1. Life is sexually transmitted.

2. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

3. It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
4. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

5. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

6. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
7. If God wanted us to touch our toes, he would have put them on our knees.

8. Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

9. If you're living on the edge, make sure you wear your seat belt.

10. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

11. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

12. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

13. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

14. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

15. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

16. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.