2015-05-01
【Aiden in English】
Seasonal allergies are not nice. They torture and strip away the beauty of spring. Ironically, seasonal allergies are a work of nature, which leaves me to wonder why nature would cancel each other out. Karma, isn’t it. When exploring Fairmont Park’s nature beauties at in Philadelphia, like math, things cancel each other out.
Cherry blossoms are a beautiful sight in the spring. They are also a huge source of pollen. Like math, if “X” equals “pollen”, and “X” equals “bad”, what does pollen equal? So Fairmount Park is just a huge substitution equation. It should’ve been a warning sign to all allergic people with a drawing of a skull. There are evil, pink, blossoming cherries (cherry blossoms) that seem all cute until they release their deadly fumes into the air. The fumes contain a weapon known as “Allergy X”, which can send any victim into vicious sneezes. Other reported symptoms are an extremely itch in the eye, the stuffing of nose, and occasionally doing insane. However, what really gives this weapon its true power is the fact that it specifically targets people with seasonal allergies (I hope you’ve figured it out now!). Unfortunately this is passed through genes, and nothing can change it.
As usual, Fairmount Park had an abundance of Japanese cherry blossoms, each blooming this spring. The fumes that are produced can irritate hundreds of people, and yet Dad was taking me to see something that probably would bring me weeks, or even months, to fight through. The blossoms close up looked peaceful enough, blooming tiny pedals fluttering in the wind, sprinkling the air with a fresh, sweet scent. But under the outer cover is an evil force that will consume humanity and will stop at nothing to control the universe as we know. They menacingly swayed in the wind, looking for a time to strike.
Walking around, there was one main huge magnolia tree in front of the Shofuso Japanese Garden. That must’ve been a command center, a swarm of fumes, waiting for the signal. A gust of strong wind blew through, throwing papers, hats, and blankets everywhere. With this perfect diversion, the fumes were blown towards us. A perfect surprise attack. The old school divide and conquer strategy. The poor, innocent tourists stood no chance. Sneezes ran out among the crowds, people doubling over into fits of uncontrollable seizures. Deadly flying projectiles (pedals) were fired, taking down or blinding most people. The fumes were an intelligent being, destroying the beautifulness of spring.
I’m not going to say anything else but these three words: THIS MEANS WAR!!!
【紅霞譯文】
季節性過敏可不是什麼好東西，非但惹人受罪，而且還抹殺春天的美麗。滑稽的是，季節性過敏屬於自然現象，我禁不住疑惑世間萬物為何自相矛盾，既生瑜又生亮，難道真是因果報應？當置身費城費爾芒特公園享受春光美景之際，你會發現天地萬象如同數學運算，一切盡在交互制約之中。
櫻花象徵着春天的來臨，同時也預示出花粉的湧現。按照數學邏輯，如果未知數X等於花粉，而X又代表“壞蛋”，那麼花粉何顏以堪？費爾芒特公園恰好正是這樣一個大型置換公式。既然如此，園內應該張貼畫有骷髏的安民告示，提醒天下所有季節性過敏者三思而後行。但凡致命的花粉遠離塵囂，魔鬼般粉紅色櫻花看上去相當絢爛迷人，花粉中含有一種叫“過敏X”的殺傷武器足以讓每位受害者噴嚏連天。其它眾所周知的症狀包括眼睛奇癢、鼻道堵塞、偶爾煩躁不安。然而，真正反襯這件武器威力強大的是那些季節性過敏人群（我希望你現在明白我屬於哪類人了！），可惜過敏反應與生俱來，我們無法改變遺傳基因。
今年費爾芒特公園依舊花團錦簇櫻花怒放，到處瀰漫着春天的氣息，招致成百上千的遊客糾結不堪，而老爸帶我去觀賞的東西也正是日本櫻花，想必未來幾周乃至數月我將一把鼻涕一把淚，苦苦掙扎在生命線上。眼前的櫻花幽香艷麗，舒展豪放的花瓣在風中輕歌曼舞，散發出陣陣新鮮甘美的濃香。如若透過外表看本質，春季花粉里孕育出的邪惡力量勢不可擋，一下子能攪得天翻地覆，其洶洶來頭常常害得我們無以應對。
漫步於費爾芒特公園內，松風莊門前一棵巨大無比的玉蘭樹格外引人注目，它肯定被用做指揮中心，操控其它各色花香競相出籠。這時強風吹過，紙張、衣帽、鋪蓋卷散落滿地，花粉藉機朝我們襲來，誰都沒法迴避，大家無處躲無處藏，噴嚏即刻在人群中爆發，一個接一個越打越起勁。致命的飛行發射器（花瓣）投入行動，不是瓦解我們的鬥志，就是削弱眾生的視線，春季因為花粉這樣一種智能物質的存在而變得黯然失色。
在此，我只想強調三個詞：這是戰爭！！！
