，也藉由参加台湾文化社（Taiwanese Cultural Society）、网球社团与运动联盟（Intramural Sports）等，对哈佛产生更多认同感。

我认为，高中生择校必须考量几项要素，特别重要的是，应实地参观有意就读或什至已获录取的大学。参观学校时可打听校内提供哪些社团活动，看看学生们在社团中都做些什么。若有机会，可主动跟校内学生攀谈，相较于任何杂志、书籍或什至升学顾问，他们更了解该校的实际情况。他们的表现是否友善或平易近人，亦可作为你期望未来同学的重要指标。对许多人而言，学校离住家的距离也是重要考量之一。

接受挑战 平衡学业活动

一所大学的学术地位，对毕业生寻找全职或实习工作，甚至申请研究所都至关紧要。校内教授是否提供足够的办公室时间，及科系是否符合你未来的生涯规划，都是择校需考量的重要因素。学生应询问大学的选课标准，及提供哪些职涯相关的机会。学校的类型也可能透露重要信息，譬如哈佛大学等以文科（liberal arts）为主的学校，通常针对各类科系提供大量且广泛的选修课程。其他如科技学院或职训学校等选修课程较少，且转系较不容易。个人若有意攻读经济或科学方面的学位，首先应调查学校是否提供研究助理等职缺，譬如校内是否设有研究室？是否有相关研究所？确定大学提供的课程安排合乎需求，接下来可调查校内学生对各种课程的意见。

此外，申请大学时应避免不切实际。能获一流大学录取固然是美梦成真，但不见得每人都适合就读常春藤大学，有时一般大学更能激发个人潜力。

大学时期是一个人认识自我的最好时机，每天面对不同挑战，唯有敞开心胸才能做出最佳应变。有时试着接受新事物，可能会发现以往不曾考虑的选项，其实与自己相当合拍。

大学生的时间不外乎花在睡觉、社交与读书上，但通常仍视主修而定，分配比例会有所不同。整体而言，大学生的首要之务应该是平衡各项活动。更具挑战性的是不断维持往前的动力。大学与初、高中不同，没有人在后头推着你往前跑，你必须主动寻求协助、意见与前辈指导，且了解自己喜欢做的到底是哪方面的事情。我的经验是，随时维持一贯的生活习惯，这使我不论是在学期初或面临期末压力，都能应付自如。

父母放手 让子女选择

在华人传统文化中，父母在子女各个教育阶段扮演重要角色，但大学是一个人学习成长与培养责任心的关键时期，他们在过程中逐渐成为社会中的一份子。父母应放手让子女选择，最终他们才能活的更快乐。不过，这并不表示父母无须关心子女动向，相反的，应与子女经常沟通，在他们面临困难时提供意见，但仍应尊重子女的选择，并由他们为自己的决定负责。

在哈佛，我见识过部分专横的父母，譬如有朋友的父母相当专制，不但为他们安排未来职涯规划，还限制他们的交友圈。从经验看来，父母的高压手段往往造成反效果。我有许多同学在高中时被父母逼迫念书，如今他们进入哈佛后却与父母渐行渐远，对父母隐藏各种讯息，甚至卷入非法行为。我说的可能是比较极端的例子，但子女必须学习自己做决定，并承担相关后果，唯有经历这段过程，他们才会成为独立且成熟的成年人。 （范咏轩译）

作者简介：施亚伦为哈佛大学大四学生，目前双主修化学物理生物及化学与生化学位。

College Can Shape Life, Pick the Best Suited for You

By Allen Shih

Refresh.  Refresh.  Refresh.  I sat with my eyes fixated on the screen.  It  was March 31, 2009 – the day that college acceptances were being announced  .Suddenly, an email popped up on the computer screen.  The title read “Harvard  Application.”

The college admissions process can be a stressful time, not only for students  but for parents as well.  In a rush to take the SATs and maintain a high GPA,  many teenagers are busy from early morning until late at night.  They work  obsessively to try to get accepted into one of the top universities.  But how do  you know what college is right for you, and how can you make the most out of  your college experience?

Explore Before You Choose

When choosing a college, you should keep in mind a couple of factors.   Particularly, you should attempt to visit the schools you are considering,  especially the ones to which you have been accepted, in order to experience the  school firsthand.  You should explore various student clubs to see what  activities they do.

Talking to students at the colleges you visit is extremely valuable, because  they know what the school is like better than any magazine, book, or advisor.   Find out what students enjoy and don’t enjoy about classes.  The degree to which  they are friendly and approachable will also be a good indicator of what your  classmates will be like next year.

The type of academic programs offered by the college is an important factor  for landing jobs, internships, and acceptances to graduate schools.  Generally,  you want to select a college where the professors are accessible and the classes  are well suited to your future plans.  You should ask about the curriculum  requirements and career-related opportunities.

Lastly, it is important to set realistic goals.  While it may be great to go  to the best-ranked college, the distinctive atmosphere of a particular school  may make it a better fit for you than a school that is better on paper.

Be Open to New Ideas

College is a time in which you learn about yourself.  It is important to be  open to new ideas and activities.  Sometimes a few diversions can put your  personal boundaries into perspective and allow you to better explore yourself.   You may come to really love a new activity that you had never thought about  before.

Before I first came to Harvard, I was intrigued and a bit intimidated by the  thought that everyone would all be extremely talented.  I wondered what it would  be like to attend school in such an environment.  During the first few days of  my freshman year, I got to know some of my 1,600 new classmates.

Almost everyone was approachable and friendly, and after a few weeks, it no  longer felt strange, but simply as if I was going to college.  Joining various  clubs and activities helped me meet more people and feel more connected to the  school, such as the Taiwanese Cultural Society, Club Tennis, and Intramural  Sports.

Sleep, Socialize, and Study

In college, most of your time will be spent sleeping, socializing, and  studying.  While you will definitely do all three, the ratio between these  activities may be very different depending on your major.Overall, balancing your  college experience should be a priority.

Even more challenging is maintaining your self-motivation.  No one is going  to push you on a daily basis in college, not your parents and not your teachers.  You will need to take the initiative of knowing when to get help, advice, and  mentorship.  Advisors will not actively contact you.

Note to Parents

In Asian culture, parents tend to occupy a very engaged role in their  children’s education.  Probably up to high school, you have made the majority of  decisions for your son or daughter regarding applications and test-taking  preparations.  However, it is critical to realize that college is a unique time  for your children to grow and take responsibility.  They are in the process of  developing into independent, full-fledged members of society.

You should allow your kids to choose what they want, because ultimately your  kids will be much happier pursuing their passions.  This does not mean that you  let go of all contact.  Rather, you should maintain communication and help to  advise them as one who has more experience in life.  Then, your children can  make the final decision and understand that they will be responsible for their  choices.

At Harvard, I have come across many overbearing parents.  Some of my friends  have parents that decide all aspects including their career path and  relationships.  Personally, I feel that such actions inevitably backfire.  Many  of my classmates who were worked hardest in high school by their parents ended  up hiding many things from them in college, and participated in many troublesome  acts.

While this may be an extreme example, being the ultimate decision-maker is a  very powerful and liberating force.  Your children need to be able to fend on  their own.

Allen Shih grew up in New Jersey. He will be a senior  this year at Harvard  College.