2015-05-01

【Aiden in English】

        Seasonal allergies are not nice. They torture and strip away the beauty of spring. Ironically, seasonal allergies are a work of nature, which leaves me to wonder why nature would cancel each other out. Karma, isn’t it. When exploring Fairmont Park’s nature beauties at in Philadelphia, like math, things cancel each other out. 

        Cherry blossoms are a beautiful sight in the spring. They are also a huge source of pollen. Like math, if “X” equals “pollen”, and “X” equals “bad”, what does pollen equal? So Fairmount Park is just a huge substitution equation. It should’ve been a warning sign to all allergic people with a drawing of a skull. There are evil, pink, blossoming cherries (cherry blossoms) that seem all cute until they release their deadly fumes into the air. The fumes contain a weapon known as “Allergy X”, which can send any victim into vicious sneezes. Other reported symptoms are an extremely itch in the eye, the stuffing of nose, and occasionally doing insane. However, what really gives this weapon its true power is the fact that it specifically targets people with seasonal allergies (I hope you’ve figured it out now!). Unfortunately this is passed through genes, and nothing can change it. 

        As usual, Fairmount Park had an abundance of Japanese cherry blossoms, each blooming this spring. The fumes that are produced can irritate hundreds of people, and yet Dad was taking me to see something that probably would bring me weeks, or even months, to fight through. The blossoms close up looked peaceful enough, blooming tiny pedals fluttering in the wind, sprinkling the air with a fresh, sweet scent. But under the outer cover is an evil force that will consume humanity and will stop at nothing to control the universe as we know. They menacingly swayed in the wind, looking for a time to strike.

        Walking around, there was one main huge magnolia tree in front of the Shofuso Japanese Garden. That must’ve been a command center, a swarm of fumes, waiting for the signal. A gust of strong wind blew through, throwing papers, hats, and blankets everywhere. With this perfect diversion, the fumes were blown towards us. A perfect surprise attack. The old school divide and conquer strategy. The poor, innocent tourists stood no chance. Sneezes ran out among the crowds, people doubling over into fits of uncontrollable seizures. Deadly flying projectiles (pedals) were fired, taking down or blinding most people. The fumes were an intelligent being, destroying the beautifulness of spring. 

        I’m not going to say anything else but these three words: THIS MEANS WAR!!!

【红霞译文】

        季节性过敏可不是什么好东西，非但惹人受罪，而且还抹杀春天的美丽。滑稽的是，季节性过敏属于自然现象，我禁不住疑惑世间万物为何自相矛盾，既生瑜又生亮，难道真是因果报应？当置身费城费尔芒特公园享受春光美景之际，你会发现天地万象如同数学运算，一切尽在交互制约之中。

        樱花象征着春天的来临，同时也预示出花粉的涌现。按照数学逻辑，如果未知数X等于花粉，而X又代表“坏蛋”，那么花粉何颜以堪？费尔芒特公园恰好正是这样一个大型置换公式。既然如此，园内应该张贴画有骷髅的安民告示，提醒天下所有季节性过敏者三思而后行。但凡致命的花粉远离尘嚣，魔鬼般粉红色樱花看上去相当绚烂迷人，花粉中含有一种叫“过敏X”的杀伤武器足以让每位受害者喷嚏连天。其它众所周知的症状包括眼睛奇痒、鼻道堵塞、偶尔烦躁不安。然而，真正反衬这件武器威力强大的是那些季节性过敏人群（我希望你现在明白我属于哪类人了！），可惜过敏反应与生俱来，我们无法改变遗传基因。

        今年费尔芒特公园依旧花团锦簇樱花怒放，到处弥漫着春天的气息，招致成百上千的游客纠结不堪，而老爸带我去观赏的东西也正是日本樱花，想必未来几周乃至数月我将一把鼻涕一把泪，苦苦挣扎在生命线上。眼前的樱花幽香艳丽，舒展豪放的花瓣在风中轻歌曼舞，散发出阵阵新鲜甘美的浓香。如若透过外表看本质，春季花粉里孕育出的邪恶力量势不可挡，一下子能搅得天翻地覆，其汹汹来头常常害得我们无以应对。

        漫步于费尔芒特公园内，松风莊门前一棵巨大无比的玉兰树格外引人注目，它肯定被用做指挥中心，操控其它各色花香竞相出笼。这时强风吹过，纸张、衣帽、铺盖卷散落满地，花粉借机朝我们袭来，谁都没法回避，大家无处躲无处藏，喷嚏即刻在人群中爆发，一个接一个越打越起劲。致命的飞行发射器（花瓣）投入行动，不是瓦解我们的斗志，就是削弱众生的视线，春季因为花粉这样一种智能物质的存在而变得黯然失色。

        在此，我只想强调三个词：这是战争！！！